Dating Over 40: Serial Monogamy – The Opposite of Dating

Have you heard of this term – Serial Monogamy? Until recently, I hadn’t. But I just interviewed a matchmaker from Massachusetts, Lanie Delphin of Massmatch.com. Lanie explained that serial monogamy is the result of people who don’t really want to date. They just want to be in a relationship.

The pattern involves rushing from the first date  immediatley into a relationship. Any relationship, without much concern if the person is a good match. This can lead to a series of relationships that don’t last. Some for weeks, some for three months, some for two years. Serial momogamy becomes a series of monogamous relationships that don’t work out.

Lanie feels that the solution to this syndrome, is to date – date a lot. The idea is to date casually and not get emotionally involved until you get to know a number of people who are potential mates. Then, once you see where things shake out, you have far more knowledge about the prospects in your dating pool. And this knowledge helps you to make a more informed decision about the right match for you.

There is some definite wisdom to this philosophy. I dated a lot of men before I settled into relationship with the man who is now my husband.  But, to some extent, you need to find someone you get a long with and then hang in their a while before you really know. Things happen as you spend more time with people that are telling. That’s why it’s good to get to know someone through all four seaons before getting married.

It helps to see what happens when you have a disagreement. How do you each handle a fight? How do things get resolved? Do you both fight fairly, maturely? Or does it get ugly? Really, how can you know these things without being together for some time?

I think the idea of dating casually until you find someone that feels like a good fit makes a lot of sense. Its great to meet lots of people, try different types to get to know what works and what to rule out. But at some point you will have to settle in and check things out. I don’t know of another way to find out if a person has relationship potential.  Perhaps the idea is to pre-qualify as best you can before launching into that couple phase.

Keeping your head about you, collecting information about how your date meets your long-term criteria and treats you, remaining objective for as long as possible. These are the smart things to do during your dating journey. Many get swayed quickly by emotion and then logic goes out the window. That’s really the key factor in finding a successful relationship.

I’d love to hear your reaction to this concept so please feel free to chime in!

And make hay while it’s May – this is the best time of year to get yoru dating campaign moving!

 

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