Dating After Divorce: I’ll Let the Personality Test Dating Sites Weed Out the Men for Me

I was talking to a woman the other day, tall, pretty, blonde, smart, 38. I asked Teddie if she is single and what steps she is taking to find love. Teddie  explained how she’s online with eHarmony. My heart sank for her.

I explained why eH has so few men – because most men don’t want to fill out 436 questions about anything and don’t care about personality tests. She just giggled and said she didn’t care because she figures the men who do  fill out their laborious questionnaire will be self-selecting and more likely just her type. Oh yeah? Really? Are you sure about that?

I’m not so certain.

First – dating is a numbers game and eH just doesn’t have the male inventory, especially over 40.  I know this from the hundreds of women who have complained bitterly to me about how men on that site are always 50 miles away or more and how there are so few matches. That’s why this strategy dramatically limits  Teddie’s options. Not a big enough pool of applicants from which to choose.

Second – if a guy does fill out the 400+ questions, does that really guarantee she’ll like him? I doubt it. He’ll likely have a good deal of feminine energy and that often translates into a turn off for most women. Women want a man who is self-aware and senstive AND still masculine, confident and decisive. Yeah, OK , not the most likely combo…

Third – If she’s thinking about having babies, matching sites are the slowest boat going. At the end of your 30’s, volume is essential to your success. You need to meet as many men as possible to find a good match in a shorter time frame. If her action plan includes sites like this in addition to other methods for meeting men – OK, that might work. But relying solely on a personality matching site is a dubious route for changing your single status.

I spent a bit of time with Teddie explaining  these short comings and encouraging her to ramp up her search if she is sincere about finding a loving relationship.

For those of you out there looking for the right man, you can find him! It is totally possible! That success can be yours if you are willing to put in some time and not rely solely on empty promises from online dating sites that use personality tests. Consider adding several methods to your action plan to widen your search and improve your odds for love.

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