This past Sunday in the New York Times was a very interesting article about how men decide to get married and to whom. According to the writer, Tad Safron, it appears to be random in nature and based solely on his sense of timing. Here’s Tad’s theory:
Think of a man’s perspective on relationships like a ride in a New York taxi. Most men ride around all the time with someone in the taxi. She could be any woman, sometimes brilliant, sometimes just good looking. And they drive around until the woman says, let’s take our relationship to the next level. When pushed, they usually stop the cab, ask her to step out and look to pick up another fare.
But, for some strange reason comes a defining moment in time, when a man decides, "I’m sick of driving around," and he decides to marry. Who ever the lucky woman is sitting in the back of the cab becomes the winner. It’s an unplanned, spur of the moment decision.
Tad claims that while some men feel they really have met "the one" woman for them, most men just decide spur of the moment and which ever woman they are with will do. Because of his theory, Tad suggests to women to "hang in there" because maybe you can out wait him and become Mrs. Spur of the Moment.
Don’t listen to this man’s strategy on finding a husband. This is complete and total nonsense. While he seems to dislike the idea of women requesting commitment, that is the only solution with one caveat – your age. If you and he are younger, maybe in your 20’s, men are less likely perhaps to feel ready and may require more time than a man who is 38 or 45. But many men will never be ready until they are put to the challenge.
Let’s face it. Men don’t easily commit today because they don’t have to. With so many alternative arrangements that have become acceptable, why buy the cow when the milk is free? I don’t blame them really. But that is not the end of the discussion.
My strategy encourages you to know what your dating agenda is. Do you want marriage? If the answer is yes, then own it and let people know. Not in an obnoxious way, but to inform. Tell your friends, in case they are prone to fixing you up. Put it right into your online profile. If it chases men away – GOOD! Less time sorting via email, phone and in person. Let them self-select to make your life easier.
And whenin a relationship, when you feel enough time has passed and you want to know what he’s thinking about the future, (maybe after 6-10 months, maybe a little longer depending on your age, desire and timing) just ask him. Men do hate this, but most often it becomes a woman’s "job" today to move things along. Don’t berate, badger or demand. Just ask in a simple, non-pressured way, off the cuff event, "Have you thought about getting married?"
If he runs, that stinks. But at least you’re not wasting time. If he struggles, maybe he’ll grow to like the idea. And if he seems ready too – hurray!
With times as uncertain as they are today, if marriage is your dream, please go after it. Now is really as good a time as any. Maybe better.