Dating Over 40: Does “Hanging Out” Mean He Only Wants a Casual Thing?

 
Understanding Mildife Men

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach

I went on a blind date and things went well. He texted me the next day (Thursday) asking to make weekend plans. Personally, I don’t like texting to set up dates, but I did respond. On Friday morning, he texted back asking me if I wanted to “hang out” that night.

Not only was I not available, but I found this texting method of being asked out and short notice offensive! He seems like a guy who wants something purely casual. And honestly, “hanging out” seems like college mentality – I’m 38! So, tell me,  is all of this red flag stuff?

Tanya in Worchester, MA

Hi Tanya,

My advice is that you haven’t collected nearly enough data yet to start thinking ill of this man. Maybe “hang out” is a sign of laziness, not wanting a relationship or neither.

Let’s stay positive!
The good news he asked to see you again right away! He contacted you the very next day after your date to secure you for the weekend. That’s great!

Now, let’s bend a little on formality – not that you need to accept a date from a same day request. First off, men like texting to communicate because they talk one third as much as women do. Texting gets right to the point.

Use Your Feminine Charm
You don’t have to text to set up dates though. Let him know that you prefer to schedule dates via telephone. Telling a man in a nice way about your preferences, gives him a chance to try to please you. Don’t sound demanding. Say it kindly, “Let’s talk on the phone to set up date details.” That’s a great example of using your feminine charm.

Here’s how to use your feminine energy to handle the short notice and that you are not available:
“It would be fun to see you and thanks for asking.”
“I’m not free to night how about Saturday/Sunday?”  or whatever you want to suggest.

Hanging Out Is Not a Good Second Date
Regarding hanging out, I don’t advise this for my dating coaching clients at all. You are on the right track here. But this might not mean he only wants to be casual. Still more dating collecting to be done here to know for sure.

However, I agree, best to stay out of his home and yours at the beginning. Public places are better initially for safety and removing any temptation towards intimacy before you feel ready.

This is another opportunity to steer things in a feminine way. For example, If  he suggests his house for a video, you can say you heard a great band was playing at…or the weather is going to be great, let’s get a drink at an outdoor bar. This way, you aren’t suggesting something expensive, but you are letting him know in a feminine way you prefer to go out.

You Can Be Direct If Needed
If that still doesn’t register for him,  be totally direct and say, “I need to get to know you better before I go to your home. Or “Watching a video doesn’t allow for much conversation and I want to get to know you better first.”

My advice, as I would share with any of my dating coaching clients, is to not to judge him yet. Try these suggestions to move him towards what you want using your feminine charm.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie – The Dating Coach
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photo credit: Art by Steve Johnson

2 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Does “Hanging Out” Mean He Only Wants a Casual Thing?”

  1. Hi Lever – The good news is taht you do know now so you won’t keep making hte same mistakes. I’m so glad you appreciate my insights and advice and thank you for your kind words.Have fun out there!

    Reply
  2. Sigh….

    Where were you … where was I — during my 30s???! This was such a problem for me for a variety of reasons. One: when I moved from a big city and met men online, I would invite them to my home and would get intimate too fast. Second: I love hanging out in my home and cooking and snuggling. BUT? Yup: too much, too fast. Your simple, direct, GENTLE info and guidance is so delightful and HELPFUL. Oh, well; now deep into my 40s? Now, I know. ;o/

    Reply

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