I have a dating dilemma that I could use your help with. I attended a speed-dating evening in August. When I received the “match” results, to my delight – the fellow I was MOST interested in had expressed interest in me! A few days later, I received a very nice e-mail from him asking if I’d “like to continue the conversation” I said yes, gave him my number and mentioned I’d be away on vacation the next week (which was last week.) He said he’d try to reach me at the end of that week.
Well, SURPRISE I haven’t heard from him and now almost another week has gone by. I’m not sure what I should do. Should I wait to see if he contacts me? Should I assume “he’s just not that into me?” Should I drop him a brief, but friendly e-mail saying that I’m back from vacation and just wondering if he’d still like to get together?
One of my girlfriends said I should just be patient and wait. He does have 3 young kids and things may be really busy since school just started. Two other friends thought I should go ahead and e-mail before he forgets what I look like and because “life is short” What would you advise in this situation?
–Lady in waiting
Dear Lady in Waiting,
Normally I prefer to have men do the reaching out. And he did that one time, but then hasn’t followed through. Who knows why – his reasons probably have nothing to do with you.
The Situation Analysis
For all we know one of his kids got sick, he met someone else, or he’s working on getting his corporate taxes done – they’re due soon. It’s anyone guess. I do feel that this is a sign – because you want a man who can follow through – who seeks you out and wants to date you. On the other hand, people do get busy and then after not calling, sometimes a guy feels too embarrassed to reconnect. Maybe he lost your number – oh no, sounds like we’re making excuses for him now – that’s not good.
This fits the “What the heck?” category. You liked him and hate to let this go. I understand. What the heck? Send him an email. Go for it! The last thing you want is to wish you had just sent him an email. Not a regret worth creating.
So go ahead. Send him a friendly email. You can either just say “Hi, how are you? I’m back from vacation.” Or if you can handle the possible rejection, suggest getting together to do one of the activities you have in common, without picking a specific time – just ask about over the next week. There’s really no big downside to doing this.
The Fine Print
What I encourage women to AVOID is making the first move more than once because it will become a habit and ultimately you could waste a lot of time and heart on a guy who’s just curious or flattered by your pursuit, but not that interested.
Sending a friendly nudge is not a bad thing to do, so do it right now after reading this. Then move on to think about something or someone else. It’s a big world out there and there are plenty of fish. Don’t get stuck on one lone sole when there’s a whole school swimming by.
Lots of Love from the Dating Coach