Dating After Divorce: He Sends the Sweetest Texts

I am 44, divorced and recently met a man on match.com. At first I wasn’t taking this seriously, but this one guy caught my attention and we started emailing. We really connected! So, recently I suggested we talk on the phone and he agreed. We have talked twice,  still email and he texts me A LOT! We live miles apart but with the texting, I really think it may go some place.

The issue is he doesn’t like to talk on the phone and his texting is superficial. I know he had a bad breakup with is wife. Do you think I say something wrong and scared him? We talk for a while and he seems distant but when we get off he’ll text me that he is reading a book he thinks I’ll enjoy!

Is he nervous about getting close to a women again? He’s really kind and an honest man. I have asked him to call me, but he’ll text late at night and say “wanted to call but…had a long day, too tired – sleep well…I smiled today when I read your text.”

So maybe he just needs to ease into this? Should I just come out and ask if he’s still interested or not? I feel he may want to keep it light and see what happens. I am in no rush really I just feel a little slighted that I am not worth a phone call even if it is late or it has been a hard day. Plus, I don’t want to be the one to move the relationship forward all the time!

I really like him and I think we may have something here.  What do you think?

Prefer Phone Calls

Dear Prefer,

I feel pretty certain this “relationship” is not going anywhere. I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you this but you have a pen pal and I’m sure this is not what you want to hear. But I want you to know the truth as I see it. That’s why people choose to work with me as their dating coach.

Never mind his bad break up or if he likes talking on the phone. You haven’t even met him and you already feel slighted. Not a good thing.

There are men like this on the Internet. They really want limited interaction and this is a perfect situation for him. Texting  – its easy to be sweet and a lazy style of communication when preferred over the phone or in person. As a supplement to these more personal communication methods – sure! Text away. But not as a replacement for real conversation.

I would say your guy is not ready for a real relationship. He likes knowing someone out there likes him. And enjoys your limited connection of course. But he is not emotionally available or geographically desirable.

My advice may feel harsh but the best  thing you can do is to forget him and look for men in your area who are ready for a relationship and want to not only speak to you, but meet you in person. You can’t date a man who won’t even talk on the phone.

In truth, you can’t really know if you ‘d even get along with him because everything could change dramatically in person. I’ve heard stories like this over and over again.

My wish for you is that you get back online and meet other more eligible men who are more interested and ready for a real live relationship. That’s exactly what you deserve. Please don’t settle for anything less.

Just so you know, when you work with me, I tell my dating coaching clients that a good rule of thumb regarding Internet dating is to follow this action plan: a few emails, then talk on the phone once (twice if you have to) then meet! That’s it. The last thing you want to do is invest time and your hopes and dreams in a man who doesn’t want to meet you or can’t find the time. His reasons for putting you off are meaningless. Either a man is relationship ready, or he’s not. It’s really that simple.

Here’s hoping you get back out there to connect with a good man soon.

2 responses on “Dating After Divorce: He Sends the Sweetest Texts

  1. Toby H

    Oh No Dear Prefer!

    I have a handful of male friends who prefer an sms relationship. They usually do this because its the most convenient way to flirt here and there. These are men who wanted to spice things up because their life’s is just way too boring, but they are no real deal. They are there just for plain fun, nothing serious.

    Toby H

  2. Cathy J

    I don’t have much experience with internet dating however Ronnie’s advice sounds reasonable enough.

    Remember though that grown up men may actually want to be friends first, as do some mature women. So they may stay away a bit longer to build the relationship.

    It all comes down to expectations – why are you dating? Gary Chapman has a great list in his book ‘Five Love Languages for Singles’ and I have seen a few good blog articles around on this topic.

    Do you want fast food or a slow cooked meal?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *