Dating after 40: Your Rejections Don’t Predict Your Future

When I was finishing my MBA and looking for a job, many students saved up there rejection letters.  I also did this when I was looking for a literary agent. I thought it made sense since it helped me see how much work I had done. But it also reminded me of all the rejection. A visual representation of the cold hard fact that I couldn’t  find an agent. Legend has it Chicken Soup for the Soul authors received over 100 rejections or more before they found an agent.

For some, perhaps showing their track record spurs them on to keep going. If this is true for you and you love a challenge – go for it! However, if you add up your rejections and feel disheartened, perhaps this isn’t not the best practice.

Today I had a “virtual lunch” with a new over 40 dating coaching client. Kim is a single mom who feels very discouraged about dating.  It’s certainly not always roses, that’s for sure. But she did seem to be adding up the years of disappointment creating a huge amount of anxiety and a dismal outlook.

I understand how this can happen. But, I spent time convincing Kim to try her best not to add it all up – as if it points to anything in her future. When I awoke on my 40th birthday still single, I thought it was pointing to my future – signifying that I would be alone for the rest of my life.

That is NOT what happened – I’ve been married for 9 years.

Since my history was not indicative of my future, I work with my dating coaching clients to consider and follow the same revised perspective. Don’t add up your troubles, rejections or bad dating history. None of that matters if you LEARN FROM IT.  Once you gather the data and change your behavior, outlook or methods to do things differently, your history becomes completely irrelevant. In fact, you will now benefit from your history!

Please don’t add up your rejections.

Instead, spend time thinking about what you have learned from each situation, then put that new wisdom to work for you. This is a far more positive use of your life experiences and will lead to creating the life you want and the love you deserve.

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