Dating Over 40: Diary of a Mid-Life Dater – Open Your Heart to Love

Here’s the latest installment of our mid-life dater series, Shellie’s adventure in finding love. To recap where we are, Shellie has been seeing Mitch for close to 8 weeks. She’s been enjoying the slow build, getting to know and appreciate Mitch which is contrary to her usual jump-in with both feet approach.

Shellie tends to go for the charmers which has a way of not working out well. But not this time. And me, the dating coach, is very excited because a new type is often the key to a long and satisfying relationship.

So, the update

Shellie is starting to get cold feet. In our last conversation, she shared her increasing concerns about this guy who doesn’t fit her ideal picture of the right man. The last man she dated was far more sophisticated, refined and …aloof. White collar versus blue collar.

We’ve spent time talking about these differences and what they really mean to her. To her credit, Shellie says that she can see how intelligent Mitch is without his having been to college. He reads a lot of news, is into learning about investing and managing his retirement account. She likes that.

On the other hand, Mitch doesn’t always pronounce words correctly and sometimes talks too loudly. Places where he doesn’t fit the picture. He’s not that refined. Yet he’ll say yes to almost anything she wants to do, and let me tell you, Shellie isn’t totally mainstream. She may want to go to a costume party (not on Halloween) or to a spiritual dance and chant. Mitch goes along with most of it. Sounds good to me.

Shellie admits that she can already tell he’s the kind of good-hearted guy who would do anything for her. Isn’t that what she wants? She also realizes she might be making excuses and pushing this man away with her internal criticism ,as the real thing might be closer than she thought possible. Hmmm. taht gives pause for some thought. Pretty good insight.

By chance I actually ran into them this weekend and the minute I met Mitch, I could tell he has "the one" potential. Who knows, that gut reaction is no guarantee. But I really encouraged Shellie to please open her heart to this man. She’s attracted to him, he treats her well, they get along, laugh together, and enjoy each other. And he tells her he’d like this relationship to last a long time.

Can she get past the perfection of her ideal image, to be real?  Can she open her heart to great guy when she sees one? I sure hope so. I’ll keep you posted.

Read previous posts here and here about Shellie’s mid-life dating adventure.

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