Dating After Divorce: Do You Worry about the Future Before There is a Future?

Are you a natural born worrier? Answer these three questions and you’ll get an idea of your worry quotient and then learn what you can do about it!

1) Do you worry about the future potential a man might have before you finish the first date?

2) When you see a guy online who has kids, do you worry he won’t have enough time for you, without having an email conversation?

3) Do you worry you won’t be able to get away from your date if he’s not to your liking, before you even meet him?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you are prone to worry before you have something to worry about. It’s OK,. You’re human. But does this behavior doesn’t have to run your life?  Absolutely not!

There are a number of different methods you can use to short circuit your worry cycle. Here are three I highly recommend.

1) Ask yourself, "Is what I’m worrying about really true?
For example, one of my clients recently expressed her concernt that men are bascially lazy and won’t do what it takes to have a relationship. I challenged her about that asking – is that really true? With some help she reconsidered that generalization and came to see that  not all men are too lazy for a relationship. Maybe some men are, but not all.

There could be lots of reasons why men who seemed interested didn’t follow thorugh to ask her out. A guy might have changed his mind, met someone else, got distracted by work, etc. None of these are good excuses, but they are not what she was worried about either right? This method of questioning yourself and your beliefs can help you negate those blanket generalizations that get you down.

2) When you realize you are in a worrisome thought loop, replace those negatve thoughts with something else.

For example, if you’re worried about being stuck on a date with some guy and not feeling free to just get up and leave,  replace that stressful thought loop with a positive statement or affirmation. "I am a confident woman who can handle situations gracefully." When you handle things gracefully, you can figure out how to get out of just about any situation right? Create a statement taht works for you and say it to yourself often.

3) Sometimes you might start fretting about potential outcomes not going your way.. And this way of thinking can limit your options.That’s when you tell yoursefl in a kind way to get a grip. Stay in the present moment and realize you’ll need to actually meet the man before you can know somethings for sure.

For example, you might decide to shun all men with kids because they’ll never have enough time for you.  But is that true? Some men will attend every single ball game, where some men will only see their kids on the weekends. You can’t know this until you meet him, and then you’ll probably need to experience a few dates to know for sure. Shen you catch yourself thinking this way,  say to yourself, "Hey, you’re getting way ahead of yourself. You haven’t even met this guy yet! Stay in the present moment and stop making stuff up about the future."

Now that’s a plan!

You can use any of these three techniques to help you end the cycle of premature worry. They will all work and work well together too. Sometimes the brain is very stubborn and you may need to apply the techniques several times. That’s normal too. You’re brain is used to the worry cycle, so it may take some time and effort to shift this behavior. But it’s worth the trouble to free yourself from the unecessary stress.of worrying before anything has even happened.

Worry is expending energy about something that hasn’t happend yet. It drains you and prevents you for trying new things. Don’t let worry get the best of you. Try these techniques and get a jump on things before you start worrying about that too!

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