Over Dating 40: Divorced Men – The “He’s So Busy” Excuse

Men who don't have time

Men who don't have time

Many of my dating coaching clients tell me about the divorced men they meet who are incredibly busy. Between their careers, kids, chores and hobbies, they just have so much going on. As a result, they can’t seem to find the time to get together. Hmmm.

To me, the word dating is really a contraction for two words – data and gathering. That’s the whole point of dating – to gather data about prospects to see if they are worthy of your time. For some people, they just date to have fun ansd meet people. But for those of you who might be looking for the “real thing,” you need gather data.

What does this really mean? Well it’s about observation. This is like high school chemistry class. Remember back then? You put the ingredients into a beaker, you stir, turn on the bunson burner and wait to see what happens. No adding more ingredients. No additional stirring. You don’t mess with the experiment or you won’t be able to identify the results.

Same goes for dating. You want to see what a man will do to “woo” you and win you over.

  • Does he offer to pay?
  • How soon does he call between dates?
  • Does he call but not ask you out?
  • Does he ask about you in conversation?
  • If you met him on the net, does he ask to meet you within a week or two, or put you off?
  • Does he cancel with excuses of how busy he is?

Observing during the initial courtship is crucial because it never gets better than that. Never.

Everything you  need  to know is right up front. That’s why you don’t want to prompt him, call him or offer to pay. If you do that , you are messing up the chem experiment and won’t know for sure what he would have done if you did nothing but be your sweet, receptive self.

This is how the chase works and the chase is not over. Oh no – the chase is still alive and how dating works, even today.

If a new prospect is too busy to meet you the first time, when will things get better? Based on a title of a famous dating book -“He’s just not that into you.”  If he was really interested and wanted to get to know you, he’d make the effort regardless of how busy he is.

Another possiblity is that he might not be serious about finding love. If a man is just dating around, then meeting you or the next woman doesn’t really matter. He can be cavalier because any woman he’s attracted to will do. That’s not a good thing either unless you are feeling casual as well.

Anyone can have an emergency and not be able to meet. But if this becomes a pattern and happens more than once – RED FLAG. Why waste your precious time on a man who can’t keep a date or find the time to meet you? Move on. There are plenty of other men to date. Don’t be too nice accepting or making excuses for him.  You deserve better. Please honor yourself and look else where.

 photo credit – metamuro

5 responses on “Over Dating 40: Divorced Men – The “He’s So Busy” Excuse

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Rsky – that’s why sometimes you have to look within to see how you might do things differently and why working with a dating coach can make a difference in your dating results. Just something to think about. People fall in love every day at any age. My clients find love so you can too.

  2. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Rsky – taht’s why sometimes you have to look within to see how you might do things differently and why working with a dating coach can make a difference in your dating results. Just something to think about. People fall in love every day at any age. My clients find love so you can too.

  3. Rsky

    It appears that its VERY easy to say “move on”. There are TRULY NOT “good quality” men. They seem to be holding on TIGHTLY to their past and in major denial. I’ve tried the on-line dating and regular dating.. men in their 40s just seems useless ?

  4. Terry P

    Thanks for an interesting and enlightening article. I’ve often heard ‘I’m too busy’ line, but tended to give them the benefit of the doubt. You’re right, if it becomes a pattern, time to move on.
    Terry CA.

  5. Ronnie Post author

    The author of the photo is given credit at the bottom of the article with a name and link. Thanks for asking! I always credit the photographer and use photos with creative commons license so I don’t step on any toes.

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