I’m 45, divorce three years and ready to start meeting men! I decided to try the online dating thing and have question.
When on a dating site, such as Match.com, what is the etiquette about contacting men? Should I just wait for men to connect with me, either through a wink or an email? Is it okay to send a quick “hello” message, or is that too much moving into the man’s territory being the pursuer? I know your advice as a dating coach is against taking over the man’s role in dating, so I want to see what you have to say.
Thanks for your help!
Ready for Love
I tell my clients that contacting men is perfectly fine. I definitely think you have to wait for men to contact you. Go for it!
This is not being forward or usurping a man’s right to pursue you – its being friendly! Same thing goes for talking to men at a bar, singles event or any where for that matter. You can always walk up to a man and strike up a conversation! Just don’t linger. Give him the space to come and find you later if he’s interested.
Same thing for online dating. Here are a few tips to keep things light and improve your chances of getting a response when trying web dating. These are the “Do’s”
1. Keep your email to a sentence or two
2. Ask a question from something in his profile – this shows you’ve read it
3. Add a comment or compliment about something that struck you from his profile
4. Don’t waste time writing anything about you – that’s all in your profile
5. Don’t talk about how much you have in common – he’ll be the judge of that
1. Expect that every man will answer you
This has nothing to do with you – its just the way things are. After all, you don’t respond to every man, and if you do, please stop. That is a waste of your precious time.
2. Don’t email more than 2-3 men at a time
Things can get confusing with online dating. Make your life easy and don’t approach more than a few guys at time. This will make it much easier to keep track of who is who and also easier to converse. Do yourself a favor and don’t get overwhelmed and be too aggressive with your search.
3. Fall in love with a profile
It’s just a profile and frequently embellished or sometimes, sadly – fiction. You’ve got to email, talk on the phone and meet the guy to know if he’s who he says he is. This takes time. So don’t fall in love with how good he sounds on paper.
4. Don’t encourage pen pals
Unless you want a pen pal, beware of men who love to email you and text, but can’t seem to have phone conversations. Or they love to talk on the phone, but just can’t find time to meet you. I know people who have fallen for this and had virtual relationships for 6 months waiting to meet the person. It likely won’t happen!
5. Get all bummed out about rejection after every man you email.
Online dating involves a fair share of rejection. But that is just a part of the game. Please don’t get all down in the dumps because some guys don’t follow through. Online dating is a numbers game so keep going. There are more than 40 million singles online – how many have you met?
6. Get unrealistic with timing.
You have to collect a lot of data about a prospect to know if he’s good date or mate material. Know this is a process and that every thing takes time. If you are in a hurry, count on lots of disappointment. Things don’t hurry up just because you feel the clock ticking or want it right now.
Of course, there is so much more I can share with you and will in my next ebook begin written right now. Look for it this fall.
In the meantime – have fun! 20% of relationships today start on the Internet. Whether or not you decide to become a dating coaching client, these tips will help you find greater success online