Dating Over 40: My College Boyfriend emailed Me-Yikes!

Not surprising that during the month of February with the Valentine’s holiday,  I am in the news. As a Dating Coach, its my busy season. There was a great article with photo in the area where I grew up. In this day and age of blogs and technology, I wasn’t thinking about who might be reading my stuff.  Sure enough, my boyfriend from college saw the  article.

Steve looked me up on the  Internet and read “My Success Story” which explains how I didn’t date much between 22 and 40. Embarrassing, but I always felt it could help motivate others who had also put dating on the back burner.  In my story, I explain that my college boyfriend had broken my heart and this is the reason I had shut down to dating. Well guess what – he read that part too!

Next thing you know, I have an email from him. He wrote a short note acknowledging the piece in the paper and then mentioned that he hoped he wasn’t the college boyfriend I alluded too.

Well yeah, it’s you – we dated from freshman year to the fall of senior year. Our  breakup was strange to say the least. We went out one night to a local bar and after a short time, he was ready to go. But I was just warming up.  So I gave him the keys to my car and told him to go back to my apartment and watch TV or whatever he wanted to do. I’d get a ride home from someone later. I lived off campus with friends and they were all out for the night.

When I returned home, instead of hanging out with Steve, I told him I’d take him back to his dorm.  He gathered up his things and we got in the car. On the way there, I just told him all about the night, who I saw and how much fun it was. No fighting at all. Arriving at his dorm, he took his stuff out of the car, bent over to look back in the car at me and said “Good bye Ronnie?” with a question at the end. I responded with a simple “Goodbye Steve.” That was it.

I never saw him again. I never spoke to him again. Until our 10 year high school reunion which he did not attend. But he did send a message through a friend apologizing for the way he treated me. That felt good. 

We ended up getting together for dinner one night after that to talk. I thought I’d have a lot to say. But when we did get together, the magic between us was gone and I realized ther ewas nothing more I had to say. We just caught up on life and I let it all go. Surprising and relieving too

Now, countless years later ( I can count them but why put that into print?) he pops back into my life. Unbelievable. As you can see, the memory of these events has not really faded.  I can still see his puzzled face as he leaned into the car. I knew that would be the end of things and I was ready to have that be so.

We exchanged a few brief emails this week. I wrote back and said that in fact, he was the college boyfriend, but I no longer harbor any bad feelings. And honestly, I allowed him to treat me poorly, until I ended the relationship. So I must take responsibility for my part of how things went. I was young and in love and didn’t know any better. I didn’t have a dating coach – I wish that such a thing had existed back then.

Steve apologized again via email, telling me how I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. He’s right about that. And all these years later, it felt good to get another apology. The whole exchange actually touched me deeply.  It’s amazing how much I could feel his energy just through an email. But my feelings about him are of times long past and not current.

People in our lives leave a deep impression on us. Emotionally and energetically. I’m still sorting through my feelings about our exchanges this week. I wish him only the best and he sent me the same encouraging wishes. 

To me, this brief reconnection feels karmic and clearing, cutting right to my heart. I hope we are both released of any last vestiges of hurt, guilt, disappointment and are freed up from this baggage for greater joy in life and love.  Every life experience makes us who we are today.  

Thanks Steve.  I wouldn’t be the Dating Coach with you.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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