Dating After Divorce: The Rush to Meet You

rush to meet

rush to meet

You’re on a dating site and start an email conversation with a guy who looks good on the net. He says he’s excited to meet you and wants to do so right away.  But you haven’t even talked on the phone yet. You wonder what you should do. Has this happened to you? What’s the best way to handle this situation?

What I share with my over 40 dating coaching clients and those dating after divorce is this: The trick to online dating success is becoming skilled at reading between the lines up front. He’s enamored with you already just from your photo and a few emails. Hmmm. What’s the rush about? You think he’d want to hear your voice to get a better idea of compatibility. That’s what you want to do right?

Well, a lot depends on his agenda. Your agenda is to find a loving, caring, fun, responsible, long-term partner. At least that’s what most divorced women over 40 want.  But what is his agenda? Women who try to determine this up front are very wise.

Yet, you cannot judge a man’s actions by thinking what your own would be. Men just don’t think and act the same way women do. You’ve probably noticed that already (hahahahaha). So how do you figure out what his agenda is?

There’s only one way to know – IT TAKES TIME. Just no getting around that. You’ll need several interactions over time to watch for consistency in a man’s actions – between what he SAYS he wants and what he DOES.  That’s the dating advice I share with my clients who are dating over 40 and dating after divorce.

When a man is in a rush to meet (RTM) you, he might not care so much if you’re a good, long-term match. He’s more interested in your looks because he wants to get you into bed. Is this always true? No. But if I were a betting woman, I’d give it at least 95%. 

Any man thinking long-term commitment wants to hear your voice and find out if you’re crazy, smart or potentially compatible. There is plenty of information to be gleaned from your voice and a brief conversation. After all, how long does it take to make one phone call?

Don’t fall for this rush to meet (RTM) tactic. There are some less than respectful types out there who have one thing in mind. Nothing wrong with a little action if that is what you want. But if you want a lasting relationship, don’t let a guy fool you with the RTM flimflam.

 If he’s a good guy who really is excited to meet you, he’ll also want to please you, impress you and get to know you. He won’t have any objection if you simply ask to speak on the phone first.

All you  have to say is, “Let’s talk on the phone first. Give me your number and I’ll give you a call.” Dial *67 before you make the call to block his caller ID, then have a 20-minute conversation.

If you still want to meet each other – go right ahead. Set a date, make a plan for a drink or cup of coffee, take your own car, meet in a public place and see what happens next.

I’m rooting for you! Online dating is a great method for meeting new men. I encourage my clients who are dating after divorce or dating over 40 to use this as a viable tool. Just be smart to guard your heart.

Photo Credit:  Agtwo

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