Dating After Divorce: Stop Resisting and Learn to Trust Yourself

kayakingLast week on Saturday I went to a picnic for the National Speakers Association. Honestly I didn’t want to go, but I had friends going, so I went.

The party was a at lake front house owned by a member and parked at the edge of the water were two yellow kayaks. I talked to a few people, but the kayaks were whispering to me, “Ronnie, take me out for a spin.”  Finally I stopped resisting, As I paddled around the lake, I enjoyed gliding through the quiet water with little effort and viewing the shoreline homes.

Resisting Going with the Flow
Half way around the tiny lake, the boat started turning left on it’s own. I used my right paddle to correct the boat’s direction. But it went right back to facing left. My first thought was, well maybe it’s time I went back. But I wanted to finish my paddling. The boat had other ideas.  Six times the boat turned left, so I finally gave in, and paddled back to shore.

When I arrived, lunch was being served. It was the perfect to arrive back at the party. Things had picked up. I sat at a great table, ate and talked and thoroughly enjoyed being back on shore. Plus, my kayaking created great conversation.

Do You Resist or Ignore Red Flags?
Bringing this back around to dating, how often do you resist what your gut tells you? How often does your intuition tell you what to do, but just like me you decide to follow your own path? How often do you wish you had just paid attention to your instincts rather than ignoring red flags?

It’s the human condition to resist.  However, when I have managed to wake myself up, shut my ego down, and follow my instincts, I’ve never gone wrong.

Case in Point – My Intuition about Jeff
I remember one guy I dated who had just gotten divorced. Jeff swept me off my feet and then I landed on my butt. He was really cute, such a guy, fun and seemed to really like me. We had four dates in 10 days. I was thrilled, excited, in heaven, floating and completely taken. Or should I say taken in?

On our fourth date, Jeff was extremely romantic. We went for a walk in the park and sat on a bench . As I listened to him talk about our future, I heard a voice in my head that said, “You aren’t important to this man.”

WHAT? What the heck is that about? I figured I was just somehow fearful because I couldn’t  believe my good fortune to have found this great guy. I ignored that intuitive warning, letting my desire override my gut. Just like me vs. the boat, but I refused to pay attention back then.

Turned out my intuition was right on target.  I never saw Jeff again after that night. And I vowed to listen the next time I had a hunch about someone. Naturally, I’m human and don’t always manage to follow through every time, but I have gotten better.

Advice for My Over 40 Dating Coaching Clients
If you have gut feelings about something or someone – please pay attention. No one knows better than you about what is right  and when something feels off. If you aren’t prone to being suspicious and you have a gut instinct- listen up!

Heed the messages that come your way and protect your heart. It’s easier in the long run to go with the flow rather than resist what you know is coming.  As the saying goes, “Denial is not a river in Egypt.”  Dating after divorce is hard enough so the smartest thing you can do is learn to rely on and trust yourself.

photo credit: freewine


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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