Yesterday someone left a comment on my blog about a new ebook – it had a negative angle on dating. The book’s premise blamed online dating for the cause of the large American single adult population and the advent of serial dating vs. committed relationships. Huh?
There is so much noise out there in the dating business. People naturally take different approaches. Mine is a positive outlook and one that I hope inspires and informs so that you can get out there to find the love you want. On the other hand, there are experts who talk about the downside and negatives. Not sure why or what the benefit is.
But I can respond to this concept of the Internet causing more adults to be single and commitment averse.
Internet Dating Causes Adults to Stay Single – NOT!
The Internet has NOT created more adults who are single and never married. While there maybe a “candy store” mentality that some folks operate under, always wanting to try another flavor, the Internet did not create this. Here are some factors that did help create this social phenomenon of half the adult US population being single.
1. Women’s Liberation allowed women to go to work, become financially independent and take care of themselves. We no longer NEED men, but many of us still want one for the partnership, romance, and/or child rearing.
2. The Sexual Revolution made it OK to have sex without commitment. OK for men and OK for women. Remember that old adage, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” Well there you go – cow buying is no longer required. No, we are relying on people’s desire to commit rather than necessity for financial stability or intimacy.
3. A 60% divorce rate has generated many mid-life singles.
Serial Dating vs. Committed Long-Term Relationships
Serial dating is a symptom of something even bigger than Internet dating which is happening in our society. Today, change is the constant in our fast-paced lives. This however was not always true. People used to find a job, get married and live in the same house for life.
But, before you lament the loss of life-long partnerships, think about this:
– How many people work for one company throughout their career today vs. in the 1950’s or 60’s?
– How many people live in the same house for decades or for life?
Given these two foundational mainstays of our previous stable lifestyle, it’s not that surprising today, with all the upheaval and changes, that romantic partnerships might not last either.
When I work with my over 40 dating coaching clients or speak to singles groups, and someone brings up feeling bad about several broken relationships, here’s what I say:
“Today, change is part of life. Situations shift and end all the time. Most importantly, learn from your experiences and possible mistakes and move forward in growth to create something new and better.”
That’s my view on the state of monogamy and relationships today. The Internet is not responsible for the fickle taste of men or women. Online dating is not guilty of creating a rampant single society. And in addition, Match.com did not start women’s lib, the sexual revolution or a 60% divorce rate.
People are the cause of these situations! OK and maybe the media for creating unrealistic expectations that many hold for the opposite sex. But that is still people who are influenced by the media. We, as adults, are responsible for how we react to the world and what it offers us.
To all of you dating over 40 or dating after divorce, stop looking to place blame about what you don’t want and feel angry about. Replace that anger by thinking about what you do want and how you can make it happen. Then get out there and do something about it!