Dating Over 40: Soul Mate – That’s Two 4-Letter Words

How many times have you heard a woman say, “I’m waiting for my soul mate”? I cringe every time I hear those two words. Why? Because these two words can create a tremendous obstacle in a woman’s search for a mate. Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients meet men who are in the “ball park” of whom they are seeking. Yet, they make snap judgments about the men, thinking, ” If the guy’s not a home run, I’m not interested.”

Hello?

One of my favorite movies, Moonstruck has a great line delivered by Cher. She says to Nicholas Cage, “Snap out of it!” That’s great advice for those looking for the perfect soul mate. In my recent interview with the BBC’s 5Live radio, the woman interviewing me suggested that we blame our false relationship ideas on Hollywood. I agreed whole-heartedly.

Women get hung up on this dreamy idea of a “soul mate.” It’s story book stuff really. Something out of the movies.

I don’t believe in the narrow notion that there is only one right person. I think we have options and some are better than others for sure. Identifying a partner who can be a good counterpart, a good husband and companion – this is worthwhile. Tossing aside most men as you look for the one soul you were meant for? I’m not convinced this is the smartest way to find love.

Letting go of the search for the perfect man allows a woman to consider who might be a good, solid match instead. That is the way to find a happy, healthy relationship based on reality rather than fairy tales.

Love can be magical – its true. But the practical aspects of love and partnership are also crucial to a lasting, happy relationship. I’m not here to dash your romantic dreams. I’m rooting for you and supporting you 100% to find the love you want and deserve. The wider your search, the more men you consider, the more willing you are to get to know the men you meet, the better your chances for connecting with a good man.

Saying “No” is the easy part. I tell my over 40 dating coaching clients that learning to say “Yes” takes courage and conviction. Try saying “yes” to the men you meet more often. Even if you think time is too precious to waste, getting to know men is never a waste of time. Better than letting a good one get away because time was too tight to waste on him. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

As many experts say, “Cast a wider net.”  Take the pressure off and get to know more men. Push yourself  to give every decent guy who is in the “ball park” three tries before he strikes out. Don’t let a couple of four letter words limit your options and possibly keep you from finding a good man to love.



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