Dating Over 40: Why Do You Attract Married Men?

My friend and fellow dating advice blogger, Terry Hernon MacDonald, wrote an excellent response to a question on attracting married men on May6th. Terry suggests that this problem may stem from several potential issues. Sometimes:

1. There is a subconscious fear of attracting the right man.

2. There is an underlying fear of commitment which you can’t usually get from married men, which makes them more attractive.

3. What is unavailable is more attractive and more challenging to chase/desire

Here are a few of my own possibilities:

4. There is a question of worthiness – do you deserve to be loved by a man who is free to return your love?

5. There is a belief that all the good men are taken and begin attracted to married men proves your belief is accurate. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you desire a healthy relationship, discovering what is creating this obstacle can be helpful. Terry recommended an exercise that is quite revealing and simple to do.

Take out a piece of paper and write the word marriage at the top. Next, without editing, write down all words that come to mind related to marriage. You may find a mix of positive and negative thoughts, such as  love, loss of freedom, cooking, children, cheating, divorce, etc.

Addressing these negative thoughts can help you to start not only being attracted to available men but attracting them into your life as well. Read the whole post for yourself to get the most out of it.

With my dating coaching clients, belief that “all the good men are taken” can be one of the hardest and most rewarding issues to handle.  For women who are willing to challenge themselves in this area, the shift is completely AMAZING!

I have seen women turn this around in literally four weeks. No kidding. Going from a staunch insistence that the good men are gone, to suddenly having to choose between a bevvy of good suitors.

It happened to Hannah, a redhead who had been living in dating misery for years. She struggled to meet decent men online or any where. During one particularly revealing coaching session, Hannah finally came to the realization of how she held herself back with this limiting thought.

She vowed to change her thinking by focusing on the reality she preferred – one where there were many potentially great guys to choose from. Within four weeks, she had  a completely new problem-one most women dream of – figuring out which guy of three she was dating to focus on!

Dating Coaching can dramatically change your dating results. Learn how working with me could help you too.

2 responses on “Dating Over 40: Why Do You Attract Married Men?

  1. Jennifer

    Ronnie, couldn’t agree more about the whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing. I have some friends who think that all men are liars and cheaters and they have the ‘pleasure’ of proving themselves right time and again. It can be hard to get someone to consider a different point of view, but I guess when they get fed up enough they’ll try something new!

  2. Cara

    Great post, Ronnie! I’ve struggled with attracting unavailable men for years… not necessarily the married kind, but the work-aholics, those living across the country, etc. I’ve had to take a good, hard look at why I was attracting these guys. Still no Mr. Wonderful in my life yet, but I’m attracting better quality men with each day that goes by.

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