Dating After Divorce: Should I Evaluate My Date During the Date?

lady-justice photo by billogs

Melissa asked me during our dating coaching session today, “Should I evaluate my date while I am still on the date?” Good question!

For some guys, she knows right away if she wants or doesn’t want to see them again. But for the men she feels uncertain about – it can get confusing. I bet.

Be in the Moment
I explained to Melissa that it was a much better idea to be in the moment with new guys. Stay focused on what a man is saying rather than trying to determine if he has qualified for date #2.

It’s human to critique during the date, but this process can cause problems:

1. If you aren’t really focused on what the guy is saying, you could miss something and look foolish. 

2.  You might miss opportunities to discover how cool a man really is because you are too busy judging him.

3. You could miss the opportunity to shine and really get into the conversation since you are having a separate one with yourself in your own head!

Separate Being on the Date from Reviewing It
What works so much better is to listen, participate and enjoy getting to know your date. Then later, after you are back home, review what happened and think about things. Separating these two steps, being on the date versus reviewing the date, keeps your head clear.

Many women spend way too much time critiquing and not enough time listening and enjoying the get-to-know-you process. After all, that is the whole point of dating! Yet, how many times do my clients complain to me that the date was a waste of time? This especially true for those over 40 who feel they have little time to waste.

You Never Know Who Your Date Knows
Even if you don’t like your date, many women have turned these situations around to make great friends. Plus, you never know when kismet will visit and who will be your connection to “the one.” Everyone knows approximately 250 people, so every time you turn your nose up at a man – you are also letting go of everyone he knows.

Reserve Judgment for Later
Save your judgments for when the date is over.  As the old saying  goes, “Make hay while the sun shines.” Relating that adage to dating, get to know the person in front of you. You can always say “no thank you” later, but in the  mean time, learn something interesting, hear a new joke or make a good friend.

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