Dating After Divorce: Are you in the “No Zone” in your Thinking about Men?

 

Have you been out of circulation for a while? Yet you are reading dating blogs, articles in magazines and talking to your friends about finding a man.
 
Do you find yourself bemoaning the lack of men as a big topic of conversation with your girlfriends? Maybe you’re just out of practice and have been hiding a way as part of your recovery process from being hurt by your past relationship.
 
If any of this description sounds like you, you are in very good company. Women complain about men and want them simultaneously ALL THE TIME. Nothing new here.
 
Of course, from my perspective as a dating coach, I have an important question to ask you? Does any of this help you achieve your goal? Does complaining about men make you happy? I know it can be fun and create a bonding experience, but does it make you feel good?
 
I’d like to make a suggestion. Just for one week, seven little days, what if you start noticing how often men show up in your conversations in a negative way? You might be talking about how they disappoint you or how hard it Is to find one. Either way, start noticing your thoughts and discussions with other women. My bet is you’ll be surprised at the frequency the topic comes up.
 
Awareness is always the first step in making any shift. Once you are aware of the negativity, you can do something about it. What if for just three days, you work to not say anything negative about men? You can handle three days. Just 72 little hours and 24 you’ll be sleeping, so that’s really only 48 hours.
 
If you catch yourself veering off into the "no" zone, don’t worry or berate yourself. You are learning a new habit so notice it, be kind to yourself and then shift your thinking to something positive about men. I know you can come up with something. You might need to prepare a few good thoughts ahead of time in case you need to pull one out in a hurry.  Here are a few of my favorites:
 
Nothing like kissing a man who knows how to kiss.
There’s something so nice about having his arms around me.
Dancing with a man who can really move is so much fun!
 
You get the idea. If you are stuck in the negative zone in your thinking about men, it’s time for a change. Get out of that habit and work to form a new, more healthy way of thinking about men. Otherwise, you may be doomed to find all those flaws you focus on, because, as the saying goes, "Energy flows where attention goes." That’s an old Hawaiian Shaman saying meaning whatever you think about – that’s what will show up. It’s similar to the Law of Attraction.
 
Don’t put your energy into what you don’t want to experience! Instead shift your thinking to start believing men are wonderful and that it would be nice to find a good one. YOU CAN DO IT – THIS IS COMPLETELY POSSIBLE. I am proof positive and so many of my clients who have been successful finding the love of a good man. Think about what you like about men and you’ll start noticing that men seem to have those qualities. It’s true and it works.

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