Dating Over 40: How to Avoid a Romance Junkie

Yesterday, I wrote about the perils of dating a romance junkie. It’s just one of those devastating dating pitfalls that seems so beyond wonderful when it starts and then, gets ugly.

But there are ways to keep your eyes open in case you do get swept off your feet unaware. Just to repeat the warning signs and red flags that will definitely accompany the tornado of romance:

-He’s in a rush to plan your future together
-He wants to meet your children right away
-He whisks you off to romantic dinners
-He can’t seem to get enough of you
-He talks about moving closer or in
-He plans a vacation with you

Here are 5 tips to avoid the heartbreak that follows time spent with a guy like this:

1. Observe
Keep your eyes open while you are being swept off your feet. More than one wise grandmother has said, “Watch what a man does, not what he says.” That advice is perfect for the romance junkie. Because he’ll say so many wondrous and romantic things that take your breath away and make you feel like Prince Charming has finally arrived.

Maybe he has, maybe not. Only time will tell as you wait to see if his actions match his words and he keeps his promises.

2. Take it Slowly
Romance junkies are in a big rush. but if he’s the real thing, there’s no reason to hurry. as a woman, it’s your job to set the pace. Don’t let a man rush you and don’t be too available at the on set. Space out your dates with a couple of days in between. No need to start collapsing your life into one until you see if he is worthy.

This is especially true about sex. While it might seem like euphoria to fall into his arms and bed, it might be worth waiting a little longer. Of course, you can just go for it and let the chips fall. That’s perfectly fine as long as you make that choice consciously. Heck – it could be the most fun you’ve had in a long time, even if it doesn’t last. Sometimes a good roll in the hay is just what you need to open up to better men! It all depends on your nature and only you can decide.

3. Stay Present
The romance junkie might be fantasizing with you about the future, but don’t you fall for it. Stay in the present moment recognizing that you have to see if things pan out. Enjoy the fantasy if you like, but pinch yourself if you have to, to remember you are still here now.

How do you pick up the pieces if you do fall for it? 
Shocking as this sounds, if this happens to you, I believe it’s  positive evidence that you are getting closer to finding the right man.  I’ve seen it happen many times.

While a small group of women will  decide to hate men and never try again, that doesn’t have to be true for you.  I work hard with my dating coaching clients to help them avoid this outcome and work past it..

Other women get stronger, wiser, and more determined than ever. It becomes the turning point for their dating journey. This can be a dynamic jumping off point. So, if you do meet a romance junkie and get swept of your feet, don’t dismay. You might be at the brink of finding love.

What? It’s true. Because you will recover, and when you do, you won’t be as afraid to get hurt. That fact alone will allow you to be wiser, but vulnerable when you need to be. Without a willingness to be vulnerable, it’s very hard to make that heart connection you long for. You can be vulnerable in a smart and open-hearted way at the same time.

So take heart, if you fall prey to a romance junkie, it might be a sign that love, true love, is closer than you think.

4 responses on “Dating Over 40: How to Avoid a Romance Junkie

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jason – sorry to hear this happened to you. It can happen to anyone. But now you are smarter, right? So when you are ready t look for love again, go slowly and take your time. There’s no reason to rush and that is a big red flag.

  2. Jason

    This was SOOO helpful! I literally just went through a blind sided break up where the other person did all of the following you mentioned:
    -He’s in a rush to plan your future together
    -He wants to meet your children right away
    -He whisks you off to romantic dinners
    -He can’t seem to get enough of you
    -He talks about moving closer or in
    -He plans a vacation with you

    Then after two months of nothing but escalating love, it was over out of the blue and over text. To be honest, I kind of new this fast pace was inappropriate for me, but it just felt so good at the time.

  3. Cathy J

    I so agree with this. I have a chapter in my book on this topic. Even if things have already been a whirlwind, sometimes we need to ‘slow it down to make it succeed’.

    I liken this to food – fast food might be okay sometimes, but on the whole fresh, slow cooked or lovingly prepared meals taste so much better. Eaten slowly the flavours are savoured!!

    As in relationships, only time will tell…

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