Dating Over 40: Diary of a mid-Life Dater – When the New Man Shows Up

How exciting! One of my clients has just connected with a new man with real potential. Honestly, we are both thrilled. And she has allowed me to share her story with you in this new series of posts- Diary of a Mid-Life Dater.

Shellie has been divorced for 15 years. Her marriage ended when she was still quite young so she is just 48. I’ve been working with Shellie on and off for nearly four years and the changes have been remarkable.

The Background
When I first met Shellie, she was really wanting to date and longing for love. She told me about the many things she had done to find love and was fairly disappointed with her results. Being spiritually-minded, Shellie had tried almost everything in the book to attract love into her life, including:

  • Candle Lighting
  • Body Work
  • Affirmations
  • Prayer
  • Visualization, etc.

You get the idea. Interestingly enough, Shellie had missed one very important step in the self-help arena. While these are all wonderful MANifesting techniques (many of which I share in my book MANifesting Mr. Right, Chapter 7), she had done nothing to actually go out and meet men. This may seem obvious, but I can’t tell you how many times clients tell me this sort of thing.

Shellie actually looked at me with great surprise as I suggested she should come up with her own Dating Action Plan. What ways would she like to try to cross paths with single men? We worked on this together. And within the past few years she has had two long-term relationships. Even though neither worked out, she was still glad for everything that had transpired and what she learned from both men.

Shellie’s Type
Most women, not all, have a type of guy to which they are most attracted. No exception, Shellie admits that she prefers confident, charming men who know how to take charge. Unfortunately, these men also tend to be womanizers. That is who she attracts, even though she doesn’t want to be with such a man. But similar personality flaws are part of the package deal when you have a type.

However, in the last six months, there has been a new and very noticeable shift in Shellie. She’s been enjoying her life more. She’s been dressing more femininely. She’s been a lot more friendly. And she’s been meeting new guys every where she goes.

So many times women write to me asking where they can find elligible single men of means – as if there is a certain place they all hang out and only a few special people know the location. (As if I’d be one of those people?) Sorry, but this is just not true. And what Shellie demonstrates so beautifully is that it doesn’t matter all that much where you go. What matters is WHO ARE YOU WHEN YOU MEET THE MEN?   

How She Met the New Man
A few weekends ago, Shellie went with a bunch of friends to a singles dance. She was her usual self – dancing and having a great time. On one trip back from the ladies room, her eyes locked with Mitch’s. She said they just looked at each other and started talking like everything was as it should be. Shellie and Mitch danced the rest of the night together. Then he asked for her number.

Mitch called Shellie the next day and asked her out for the following weekend. They chatted a bit during the week, but not too much. Their first date was to a local concert. Shellie was, shall we say, very excited. Mitch is definitely one of the good guys in her mind and she really enjoyed the date and his company. Plus, he was a really good kisser, always a bonus for Shellie. They proceeded to have two more dates the next weekend.

Dinner at Mitch’s
Then the first potential hiccup happened. Mitch invited Shellie over for dinner. With her antennae up, Shellie was concerned because we had talked many times about not going to someone’s house until you feel ready for intimacy. This strategy helps avoid those "I just couldn’t help it " scenarios that crop up from time to time. She decided she wanted to go any way and planned her quick exit in case it was needed. Not needed though, Mitch was a total gentleman.

Mitch is Different
After Mitch cooked Shellie dinner, she reported in to me about the date. Everything went well and she had a very nice time, again. Then, Shellie spoke the magic words (they’re magic from a dating coach’s perspective) "He’s different than the other guys I tend to date." Eureka!!!

When a client tells me the person they are seeing is different from the usual suspects, I get cautiously excited. Because one thing I know for sure – when you get past your type and stretch your comfort zone to consider a new personality, you are so much more likely to find a good match!  

We’re wait for the next piece of news to see how things are going, but personally I’m feeling rather optimistic. More to follow…

 

 

 

 

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