Dating Over 40: When is it OK to Call a Man?

Last night’s workshop at Pymander Books was fabulous! What  a great group. A few very intersting tid bits came up in discussion that I wanted to share with you this morning.

First off, there were nine women (mostly 40’s and 50’s) and one young guy (Billy) – guessing early 30’s. That made for an interesting mix, especially when we started talking about the cougar thing – younger men/older women…

Anyway, we were gabbing about dating protocol (the third section of my book, MANifesting Mr. Right) and calling. When a guy calls, how often, how much time in between, etc. You get the idea. Well Billy chooses that time to chime in.

Billy: "So, it’s not good to wait too long to call a woman?"

Ronnie: "Not really. Waiting means you aren’t that interested."

Billy:  "Well how quickly shoul dI cal?"

Ronnie: "You don’t want to look to anxious or clingy, so you don’t have to call the same night (after a date) or the next day (although that would be nice.) but certainly with in two days, if you really are interested in her.

The only time this wouldn’t be true, is if your dating agenda is to date casually. Then you can call whenever you want, because you aren’t trying to move into relationship.

However, if the woman doesn’t want a casual relationship, she will probably cut you lose at that point. That’s exactly why, IF YOU DO like a woman and want to see more of her, you shouldn’t wait to call. Women feel you aren’t attentive or  interested when you don’t actively pursue."

Billy: "Oh, I didn’t know."

He didn’t know this? Doesn’t this seem so incredibly basic? I am completely amazed. Another example of the ridiculous amount of confusion there is in dating roles and how the game works. In Billy’s defense, he is a young 30 something. So perhaps being that age, things are less clear. Especially in this day and age of aggressive women.

You know I’m dying to coach Billy. What an impact dating coaching could have on this handsome guy. Whew!

So if this has happened to you and you are saying to yourself,  "See Ronnie, I told you I should have called him!" 

Well, I guess that’s why I always say, if you want to call or email a guy once, who seems to have fallen off the map, go ahead. Just don’t do this repeatedly. One sweet nudge, one friendly hello is perfectly fine. That’s when it’s OK to call a man. But repetitively prompting a fellow who isn’t responsive is just not a good idea.

Now I hear you asking, "Well why not?"

Because, you want a man who is interested enough to pursue you. If you have to do something to get him to call, email or even see you, he isn’t taken with you. And he won’t get invested in winning you over.

Why would you want to be with a man you have to chase? This often turns into a convenient booty call for the man. A woman who is willing to take over the pursuit will do almost anything to win a man over. My bet is, that’s not what you had in mind or a good situation.

When a man takes the initiative to pursue you, he gets emotionally invested in wiining you over, pleasing you, making you happy and usually (not always) building a relationship. So, if you desire a relationship, this is the best strategy to follow. Let him pursue, email, call and ask you out. Then go, smile and enjoy!

I’ll fill you in on more tomorrow.

 

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