Dating Over 40: Can We Still Be Friends?

Mr. CleanDear Dating Coach,

My boyfriend  broke up with me two months ago. We dated for 8 months and I met his family. He recently moved out on his own from a family place. He said we’re not right for each other in terms of cleanliness, etc. He said people don’t change and when they do they become themselves again.

I have been learning to be a better girlfriend and I want to know if I can call him to be friends with him and maybe he will ask to start the relationship again. I really love him and want him back. Should I call or wait for him to call?

I thought he really loved me. If he really loved me, should he have loved me even when I get upset with him?

Thanks for your help,
Missing my ex

Hi Dear Missing,

It’s hard to lose a boyfriend. I’ve coached many  over 40 dating clients about their relationships and breakups and how to move on.

Some people manage to pull off friendship after a break up. I’m not a big fan of this in your situation since you are really hoping for more. You could try to be friends, but the chances of getting him back that way are very hard slim.

Your ex said he didn’t think you were compatible for reasons including how you keep your home. I would take him at his word. I don’t recommend calling him or waiting for him to call either. Instead, why not be proactive and start looking for a new man? One who is better suited to you? One who likes you the way you are?

I think it’s great that you have learned to be a better girlfriend! But, as  far as making him mad, I need more info.  Some people fight a lot in their relationship – others get along well.  Every couple is different. But if you did have many disagreements  – that can make it harder to keep a relationship going and have it be enjoyable.

Your boyfriend probably did love you. But, perhaps he was not the right guy even though you loved each other. Love is not always enough – getting along is also very important to the longevity of a relationship.  My dating coaching clients who are dating after divorce tell me this quite often.

There are plenty of guys out there. I’d advise you to think about what you learned from this situation and if there is anything you might do differently next time around. Every relationship provides an opportunity to learn and improve your skills which you mentioned you were already doing.

Then, get out there to meet a new partner!

Wishing you love,

Ronnie – The Dating Coach


Photo credit: roadsidepictures

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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