Men contact you online. You look at their profiles and weigh the odds. Will you like him? Are you attracted to him? Was his write up dull or intriguing? Is he active enough, smart enough, fun enough?
Sometimes you know immediately whether or not a man is worth investigating. But other times, how do you know you’ve made a good decision? None of this is simple or easy regardless of what the ads say on TV. But if you’re back and forth, vacillating about guys, trying to decide if you should email, talk on the phone or meet, you might be a seesaw dater.
The seesaw dater has a few telltale characteristics that make her dating life difficult and drive her crazy. See if any of these habits sound like you.
· – You decide you don’t want to meet a man before you have talked on the phone. But you stress out worrying that you might be missing something.
· – You vote no on a man him because you don’t like his photo, but you leave his email in your inbox anyway.
· – You ask your friends what they think about the guy and even read his email and profile to them, but you don’t answer his emails for days.
These habits are not likely to serve you on your dating journey, but they could drive you crazy over thinking every step and decision you make. And your friends might want to do you bodily harm if they have to listen to you go back and forth about a man you haven’t met one more time. If this does sound like you, its time to try a new way to handle the sorting process.
1. Get clear on fact vs. fiction.
If you have a hunch about a guy – sure follow it. But if you are creating a whole scenario in your head about him, his motivation and what he is thinking – you are making up stories. You need more actual information vs. the fiction you create, so keep the communication going until you gather more data and can make a decision based on facts.
2. Get clear about your dating agenda.
if you are worrying that you don’t want to talk to him on the phone because then he might ask you out – this is not productive. If you don’t want men to ask you out, what are you doing on the internet? If you want to date men, you ‘ll have to sort through by emailing, talking on the phone and meeting them. This is the only way unless you have the Fairy Godmother thing figured out and get her to just delivery your husband to your door.
3. Get clear on your attitude about men.
If you are waiting for the guys you are conversing with to do something wrong or have ideas that all men are cheaters, liars or eventually show their true colors, you may have an attitude problem. All men are not scoundrels. Some are, but plenty of men are regular people like you. Stop being so hard on the guys and push yourself to get to know a few. Pick the best of the bunch and go out with them! Work on getting a second date. Practice your flirting skills and making a man feel good about himself.
Stop getting in your own way. If you recognize any of these behaviors, you could very well be sabotaging yourself on the dating scene. Learn to enjoy men rather than dread them – it’s a lot more effective for find the right man for you.