Dating Over 40: I’m Desperate for Things to Work with Him

Have you ever felt desperate for things to work out with a man?  You met this guy and the two of you hit it off. Everything fell into place easily and you were elated to have found such a great guy. But as the weeks pass, maybe in week 8 or week 12, something shifted.

At first the change was minor and you barely noticed it – but you sort of did. With each week he seemed a little more distant. A little busier. Maybe he called less or  he texted more. It’s hard to put your finger on but you know, you KNOW something is different.

Your man seems to be losing interest. What should you do?

Some women go into hyper-drive to show the guy what a great woman you are. You might cook more, make cookies, or offer to help with a project. Other women try being even more flexible, bending over backwards to get the guy’s attention. Still others call more often, hoping he just needs a break and you can take over for now…

Inside you may be panicking, wondering if you are imagining things or making up problems where there are none. You  call your girlfriends, spending too much time analyzing each move and comment he makes. It’s unnerving, disquieting and very uncomfortable.

What do these scenarios have in common? They are all actions and thought patterns motivated by fear – the fear of losing it even if it was not fully realized. They are thoughts and acts of a woman desperate to recapture what was and rekindle the flame that seems to be diminishing and  possibly going out. I totally understand – many clients feeel this way. I have felt this way too.

Just the other day a woman called who was worried about her 5 week relationship. Darla had met Jack online and was very into him. But Jack had a lot of baggage – extremely difficult ex wife, small children and lots of mistrust based on  women cheating on him.

Jack wanted to take things slowly. When Darla and Jack were together it was pure heaven, but getting together, that wasn’t so easy. And, Jack just put Darla off for a couple of weeks with the excuse – family obligations.

Darla called me in a total panic.  She explained her own trepidations that Jack might not come through. Darla wanted to see things work out. From this dating coach’s perspective, I see RED FLAGS FLYING!

1. 5 weeks and Darla is very tied to this guy. But she’s only had four dates – how well does she know him – really?
2. Jack has admitted that he’s afraid of being hurt – not completely emotionally available is he?
3. Jack has retreated for a few weeks – after only the fifth week –  not relationship ready perhaps?

Darla’s panic is not a good sign. I wondered why she is so invested at this early stage? That’s too much pressure on a budding romance. Whether or not you choose me as your dating coach, I always explain how the first 4-10 dates are not yet a relationship. It’s just dating or as I call it  “data gathering”, observing a man’s behavior to see how you get along, if you enjoy each others’ company and if there is long-term potential worthy of your time.

If you feel panic and would like to transform that feeling, I’m here to help you. Whether or not you choose me as your dating coach, there are many strategies that can help like:

  1. Dating more than one man at a time
  2. Pulling back so he can come forward
  3. Managing your own energy and expectations

Each one of these methods can make a tremendous difference in your dating experience and success. Can you see the benefit and hear the opportunity in feeling supported by  a professional dating coach? Don’t let things spiral out of control. Give me a call 203-877-3777 and let’s discuss how you can have a more relaxed dating experience.




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