Dating After Divorce: Why Didn’t He Like Me?


Dear Ronnie,

I am wondering about the last few guys I’ve met.  Seemed to me like we had a good time. Yet, no second date from any of them. I feel that I’m loveable, so I’m not sure what the problem is. Maybe something I’m putting out makes me undesirable to the one’s I’m attracted to?
 
I’m confused about this and am wondering how could these guys have missed who I am and decided not to see me again? I’m not sure what to do with this – can you help?
 
No Seconds
 
Dear No Seconds,
 
Trying to figure out why someone doesn’t like you is not a good use of your time. There are a million possible answers and perhaps none of those are even true. Who can say?
 

Here’s a checklist of things to think about, just in case you may be doing something without realizing it, that pushes men away.
 
– Did you say thank you at the end of the date and praise him for something you liked about him? (I hope so)
– Did you keep the discussion positive and upbeat?  (Or talk about your ex, complain about dating, discuss your children, tell him how independent you are or let him know how busy work keeps you?)
– Did you leave room in the conversation for him to talk and did you ask him questions to demonstrate your interest in him?
 
If you did these things (on the positive side) you have nothing to worry about. Often, it’s nothing you did that prevented a second date. Sometimes men wait too long to call and then feel stupid. Sometimes they lose confidence. Sometimes they meet someone they like better or aren’t even sure who they are looking for.
 
My advice to you is don’t worry about the men who got away. The ones who didn’t pick you aren’t that important to your dating success.

Instead,focus on who you might meet next! There’s no telling why someone didn’t connect with you. But one thing I do know is things happen for a reason. If you didn’t connect with someone, you can probably count your blessings. The natural process of selection is actually a very good friend in dating.

 
The good news is you are out meeting men! Please keep on doing what you’re doing and know it’s a numbers game. At some point soon, you will get second dates and find men who are looking for a great woman like you.
 
Love to you in 2009!
Ronnie
 

 

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