Dating Over 40: Beware the Red Flags of a Romance Junkie

victim of a romance junkie

victim of a romance junkie

Ever date a guy who seems to be everything you want, except for a few tiny details that you shove to the back of your mind and refuse to think about?

In the forefront, you are head over heels
He calls, texts, sees you and seems absolutely crazy about you. You have fabulous conversation. The chemistry – you could practically electrocute each other from the intensity of sparks flying.

He starts talking about your future from the second date. You didn’t prompt him on this at all. Nope. He brought it all up on his own which makes it mean so much more to you. He’s got a beach house and enjoys theatre and dining at fine restaurants. And he’s so romantic!

This is all so sudden and so incredibly wonderful…Or is it? 

Definition of a Romance Junkie
Do you know what a romance junkie is? Its a man who is literally addicted to romance. He loves it. He’s good at it. He looks for new opportunities all the time to fall head over heels in love and sweep women off their feet. Keep words: New and Women as in plural.

A romance junkie comes on very strong. He gets himself wrapped up in your life in record time. He’s in a hurry to impress you and win you over. Still sounds like fun right?

This incredible, amazing man with a highly evolved sense of romance is still a junkie. He’s addicted to romance and is ever in search for a new and finer romance. If you get hooked up with a romance junkie, you will most likely be a casualty of love.

It Happened to Me
I have a dating coaching client right now who just had a brush with this kind of man. My heart goes out to her and to any other woman who this has happened to . I know because it happened to me. I didn’t date for  four long years before I was willing to get back out there! I allowed him to take my power away. It took me precious time and the last of my 30’s to recover. That’s why I share this message with you today.

Here are the warning signs that can tip you off to dating a romance junkie:
-He’s in a rush to plan your future together
-He wants to meet your children right away
-He whisks you off to romantic dinners
-He can’t seem to get enough of you
-He talks about moving closer or in
-He plans a vacation with you

You get the picture. He paints them so vividly.

Does he mean any of it?
Interestingly enough, some romance junkies actually believe their own stories. In that moment while they spin the tale, it seems true enough. For others, it’s all part of the sweeping you off your feet ritual that they have down like they wrote the darn play book.

 Either way, it doesn’t matter. These men are romance junkies, and whether it’s the fifth date or after three months, your romance will start to feel stale to him. It will lose its intensity and newness. And he’ll start jonesing.  Needing a fix – the fix of new romance. Then as fast as he arrived, he’ll be gone. He’ll have successfully swept you off your feet and dumped you on the ground. He won’t be there to pick up the pieces.

What makes the romance junkie run?
-You might have a small disagreement and want to talk about it.
-You might ask a question about something in the future he’s planning.
-It might be Tuesday.

Women have spent countless hours rehashing everything that happened. Trying to understand. Trying to make sense out of it. Trying to get how a man could love you so deeply and then, poof vanish in a puff of smoke as if he never existed. Never planned your future. Never made you feel like Prince Charming had finally arrived.

See, you can’t make sense out of the behavior of a romance junkie. Because its junkie behavior generated from an addiction. You can’t understand an addict totally, unless maybe you too are an addict. If you know anything about addiction, you know you can’t talk rationally to an addict under the influence.

So forget trying to talk to him about it. He won’t go for that. Even if you manage to have a conversation, he won’t really be listening. He’s jonesing and moving on.

And you start rehashing looking for answers. If you could just fix whatever thing you did wrong. ..

Trouble is, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s him. It’s his problem. He’s a junkie.

Warning Signs of the Romance Junkie
So keep this in mind.  The answers are the red flags you see at the very beginning.

Heed those red flags! If he’s in a rush to get you into bed, to meet your kids, to plan your life together – these are flags! If he can’t get enough, if he has to see you all the time, if he’s constantly in touch, these are red flags waving!

The “why” doesn’t matter. You will never figure it out. What matters most is how to avoid this sort of thing again. I’ll tell you more tomorrow so come on back

photo credit: OlivierGR

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