Dating Over 40: 7 Reasons Why Younger Men Date Older Women – the Rest of the Story

On Monday, I shared three reasons younger men date older women. Here’s an additional four reasons that all make sense regarding the appeal of the "cougar."

For Status
Older women are more accomplished. Today many women have power jobs and make a boatload of ka-ching. And so, just like younger women who date older men, younger men are looking for the flip side of the traditional equation. And let’s face it, many of these "cougar-types" are looking for what older men have known for years. Dating younger will help keep you young and bring back the glow of youth. Sounds good to me!

Men have traditionally sought the company of younger women, also known as "arm candy." Now it’s your turn. If you want some candy, go get some honey.
 
For Oedipus
The term for this classic psychological motivation was coined by our friend Dr. Sigmund Freud. The Oedipus complex is actually based on Greek mythology and a tragic play by Socrates. The briefest explanation – when a young seeks the love of his mother – but from another woman. Maybe he looks up to you. Maybe he appreciates your ability to nurture and the wisdom that only time can bring. Not so terrible really. It’s actually flattering to have someone look up to you. One of the best ways to learn life’s lessons is through a mentor and as you play the expert, you can enjoy the companionship of a younger man.
 
For Experience
Let’s say you are a younger man who hasn’t had a lot of women. But you would like the short course and a teacher could really help. Bingo! Some younger men date older women simply to gain experience. What a service you are doing for the younger women who he’ll come in contact in his lifetime.
 
Many people enjoy the teacher/student relationship. Just keep it out of the real classroom and you’ll be safe for some fun (at least legally!) Plus, this type of relationship gives you a chance to be in charge which for some is really a kick. Why not show someone younger the ropes of romantic relationship and have fun through all the learning.
 
For Love
Last, but not least, is LOVE. Some younger men can’t help who they fall for. He saw you, was struck by your beauty and charm, and just fell head over heels. It happens. Really it does. Ask Aston Kutcher and Demi Moore, Katie Couric and Brooke Perlin, and so many others. It’s all the rage in Hollywood and for good reason. Because this May-December romance thing which was previously frowned upon and poo-pooed, has now become acceptable. Chemistry is something that cannot easily be explained. In addition, I say, let’s here it for those younger men who have the good sense to fall for an older woman! You have excellent taste.
 
Stop fretting about what this younger guy sees in you and enjoy the attention. You deserve every flattering, delicious moment, so sit back, count your blessings and go for it!

 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

8 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: 7 Reasons Why Younger Men Date Older Women – the Rest of the Story”

  1. Thank you for the well written article. I totally agree, when I was younger I almost always dated older women. It was simply that older women were more responsible with their time, money, careers, and relationships than girls my own age. There is a certain poise that comes with age that I found and still find very attractive. Times are changing, and as you can see by this opinion: http://opscotch.com/opinion/detail/its-ok-for-guys-to-date-women-10-years-older-than-them , most people are agreeing that a guy dating an older women (even more than 10 years older) isn’t something to be embarrassed about in the least.

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  2. I know its hard when this kind of thing happens. It happened to me too in my youth where my best friend and I liked the same guy and he picked her. It was very hurtful. Sometimes the only thing you can do is move on. It’s better to look for a new love than pine over one that got away. If you want love in your life, I recommend that you start fresh by finding a new man who will appreciate and love you .

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  3. I like a guy, and he likes a girl who is my best friend. The girl who is my best friend likes this guy too. The guy asked me for some girl tips. Then the guy said that he loved the girl. The girl loved the guy. Then I had feelings for that guy. What should I do?

