Dating After Divorce: First Date Conversation No No’s

You’re a smart, friendly woman who knows how to talk to people and hold a good conversation right? But how many of you end up talking about taboo topics that are not good for first date discussions? You may not even realize the effect some of these subjects can have on the man sitting across from you.  While some are more obvious than others, women admit they talk about these things anyway!

1) Your Ex
Why bring up a sore subject for you? When you complain about your ex, you are announcing that you have allowed yourself to be treated poorly.  Don’t advertise past mistakes! Leave your ex out of the conversation. There will be plenty of time to share your romantic war stories, but not when you are trying to show off your good side.

2) Your Kids
Of course your children are the most important part of your life. But a man wants to think he might occupy that place at some point. Play the game by focusing on getting to know each other and leave the kids for another time.  Being a great Mom is wonderful, but not very romantic.

3) Your Job
Maybe you have a great job that you are passionate about. Lucky you! Maybe you hate your job and enjoy berating your boss because it makes you feel better. Either way, don’t let work be the center of your conversation. If you love what you do, share a measured amount, but move on to other things like recreational activities. If you hate your job, telling tales won’t make you look good, so don’t get started on the first date.

4) Your Money
Perhaps you’re proud of your financial accomplishments as well you should be. But you do want to be careful not to outshine a man in this department, at least on the first date. Men have surprisingly sensitive egos and cling to the idea of being a good provider.  Let him for this moment – he’ll find out soon enough what you have if he asks for future dates.

And if your financial situation is tentative, don’t share that either. You don’t want a great man to be scared off if he gets the idea you are looking to be saved.

5) Your Sexual Escapades
This seems like a very fun and exciting topic to some women and there is no denying that truth! But if you don’t want to sleep with the guy on the first date, don’t talk about sex. In fact, men can be funny about a woman’s past and sometimes like to think they are the only ones. Also, you don’t want to sound too experienced which could come across as  having “been around.” Again, not good for making that all important first impression. When dating in mid-life, you will naturally have a history, but don’t bring this up on the first time out.

If you still feel unsure of what to talk about, here are four easy rules of thumb. Ask yourself these questions before you bring something up:
1) Will talking about this show me in a good light and make a good impression?
2) Will talking about this keep the focus on us and getting to know each other?
3) Will talking about this create conflict or keep things flowing smoothly?
4) Will talking about this provide too much information, more than needed on a first date?

Lastly, if a man brings up any these topics, feel free to change the subject! This is an opportunity to collect data about the guy, but I wouldn’t let it go on too long. You don’t need to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable either. Just admit that you prefer to talk about that some other time.

Happy Chatting!

6 responses on “Dating After Divorce: First Date Conversation No No’s

  1. Ronnie Post author

    Of course this work is my own! While it’s true that many experts say similar things, that just goes to show you how on the money the advice really is.

  2. Ronnie Post author

    Good luck out there Lauren! There are still loads of great men to meet and date. It’s my pleasure to inspire and motivate.

  3. Ronnie Post author

    Hi Lauren,
    Thanks for your nice comments. I work with a matchmaker who calls me the walking encyclopedia of common sense. That cracks me up! I’m glad to be of help. Good luck out there!

  4. Lauren

    Ronnie, you offer so much practical advice…I’m looking forward to putting it to good use as I start dating again. You make it positive & fun. Thanks!

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