Where can I find the good men? Ahhh, an age old question. By “good”, women usually mean men who are successful, attractive, charming and ready for a committed relationship. Unfortunately, so called “Good Men” do not congregate in any one special place. It’s not like they all go to the same dance or bar with a neon arrow flashing at the front door. It’s just not that simple.
I can’t tell you how many women call me, the over 40 dating coach, asking how to find the good men who want to be committed. They often ask, “What if I hire a matchmaker? They’ll have good men to introduce me too and I won’t have to find them myself.” Oh yeah, right.
Imagine if matchmakers and dating services had some magical way of sorting through the men to attract and register only the “good ones.”
Matchmakers Don’t Own the Market on Good Men
Matchmaking and dating services are businesses, like everything else. The business idea is to entice people to sign up. The services that are reputable will have some parameters, but most of them boil down to these three:
1. Can the prospect pay the fee?
2. Is the person single?
3. Do they have a criminal record?
Beyond that, there is little screening going on. Of course they ask who the person would like to meet and do try to find matches. But keep this in mind:
Matchmakers and dating services can only match you with those who are registered with their service. They have a limited inventory.
Think of it like a clothing store. If you shop at Macy’s looking to purchase Dolce & Gabbana jeans, but Macy’s doesn’t carry them. you aren’t going to find them. You have to select jeans from their inventory because that is all they have in stock. Same principle works with dating services and matchmakers. They have an inventory consisting of the men who are were willing to ask for help and pay for it.
Take a moment right now and think about this. How many successful, attractive, charming men do you know that need help finding a woman to date?
None. Exactly! (Find out what the Get Married Gurus have to say about this)
Think about the Millionaire Matchmaker
Look at what Patti Stanger goes through on Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker. This week she had two millionaires who were attractive, tall, 40, successful in business and even at picking up women. They claimed they wanted to get more serious. “Claimed” is the KEY.
Both men broke club rules not only during the matching event, but also on their dates. Bachelor #1 served his date dinner in his hotel room next to the bed. When dinner was over, he asked her to be dessert and sleep with him. She declined
Bachelor #2 wasn’t satisfied having one woman on his date, so he contacted another woman on Facebook and invited her to a three-some dinner! The real “match” was outraged and Patti threw him out of the club.
She Didn’t Turn Away Their Business
But, Stanger didn’t turn either of them down, sorting for only “good men” She’s a business person and decided to give them a try. She did her best, but she can’t make anyone behave. No matchmaker can.
Am I Suggesting Not to Hire a Matchmaker?
No, but you do need to be realistic about the available men. Whether you use online dating as your method to meet men, or hire a matchmaker or both, you will still need to do the sorting. There’s absolutely no way around it.
Sometimes a matchmaker will hit the nail on the head with a guy who meets all your criteria. People do get married via matchmaking frequently. But you will meet all kinds of men, an unavoidable facet of dating.
Be Reasonable and Patient with Your Expectations
Meet the people the matchmaker sends you. Meet some of the men who contact you via the Internet. If you turn away all prospects, you won’t meet any men. Don’t become the biggest obstacle to your search for love. Get real and get out there. Love can be yours if you open up to it.
The Get Married Gurus can help with Six Steps to Lasting Love
photo credit: Joe Pemberton