Dating After Divorce: I’m Not Your Ex! – Insightful Dating Advice from a Single Midlife Man

Last week I interviewed a single guy, 46, who had some very interesting advice to share with single women.  Jerry has done his fair share of online dating on Match and special interest sites too.  Here’s what Jerry has to offer women who are in the process of searching for love and dating:

1. Don’t Judge Each New Man by Your Ex
Maybe you had a lot of issues in your last relationship. It happens, but Jerry is asking you to consider that all men are NOT THE SAME. They don’t all cheat, lie, have problems following through, etc. His point is hard to argue with when you think about it. How ridiculous to assume every new guy has the very same flaws as your ex. And yet, Jerry says women assume this all the time.

Solution: Give each new man a chance to prove himself if he seems like he’s got potential. The point of dating is to “gather data,” so observe the men you meet and their actions to win you  over (or not). Treat each man like the unique individual he is. After all, you wouldn’t want men to assume you have the same flaws as their ex-wives or ex-girlfriends right?

2. When You Are Nervous, You Make Me Nervous
For whatever reason, Jerry has met a number of women who seem terrified that he’ll be an axe murderer. (I’ve met Jerry and he’s not scary at all. Rather handsome in fact)  If you are this nervous about meeting new men, either find another way to meet men or find a way to feel safer and get more comfortable. 

Solutions: Meet guys online dates (or dates from any method) at Barnes & Noble in the cafe – they have well-lit parking lots, plenty of other people milling around, things to stimulate conversation like books, magazines CDs and are open late.

Another way to feel safer is to call a friend and tell her/him where you are and what you are doing and when you expect to be finished. Then keep to that schedule and call them when you go back to your car to let her know you are safe.  This way, if for some reason you don’t call, your friend can call you to check in. And someone knows where you are.

If you’re really frightened, drag a friend/sibling with you and have that person sit separately but nearby to watch over you.

3. This is a Date, Not Dating Therapy
Jerry is a good listener and a nice guy. Unfortunately he seems to have a knack for attracting women with dating trauma who  share their woes with him. Not surprisingly, Jerry isn’t that interested in your dating dirt. He’d rather focus on you.

Solution: The best advice is to avoid talking about your ex or bad dating experiences.  If you want to make a good impression and get a second date, please reserve your bitch sessions and dating discussions for  your friends.

Thanks Jerry for the male perspective and tips! More from him tomorow.



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