This past weekend, again at the RI Singles Lifestyle Expo, a guy stopped me to ask how he could avoid the “crazies” – women online who might be wound too tightly. You know the type – Glenn Close plays a character in the movie Fatal Attraction where she dates this married guy and boils his family’s rabbit on their own stove to get back at him for dumping her…
Fernando is a handsome divorced guy just getting back out there and has concern about who he might meet or run into. It’s a fair question. After all, women often worry about the creeps they might meet. Same thing really. I had three pieces of advice to help him with this dating after divorce problem:
1. Listen to what your date says
Really listen, because often a crazy person will reveal themselves but many people simply don’t pay attention. Don’t let questionable comments or behaviors just slip past you. Pay attention to these red flags.
2. Watch out for excess communication
Sometimes women (or men) will tend to overload your inbox or phone with texts and voice mails. This is not a sign that the person likes you a lot. This is a sign of insanity if it happens from the start. No one can like you that much that quickly. This behavior smacks of desperation or co-dependence or something else that you don’t want to find out more about. Trust me on this one. Get out while the getting is easy.
3. Drama that appears in the first month or sooner
The best way to minimize or eliminate drama when dating after divorce is to pay attention to it. If you start having drama from the word go, that is not a good sign. In fact, it can be a tell-tale indication of upcoming trouble brewing. Don’t make excuses for the person. If your date starts creating drama, “Exit stage left” as they say in the cartoons. Get out before you get in too deep.
This advice works for either sex. Women can be crazy and dramatic and so can men. The best thing you can do if this is your concern or you have a history of attracting crazies, is to make a list of the behaviors you never want to see again. Then when you start dating, if these red flags crop up – PAY ATTENTION and heed the warning signs.
I’m looking out for you. I want you to have fun and find someone balanced and healthy. It’s just as easy fall in love with a rational, grounded individual as it is to fall for a crazy, so why not avoid the drama and go for the healthy relationship?
Dating over 40 and after divorce can have it’s ups and downs, but there are some things you can avoid. Crazies are one of them for sure.
photo credit: poshmoggy