Dating Over 40: First Date Scheduling Difficulties

Dear Ronnie,

I have been communicating with this one guy on Match that in the virtual world seems like a good fit for me. We’ve been trying to meet however because of our schedules it hasn’t happened yet. I finally said lets talk on the phone – he said he would call me on Monday or Tuesday night…..he never did.

I received an email from him Thursday with the following:

“Sorry I have not called yet but it has been a very busy week. My available quality phone time is usually after 9pm, and I don’t want to call that late on the first call. My nephew is in a basketball playoff tonight at 6pm and if I do get home early enough I will give you a call. “

I am a little turned off that he didn’t do what he said he was going to do….words and actions matching is very important to me.  Am I being too stubborn and black/white?

Scheduling Challenged in CA

Dear Ms. Scheduling,

It’s always best to pay attention to a man’s actions rather than listen to his words –  advice many grandmothers would give because it’s true in any era. This guy has already shown that his word is not good.  If talking on the phone and meeting you are not his priority now, when will It be? Things don’t get better than the beginning.

First impressions count. He’s not impressing me or you either. Listen to your gut.

I know sometimes women want to give a guy a chance which normally I would advise.  But I’m not convinced this guy is worthy of your time. If you really want to meet him – what the heck? Just keep your guard up and be aware that his follow through is likely a big issue. His priorities are not focused on finding love.  And, his actions don’t bode well, so don’t fall for any additional empty promises. If he doesn’t follow through again – go fishing for a better man!

Remember, you can’t date a man in the virtual world no matter how good he looks there. He needs to be in the real world, pursuing and pleasing you to make him a viable candidate for romantic partner. Real men who want a relationship do exist! Don’t settle for anything less. I don’t care how busy the guy is, if he wants you or is serious about love, he will make time.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

4 responses on “Dating Over 40: First Date Scheduling Difficulties

  1. Ronnie Post author

    As your first date, even though this amy seem hard, I’d suggest you take the pressure off. Don’t try to everything perfectly. Just be yourself. Be a gentleman – i.e. open the door for her, let her order first, etc. Try to have an even balance of conversation – don’t just talk about yourself but ask her questions to get to know her. And try to simply enjoy yourself and her.

    Most importantly, if things don’t work out, don’t blame yourself.

    Good for you for breaking free from non-dating inertia! Get out there and ask women who interest you out for the practice. The more women you ask out and date, the more your confidence will grow. Plus, you will get to know yourself in the process as well – who piques your interest, who you are attracted to, what personality type fits best.

    You might meet the right woman immediately – this current one could be The One, but if not, keep going until you click with the right woman. Best of luck!

  2. anonymous male

    I am in a unique situation. I am successful, intelligent and decent looking. But I never had any confidence around women, therefore I never dated in my life. At the age of 42, I have overcome my insecurities and in the process of asking out someone whom I have known for a while. She is a great person, but does not know that she will be the first date in my lifetime. Are there any suggestions on how I should approach this with her? Let me know

  3. Ronnie Post author

    Good point Cara – there are some basic things you need to expect from the people you date. If your prospects don’t have time to date, they are not good prospects. It’s really that simple.

  4. Cara

    Amen, Ronnie! The male dating pool is full of guys who say one thing and do another. If he has limited “quality phone time”, why didn’t he say that up front?
    You’re not being stubborn, Scheduling Challenged, you’re being you. Your have the right to expect a guy to be true to his word.
    Cara

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