Dear Dating Coach,
After about 9 months of meeting and dating men, it seems I may have found a good one. Rex and I get along really well and enjoy each other’s company. He calls me a lot and we see each other often – it’s so nice! We’ve been together for about seven weeks.
The one thing that is nagging at me is that he doesn’t have much education. He’s a plumber. Me? I have a master’s degree. I really wanted a man with a good education, so I feel confused about this.
On the one hand, I am grateful to you because with your help, I was actually open to meeting such a great guy! But the education thing is bugging me. What’s your take on this requirement?
Educated but Puzzled
First let me say congratulations on your budding romance! Yeah! I knew you’d find a good man out there.
Now to address the education dilemma.
In my book MANifesting Mr. Right, I have a chapter called Perfection Won’t Keep You Warm at Night. You have every right to want what you want and get the qualities you seek in a man. But, where you can bend the rules a bit, it can be advisable.
Why? Not because you are "settling." I despise that word! That’s not it alt all. When you loosen up on your requirements, you allow yourself to meet more men. More men will be eligible prospects and the wider the pool of applicants, the better your chances for finding the right man for you. This might apply to education, divorce, height, hair, income, or any number of criteria you have in place for screening potential suitors.
Regarding education specifically, my question to you is what will his college diploma do for you?
1) Some say that its a right of passage and an accomplishment. OK, that’s true, but there are certainly other measures of accomplishment.
2) You might feel a man without college won’t have much in common with you – but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
3) Perhaps you feel attending college is a sign of intelligence. I beg to differ on that one and have met many people with advanced degrees who don’t possess a bit of common sense or intelligence.
4) You want to be sure you are on par intellectually. But that college educated man could still be less equipped or smarter than you! College doesn’t guarantee intelligence.
Personally, I married a man without a college degree and it’s working out fine even though I have an MBA. Eight years and still going strong. Over the years, he’s learned more about marketing and business and I’ve learned quite a bit about mechanics and how things work. And when I need a proof reader, he’s my man. He sees the errors I make with exceptional skill and if you read my blog, you know I am the queen of typos unfortunately. So my masters degree hasn’t helped me there.
In addition, Paul reads the paper to keep up on current events, where I avoid the news because of it’s negativity. (Paul shares the highlights with me.) That’s just another reason why we are a great pair! We COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER. We are not the same, but we fit together well.
As long as you feel you can have a good conversation and he gets who you are and what you are talking about – isn’t that what counts? If you can find a way to relinquish this need for education, you may discover you have found a wonderful potential life partner.
Wishing you love,