Dating Over 40: I Want a Man Who is Just Like Me

I promised more from Thursday night’s workshop. so the saga continues!

More and more, I find that women in their 30’s and 40’s want to date men who meet very specific criteria. Many women know exactly what they are looking for including energy level, activities and interests, and economic status or promise.

What about you? Do you know who you want to date? Take a moment right now to think about some personality qualities that you must have in a romantic partner. Is he charming, intelligent, affectionate, healthy, active, respectful, enjoys culture – art, theatre and museums, confident and independent? Those might be a few descriptors of whom you are seeking.
 
I have found a common thread among the vast majority of women who do this exercise with me. And what has been most curious about these descriptions is that often, women are actually describing a mirror image of themselves!
 
Does that surprise you? And when you think about it, is that what you really want? Would a man who is similar to your own personality really be a good match?
 
Whatever happened to opposites attract? What about someone with different interests who could broaden your life experience by sharing with you? What if the guy you are seeking is willing to do the activities you like sometimes if you join him in his favorites?
 
Come on now. Let’s get real about this. If you are looking for a mirror image of yourself, you are going down a narrow path that may just lead you … no where. Expecting a man to be just like you or even like one of your girlfriends is setting an incredibly unrealistic standard. It’s a rare man who is going to be like one of your girlfriends and if he exhibits these qualities, is that a man you really want to be with? Will he have enough masculinity to satisfy your needs in a partner?
 
I doubt it. The right man will likely never resemble you, or one of your girlfriends for one simple reason. HE IS NOT FEMALE. Duh, he is a MAN. And men are not like our girlfriends (unless they are gay and then they might.)
 
Some similarities and cross-overs of interests would be great of course. But when you think about the couples you know – do you often see two introverts together or for that matter, two social butterflies? Not usually. One person is usually more reserved and the other is more outgoing. And that is just one example of the differences you might encounter. Some opposition is required to create the magic and spark the interest. That is part of the master plan.
 
Now it’s true, on the "Real Housewives of New York City," a Bravo network reality show, there is one woman who is best friends with her husband. They always shop together, and in fact do most everything together. In fact, she dragged him along to a girl’s night out with the other millionaire housewives which raised total havoc with the other women. Why? Because it’s not girl’s night out if a man is there!
 
If you want a man to be a man, about his life choices, his willingness to step up to the plate in a challenging situation, or to ever take the lead so you can take a rest – you’ll need a real man, not a surrogate girlfriend. Or you could end up with a man who has a lot of feminine energy who is looking for a woman who will take charge and care of him. And if that’s what you want, that’s totally find and your choice.
 
My point is – be in touch with the reality of who you are seeking as a partner. If any of this rings true, take some time this weekend to re-evaluate who you are looking for. What personality characteristics do you really need? What will help you get along and be compatible? What will make things fun, exciting and interesting?
 
You may be surprised that you will acquire a taste for a few new characteristics that will not only make it easier to find a man, but will help you get along better and avoid previous pitfalls as well.

 

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