Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,
Recently, I met a guy at a singles event. We danced all night. He got my number and called me, then asked me out for a day-long outing and dinner at our singles club. Great emails leading up to the day. We had a 10-hour date that was incredible. Laughing, talking, kissing – it was so much fun and he was so easy to talk to and very engaging. He even said those words a woman hopes to hear, “I’d like to see you again” and sent a thank you email the next day.
Here’s the problem:
Since then ….nothing. Not a peep. I haven’t contacted him, but have an email in mind that I want to send. I just want to tell him how much fun I had and ask why he fell off the radar for no apparent reason. Please let me know what you think. Thanks so much Ronnie!
My advice is nope. Don’t send it. He is simply not the man for you.
It’s so hard to know why he didn’t follow up for a second date. So many clients have encountered this perplexing and disappointing situation. Some speculation about what might have happened includes:
He may be a romance junkie – loving the chase, but not much more
He may not know what he wants
He might have just wanted a date for the day-long event
He might have a girlfriend already who was away
He might have decided you weren’t the right woman for him
I could literally go on for pages, thinking up reasons why this man who you had such a good time with didn’t come back for more. But none of that really matters. The only thing that does matter is that he didn’t follow up. The right man for you would want MORE. That’s how you know for sure, he’s not that man.
All men know what to do to get a second date. So, it’s not that he’s too shy either. Or that he didn’t get that you are interested.
Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients say they just want to be direct and honest with the guy who does this. But the hard truth is – THAT WILL NOT WORK. You will probably never know what happened and being direct and honest won’t get it out of him. Do your best to let it go and move on to find a man who knows what he wants and what he is doing. A man who wants you!
Here’s one other little piece of advice if you are dating after divorce or dating over 40 – don’t have any more 10-hour first dates. Just say “No”. Believe me when I tell you that 2-3 hours is plenty for the first date. Leave something for another day. You’ll be less emotionally invested. And he’ll be left wanting MORE.
Wanting to figure you out.
Wanting to get to now you better.
Wanting to hear more stories and get more kisses.
This is a strategy that works. It’s not game playing – it’s human nature. I don’t care how great things are going – get going. Say thanks, but I have to go. Save something for a second date.
At this point, get back out there and meet more men. That’s the best way to find a good guy who knows what he wants.
Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach
Photo Credit: Robbert van der Steeg