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  4. I was with a guy for four years and on our 3 year anniveristy he proposed to me. We are young. I am 20 now but I was only 18 then I think and he was 19 but anyways we were great together. I thought for sure we would last forever. The begaining of this month it was one of his friends 21 birthday and I wanted to go. I really liked this friend and he always said I never wanted to hang out with him and his friends so what a great chance to. I had to work till about 830 that night, but its a 21 birthday and a friday night so I mean they are going to be out late. I asked him if he would wait on me he kinda got mad over it but gave in. I texted him on my 5 min break and asked him what he was doing and he said he was hanging out with his college friends and when I asked where they were hangong out at he saud by the school. I didnt think anything of it. I was mad tho because he didnt wait on me. He texted around when I was getting off work and asked me if I was off yet. I didnt answer. I felt he didnt want me around anyways. I text him around 11 and said I have been off work for awhile and told him I kust felt he didnt want me around. He rplyed and said he was being an asshole and he was sorry. I didnt understand why he called him self that cuz he never talked like that really. I just thought he had some drinks in him.
    He normally calls me every night but he didnt call me that night. I just thought he passed ot drunk or whatever I wasnt going to bother him. The next day I had to be at work at 9 and he normally goes to work at 8 on saturday and always calls me then also but I didnt have a miss call. I texted him and asked him if he got too drunk to go to work. He replyed around noon and said no I didnt drink last night just didnt feel like going to work. (his weekend job he can come and go as he please just as long as the work gets done) he then went on to say that this job stresses him out and he thinks hes going to give the job up so he can have his weekends to do whatever. I said why do you need saturday to do whatever and he said I just want to chill. I didnt understand I work a full time job go to school full time and have a part time job and I still do whatever. He told me I would get sick of it and I will want to give up a job. We were getting along alright he wanted me to come to his house but I couldnt because I had to go to my other job and work that night. I got off at 7 that night and told him I could come over then he said that would be great. I told him I would call him when I got off work to drive to my other job and he said ok.
    I called him and he was being weird and he said I wish you would give me time to myself and I said ok? why? he said I just need time and I said ok I wont come to your house then after work and he said no you can I said no its ok. I mean he wants time for something so why would I go there?
    I got off work and he was texting me again and saying he just doesnt know if we are right for each other. UMM how do you not? We have been together for four years and one of those years we were engaged and you dont know if we are right for each other? So Im mad and upset and pissed. I went and cied to my boss at the job I worked at that morning. She is like my work mom. I tell her all my problems and she tells me hers.
    After I got done talking to her I went home and got on facebook and when I logged on he was on there which was odd because he never get on facebook like once every month. He sent me a msg that said hey I said hi and he was talking to me asking me what I was doing I said the same thing you are. He countiune to msg me and then something made me mad and I said what you have another girl in your life and he would not answer me at all I sent it to him like 3 times. I called him up and asked him and he said well, shes nice to me and I said what Im not? and he said yea you are and I said well tell me what is it and he said well she listens to me and I said what I dont do that either? He said no you do. I said sounds to me your making up things. We got into a big argument and then I got off the phone. We had plans to hang out Sunday the next day. I wasnt going to go, but I really wanted to work things out. I got off work at 2 and went right over to his house and we had planed to go fishing and have a picnic. We went and got things for a picnic abd went out to this privite place that his family goes to. Its out in the middle of no where and its really nice. We had a good time we talked about things. We were out there till it the sun was going down. We packed up all the things and went back to his house and I helped him put all the things away and I stayed and talked for awhile and then I wen to leave. He got in my car and we were talking for awhile and he said something and it made me mad and I said you probably wasnt with with your college people. I said it was probably more like a college girl wasnt you? He would answer me. I took off my 3 things that he has gotten me over the years and handed them to him and said these dont mean shit to me anymore. He took them and I said I know you wasnt by the college where were you and he wouldnt answer me. I said get the fuck out of my car he said no talk to me I said I have nothing to say to you now get out. He then said he went to the movies with the girl but he left in the middle of it because he didnt feel right. Well I dont know if thats true or not but thats what his friends told me also. He said I went to the movies to talk. REALLY? you go to the movies now day to talk? I then later found out who this girl was. She was a teacher at his college. She was 33 years old and has 2 kids. WOW what should I think about that? He is 21 and he left me for that? wow I mean im crushed bit not much I can do. 4 years down the drain. He then moved out of his house cuz his parents found out and his dad went crazy on him and he packed all his things and left. He now lives with one of his friends that isnt that great and all he does is party, so I guess hes going to turn into that since his friend does that. I dont know whats wrong with him. Any thoughts?

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    • Hi Brittany, It’s very hard to figure out what motivates other people or your boyfriend in this situation. What I can say – it’s better to find out now what your boyfriend is made of than years down the road. While you did “put time” into the relationship, you are still young with plenty of time to find a new man. I’m hoping you’ll find one who is better fit, more mature in how he handles relationship issues and who is ready for the kind of commitment you want.

      Breaking up is never fun. But you can learn and grow from this ending. Think back to take note of what worked well in your relationship and what could be better. How did your boyfriend handle other fights? Then when you meet new guys, pay attention to how they handle things with you, their friends, parents and anyone else. Tell tale signs wil often crop up so pay attention to any red flags.

      Love is out there for you. After you do some healing from this breakup, go back out there to find the love you want and deserve. Being 20 is a great time of life with tons of great guys to choose fun, so flirt and have fun!

      Wishing you love,
      Ronnie

  5. HI! FIRST OF ALL I HAVE BEEN IN A EIGHT YEARS RELATIONSHIP WITH A MEXICAN YOUNG MAN WHO IS 36YRS. OLD . I AM 53YRS. OLD. I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE DUE TO AGE AND I STILL DO AT TIMES. IT IS COMMON FOR THE WOMEN TO CONSIDER THE AGE DIFFERENCES AS TIME GOES BY. HOWVEVER IF YOU AND YOUR YOUNG MAN IS COMFORTABLE WITH ONE ANOTHER THAN JUST LET NATURE TAKES IT COURSE. I BELIEVE YOUR YOUNG MAN WILL CONFIDE IN YOU WHAT HE WANTS. ENJOY ONE ANOTHER LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

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  6. What do you say about a 29 year old man dting a 69 year old woman. The man is Mexican and well educated and very mature. The woman is the same and very good looking and looks much younger than her years. They are very compatible but have kept this relationship to themselves as most people and family members would frown on it. The woman wants to end it after 7 years because she feels the younger man shoukld be dating women his age now that he is entering the span between 30-40 which should be the best time for his for his career etc. What do you think?

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    • Who am I to say if this is right or wrong? If they are happy, that’s a good thing. I can see why the families might question this relationship – they it’s not their decision either. I would advise the woman to bring up the topic with the young man to ask if she is keeping him from something else. If not, stop worrying about what others think, let him make his own decision and enjoy!

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