Dating Over 40: Believe Him When He Says, “I Don’t Want to Marry”

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach

I recently met a man, 58, divorced for about 8 years now. He has grown children in their 20’s. I’m interested BUT… in conversation, he made a statement that 26 years of marriage was “enough” for him.

I really like this man – his sense of humor, intelligence, kindness – he has many great qualities. I am  52  and I definitely want to “remarry” again. Do I need to rule him out now? Or should I give this time to see what develops as we get to know each other?

Thanks for your help,
Leslie in Long Island

Dear Leslie,

While this might be hard to hear, I am a firm believer in listening to what a man has to say and believing him. When a man tells you that he’s had enough of marriage, the best thing you can do is take him at his word. After all – he has told you directly how he feels.

Most women don’t of course. Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients have felt this way. They think, “Well, he can’t mean that about ME. Once we fall in love, he’ll come around. He’ll WANT to marry ME.” But what they have found is that the man really meant what he said and suffered disappointment as a result.

While it’s true, anything is possible, this doesn’t seem like a good risk from this dating coach’s perspective. I’m so sorry to tell you that.

I would advise you, as I have many other dating coaching clients who are dating after 40 or after divorce, to believe him and move on to find  a man who wants what you want. So many hearts have been broken when women don’t believe what a man tells them. At least he has been upfront and  honest with you.

There are more great men out there in the world and a good one, the right one for you. Please look for one who wants what you want.

Wishisng you love,

Ronnie – The Dating Coach

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3 responses on “Dating Over 40: Believe Him When He Says, “I Don’t Want to Marry”

  1. Ronnie Post author

    Hi Cathy, I do agree with your comment if they were already in love and in a relationship. Some women can let go and accept. and that acceptance can sometimes turn things aroudn as you say.

    Others, unfortunately let things fester, get aggravated and become unappreciai,tive since they aren’t getting what they want.

    Since Leslie is just getting to know him, I feel she isbetter off looking for a better match.

    I know the Jennifer Anniston movie you are talking about! Wasn”t it – He’s just not that into you?

  2. Cathy J

    Leslie, in one sense of course Ronnie’s words of wisdom do make sense.

    In another sense, would you be open to a lower level commitment and genuinely be happy with that?

    I am not a big fan of Jennifer Anniston movies however one really made me think. Sorry I cannot remember the name. She was playing a mature women (nearing forty) still living de facto with the man she loves however she always wanted to be married to him. He did not give in. After they split up she realises that she loves him enough and just wants to be with him… then of course a Hollywood ending!!

    Sometimes when we accept men where they are at and can truly be happy in that, we find that what we wanted was not so important or that we end up with what we wanted….

    Listen your heart. Your inner voice (the joyous, loving, higher self, spirit) knows what you want.

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