Dating After Divorce: Are You an Angry Woman? How Your Outlook Changes Your Dating Luck.

Dating is a very emotionally charged undertaking.  No question about it.  The idea of rejection is foremost on your mind and you are primed and ready for disappointment. Perhaps you’ve had more than your share of dating frustration.

Here’s the interesting thing – when I compare notes with other dating professionals, we discovered that some people are much angrier than others about the very same situations.  Hmm, that’s a curiosity isn’t it?

Stringent Criteria Creates Greater Frustration
The clients we are talking about are the ones who fly off the handle when the guy doesn’t call within 48 hours.  Or who won’t meet a guy because he’s 5’11” rather than 6 feet tall. Or will only date men with a masters degree or higher.  Or don’t want to date someone who lives outside the geographic circle even by 15 minutes. Women who have stringent ideas about men who are worthy and won’t budge on a thing.

Keeping these factors in mind, it’s understandable that they are angry. Why? Well for one thing, most mid-life men just aren’t perfect. How many 45-year-old men do you know that have no baggage? For that matter, how many 45-year-old women have no baggage?

Are You Serious About Finding Love?
That’s why if you are single and serious about finding love, your outlook is the most vitally important element contributing to your success. It’s not a perfect body or long straight hair. It’s not your career accomplishments or your ability to complete a 50-mile bike ride. Nope. It’s all about your attitude.

Think about it this way – how many men are over 6 feet tall? I heard a statistic recently – just 10% of the male population is taller than that. Then you want him to be college educated, make at least $100K, have hair, active and fit,  open to trying new things, a great conversationalist, with a good sense of humor, and be charming to sweep you off your feet.

Are Your Expectations Reasonable?
Is that reasonable? Or realistic? Where did these steep criteria even come from? And is sticking to this story making you happy?

Your attitude comes into play in several ways that can lead to success or unhappiness:

1. A willingness to compromise, even in small ways on your list of “must haves” for the man of your dreams.

2. A positive outlook when you go out to meet men which makes you that much more attractive

3. A pleasant demeanor when you are talking to dating professionals. When you scream at your matchmaker, what impression are you making? And how happy will the matchmaker or event host (for dances and speed dating) be to please you?

Your Anger Can Get in the Way of Love
When you can strengthen your belief that finding love is only a matter of time, you can remain calm and open to possibilities. When you get freaked out that the right man wasn’t the one you got set up with and take out your frustration on others, you are not helping your cause.

The Law of Attraction
Positive energy attracts more positive energy. Like attracts like. That is the Universal Law of Attraction made common knowledge by The Secret. This law applies to how you talk about dating, how you talk to dating professionals, how to you talk to single men. Absolutely everything factors into the equation.

Awareness is the First Step to Creating Change
If you find yourself thinking, “Oh oh, this does sound a bit like me,” that’s a good thing!Awareness is the first step to making a change. Take baby steps to become more positive with your outlook. Correct yourself when you notice negative language in speaking with others or even in your head. Only you can improve your attitude. I had to take this step myself, so I know it’s not only  possible, but also worth the effort.

My audio program entitled I Believe will help strengthen your belief that finding love is real and possible for you.

I found Love After 40
I managed to marry at 43 against the counsel of two astrologers who both said marriage wasn’t in the stars for me.  And after friends and family told me they thought I’d probably be alone the rest of my life. Things did not look good. But I made this shift and it was worth every single bit of effort.

Let Go of Anger to Become More Positive
Find a way to release your anger. Find a way to keep your expectations reasonable so you don’t explode. Find a way to  make friends with the matchmakers and event planners who are working to help you. Find a way to help yourself. You will be so much more attractive! And you will feel more relaxed, hopeful and positive about the dating process.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

4 thoughts on “Dating After Divorce: Are You an Angry Woman? How Your Outlook Changes Your Dating Luck.”

  1. Wow! I love your articles, they give me hope. I just want to say that I can’t believe that some people (including friends!) told you that you would be alone for the rest of your life!

    Good for you for sticking to your guns and finding someone great.

    Reply
    • Thanks Carol! I’m glad you feel more hopeful! That is one of my main objectives so I’m thrilled to hear what I’m doing is working for you!

  2. Thanks Linda for making a great comparison. You are so right – achieving most goals requires the very same steps – fitness, career, love, etc. – the process is very similar.

    Reply
  3. Hi Ronnie! WOW! If you take the titles of your paragrahps here, you can apply them to getting FIT, too (Actually when I read your book, I felt that your strategies were applicable to most ANYTHING worth having in life! kudos!)

    As a fitness pro, acknowledging frustration, managing realistic expectations, ad creating awareness are all pyschological factors in making any important change in your life… from fitness to inviting someone to share your life with!

    Great post!

    Reply

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