Have you ever seen the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? Here’s the link for the trailer on youtube. In the film, Bill gets stuck in an endless loop of repeating the very same day – Groundhog Day, until he manages to get things right.
Do you feel this way about your love life? Are you stuck in an endless loop of dating guys with similar flaws?
If this sounds like your situation, you may have a “type” of guy. Types have similarities that always make your heart skip a beat. For some it’s about looks – the Eddie Baurer type, or the rock star type, or simpler -tall, dark hair and blue eyes.
For others, they look for similar personality characteristics – an intellectual, a rich guy, an artist type, a charmer.
What’s your type?
There are some serious draw backs to consider if you insist on dating only one type of man:
1) If you only want to date men who look a certain way, that dramatically limits your pool of applicants
2) If the men you date must have a certain type of job, again this limits you
3) If the men you date must have a very specific personality type, you limit yourself.
Catching on that types limit your prospect pool? Plus how a man looks is no indicator of how he will treat you or how you will get along.
Another drawback is that a specific kind of man often comes with a specific type of problem. For instance, charming men are often players. Just the way things work. Not every time, but probably 99.5%.
One of my clients recently insisted she has to have a charming man and she won’t settle for less. But she hasn’t had a relationship in the last four years because Mr. Charming, no matter who he is, doesn’t seem to stick around.
If you have a type and are feeling like Bill in the moive Groundhog, may I make a few suggestions?
1) Expand the narrow focus of who you will date to include more men. Try blondes, smart but not mensa members, or successful but balanced lifestyle.
2) Do an inventory of past relationships and look for similarities between the men. Once you find the good points and bad, you will have a list of the downside to watch for. When you see these elements in the men you date, that’s a red flag to pay attention to and perhaps reconsider
3) Hold off on snap judgments and give guys a chance. If men approach you and your usual response is to think – get lost, give the man a chance to talk with you. See how things go for 5 minutes. Talk to him. When you give yourself a chance to get to know a person, you have a much more genuine opportunity to meet a good man.
4) Focus on qualities relating to how compatible you might be with him and how well he will treat you. These indicators are far more important for a lasting relatinoship than those sparkly blue eyes you can’t live without.
Don’t let your shadow keep you inside the dating burrow like the groundhog does some years. And stop mimicking the movie, possibly repeating the same dating errors over and over again. Instead, get out there to meet plenty of men so you can connect with the right man for you.