Dating After Divorce: Why Do I Attract Con Men?

Hi Ronnie,

I bought your ebook MANifesting Mr Right and have done the exercises several tines over and taken action. Though making new friends I have still attracted men who have problems, are crazy makers or con men, etc.  I am not dating at the moment as I’ve had enough.

Could you please let me know how I can re-inspire myself as I’ve tried to manifest with the law of attraction for the last ten years with similar material and am getting no where.  I have been single for twenty years after my divorce and am mostly by myself.  Each time I try to manifest I get traumatized by a guy who isn’t who he makes himself out to be. I came from an abusive upbringing and have tried to clear this for many years. What do you suggest?  
Thanks Gloria

Hello Gloria,

I’m sorry to hear about your frustrating love life. It can be so irritating when the law of attraction works for some people and not you.

Obviously I have limited information on your situation. But as an over 40 dating coach, my first thought is to ask what you think about men? What are your attitudes about men and about love? Do you have an underlying belief (especially based on your history and upbringing) that men are not to be trusted?

I ask this because that seems to be the end result as you have pointed out and experienced.

Should this be the case, you need to start shifting this foundational belief. It’s part of the human condition to desire to be right. If your underlying belief is that all men cannot be trusted, you will likely continue to find evidence to prove that statement is true. Does this make sense?

One way I recommend to my over 40 dating coaching clients,  is to begin noticing men in your life who are good people and can be trusted, whether they are single or not. Perhaps you have friends or family who are in good relationships and can leverage their example to shift your belief.

There are good men all around and the other type as well. I compare this to the proverbial questions: Is the glass half full or half empty?  Either way you look at it, the same amount of water (men) is in the glass. So this becomes  a choice on how you tend to see things.

Once you start to appreciate men, notice and believe that good men exist, your attractive powers will shift to bring in better, more trustworthy men.

I know this is possible because I have seen other may dating coaching clients make the transformation. My hope is that knowing it is possible will get you on the road to believing it can be true for you as well. The past is the past. It does not have to dictate your future. Do what you can to start with a clean slate, looking for new evidence that men are good and can be trusted.

The second thing I tell my clients is to keep your eyes open. What I mean by this is that  men often show their true colors right up front. But sometimes women chose to not pay attention to the red flags because there are so many other things they like about the guy. Don’t watch for red flags – that is a negative stance once again. But, if you see a red flag – don’t ignore it!

If a guy says he’s crazy about you but doesn’t call regularly because he’s busy with work, etc. – that’s a red flag. If he pours on the romance like too much salad dressing, hold off on falling head over heels until you see some consistency over time. Usually the super romance guys don’t make it past the 6-week mark. So guard your heart for a bit longer by observing his behavior before you give it away.

I can’t cover all the red flags, but you get the idea.

I know there is love out there for any woman who will make the effort to shift her negative beliefs that hold her back, and then get out there to cross paths with plenty of men. Dating after divorce or any time is a numbers game. The more men you meet the better  your chances of finding the right one for you.

It happened for me – it can happen for you too.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

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