– Do you get disappointed after a few emails?
– Do you get sucked in by a man’s voice, then feel empty when you meet in person?
– Do you start planning your future after a first date?
These expectations are natural for women who are dating. But not very pleasant. And sometimes they can impede your progress and cut into your willingness to continue the search.
My over 40 dating coaching client Sally just emailed on this very topic so I thought I would share my answer with you too. Sally had a fabulous email exchange going with Ted. After about 15 email exchanges, they finally got to talk on the phone and…bummer. No phone chemistry. How could that happen? Sad as it is to say, it just does.
Sally had read my post on 5 tips to make online dating sizzle and expressed that she wished she had known about the “2-3 emails before a phone call” tip sooner. She could have avoided the build up in her head about Ted brought on by many fun emails with him. As a dating coach, my heart goes out to women who experience these unnecessary disappointments. But there are some solutions that can help, so please read on.
3 Strategies to Manage Expectations and Avoid Devastating Disappointment
1. Never fall in love with an email, a phone conversation or a first date. Men must prove themselves and that takes time to get to know them and observe their behavior. If you fall in love from the get go with out collecting all the data, you are in love with the idea and not the man.
To thwart this tendency, the best outlook is what I call the “We’ll See” attitude. Don’t draw any conclusions but continue to collect more information. Does he follow through? Is he a man of his word? Do you enjoy time with him? Is he consistent? Does he treat you well? That’s the point of dating!
It’s not necessarily easy to do, but applying the “We’ll See” attitude will make a huge difference in guarding your heart.
2. Another strategy to avoid disappointment is chatting with and dating multiple men at the same time. Then you don’t spend too much time focused on any one guy. This really worked well for me.
Women naturally start thinking about a guy they are attracted to and its totally normal. The problem is HOW MUCH TIME is spent thinking about a new candidate? And how emotionally invested you get in the possibility HE represents?
When you are emailing more than one guy, talking to several men, and meeting different candidates on a regular basis, you can stay balanced with your thinking. You can avoid the “eggs in one basket” syndrome that tends to lead a woman down an emotionally precarious road of thinking any particular guy could be “The One.”
3. The third over 40 dating (or at any age) strategy is simple distraction. To ensure you don’t think too much, take a walk, read a book, clean out your closet, go out with a girlfriend, or start a project. Anything you can do to not think about HIM will work!
Sometimes you have to play mind games with yourself for your own good. These three strategies have worked really well for many women who are dating over 40 or at any age.