Dating Over 40: Looking for Love? What’s wrong with now?

Saturday a potential new client called me to talk about coaching. She wanted to know how it works and could I help with her match.com profile. We talked for a while and I explained the coaching process. Vanessa had a lot of questions. Turns out she met me 6 years ago at one of my dating workshops! She liked what I had to say and had decided it was time to do something.

As we continued to talk about online dating, photo or no photo, which sites might work best for her, etc. she finished up by saying she had to think about it and would get back to me. Think about it? "Vanessa," I said, "You’ve been thinking about this for six years. What’s left to think about?"
 
Vanessa said she preferred to wait until September to attend one of my workshops. I tried to encourage her that this time of year was the best for seeking a partner and that she shouldn’t miss the season.
 
I could not convince Vanessa to take that step. Her fear of what might happen when she gets out there to meet men has completely immobilized her.  And that’s a shame.
 
Eckhardt Tole, author of the Oprah sensation, A New Earth, was previously known for his book, the Power of Now. The whole point is that the only moment of power we have is NOW. We cannot change history and even one minute ago is lost to us to make any changes. And the future is uncertain and untouchable, until it becomes now. Now is really all we have to take action. In this moment, in this breath, on this day, you can do something that will change your life and your destiny.
 
Vanessa isn’t the only one who is putting off looking for love, even though she thinks about it all the time. I met a young woman at the gym who is in the same boat. She’s such a cutie, but highly rejection sensitive. I talked with her about coaching and she said she’ll probably sign on. That was six weeks ago. I called her on it last week and she said, "Well, are you gonna make me do stuff, like talk to men?" Uhhh yeah. That’s the whole point!
 
Please don’t think I’m lacking empathy. I understand. Maybe you had your heart broken or were horribly disappointed, or any of a number of other unpleasant things. But, no matter what, after healing, there’s only one step to take and that is forward. You will never attain your goal without taking that step forward. And the best time to take that step forward is now.
 
I’ve been in those shoes. I did nothing for nearly 18 years. I missed out on love for a major portion of my adult life. The only difference between the me who did nothing to meet men and the woman who was on a mission to find love was this: a simple decision. The decision to do something – Now.
 
I stopped worrying and decided to take action. Because worrying, waiting and doing nothing hadn’t helped me find the man of my dreams. Last Monday was my eighth wedding anniversary. That’s the proof in the pudding, so to speak. It was all worth it. Every bad date and disappointment along the way to meeting my husband.
 
I invite you to decide. To take action. To get moving. To stop waiting. Now is the moment of power. Invest the time and energy in yourself. Request some help if you want it. But do not wait around thinking about it.
 
Stop thinking, get out of your head and get busy.
 
Your life is waiting and the man of your dreams can’t meet you if you don’t get out there!
xoxoxoxoxo

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