Tag Archives: understanding men

Why Do Men Pull Away and What Can I Do?

You want to know why do men pull away? Get empowering insights about understanding men, why he disappeared and what you can do in this Q&A post.

Why Do Men Pull AwayWhy Men Pull Away After Getting Close

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

A man whom I’ve known for 25 years helped me with a work project and I fell for him. We went to lunch and had coffee many times over the past few months (he always paid). Went to a movie and also had dinner a few times.

He told me he liked me and I said the same about him. I see how he looks at me with desire. He even told me I have this sexiness about me! But now he says he’s been alone for too long to get involved again. Then in the next breath he asks me out to see a movie.

Right now he seems to be a ghost in terms of spending time together. So how come, if he sees me, he always stops to chat? What the heck is going on?

We have so much in common and he agrees with that. There is this chemistry we have when we see each other but maybe it’s just not enough. I’m so attracted to him and when we see each other it’s not like we stand 10 feet apart.

I guess it’s not the right timing for him, but I can’t stop thinking about him. What can I do?

Thanks for your advice in advance,
Casandra”
Hi Casandra,

I feel your pain and I know how hard this is for you. So many women ask me, “Why do men pull away?” When a man sends mixed signals like this it’s terribly tormenting. But I’m going to be straight with you so you know the truth.

Why Do Men Pull Away? There Are Many Reasons!

  • He may have been hurt in the past and never recovered
  • He may have other priorities besides dating and love
  • He might not want the responsibility of a relationship
  • He might not be emotionally available due to childhood issues
  • He might realize he can’t give you what you want

Why men pull away when things get serious causes emotional distress for women all over the world. There are countless reasons for why he disappeared or put distance between you. It’s a gigantic red flag because it points to his inner conflicts that are keeping him single. And he is the only one who can resolve them.

Nothing you do can shift his inner conflict for him.

 

In this case, there is another problem getting in the way of you connecting.

He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

When a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship by saying something like, “It’s been too long,” there is absolutely nothing you can do. Any time a man says something to push you away, believe him. Take him for his word when he says:

  • “He’s not looking for a relationship”
  • “He doesn’t want to get serious”
  • “He doesn’t want a relationship but is happy to see what happen as he gets to know you.”

What all of these lines have in common is what MEN DO NOT WANT – which is a serious relationship. Even if he’s willing to get to know you to see where things go, that’s just a DISTRACTION from the first part of the sentence which was HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

See, a man has to want the same thing you want for things to work out. In other words, you both need to have the same agenda. Or at least he can’t be ruling out the relationship agenda.

THIS IS A MAJOR PIECE OF COMPATIBILITY that most WOMEN IGNORE. We do this because we think his obvious interest is enough. Unfortunately…

Attraction, attention and chemistry are NOT ENOUGH to build a lasting relationship.

A man has to WANT a RELATIONSHIP or not be opposed to getting seriously involved for things to work out in the long run. If his desire is not present, then all the flirting, butterflies, and interest will not shift into the romance you want or lasting love.

Should You Wait Hoping He’ll Come Around?

If you decide to hold out hope for this guy, here is what’s going to happen. First you won’t notice other men who are interested because you’ll be wrapped up with this guy. Your heart will not remain open to men who do want a relationship. So you’ll miss out on other prospects. And ultimately staying attached to this guy will keep you stuck in desire for him and …single too.

What Can You Do?

The best thing you can do is steer clear of him for long enough so you can detach. Let your feelings die down. Out-of-sight really can help a lot to get him out of your head and heart. The last thing you want to do is think you are a victim of your feelings and you cannot help it. This is a powerless stance and definitely, 100% NOT TRUE.

It might not be easy but you can let go and move. Especially if you want to find real, lasting love. Hankering after Mr. ItsBeenTooLong will make you miserable and keep you single. Don’t do it. Here are some empowering suggestions to help you let go:

  • Go on vacation
  • Visit a friend for a long weekend
  • Learn positive self talk like, “You deserve a relationship ready man”
  • Start interacting and flirting with other men
  • Start a new project or take a new class
  • Volunteer and do charity work
  • Post a profile online and meet new men

Once you manage to detach and the longing subsides, then you can be friends if you want. I don’t recommend this but with enough time it can be possible.

So Cassandra, that sums up my answer to why do men pull away, Most importantly, they are not relationship ready and the minute you figure this out about any man, the very best thing you can do is move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea and men who would be more compatible partners.

Wishing you love,

why do men pull away

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Understanding Men: We Text and Talk, But Don’t Go on Dates

When it comes to understanding men, why you text and talk, but don’t go on dates,create a “no Excuses” policy. I explain everything in this post.

understanding men“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I have been talking to a guy I met online for three months now. We Just met a week ago in person. He does call and text me all the time but we have never been out on a date. He hasn’t called me for 2 days now and has sent no text.Please tell me what to do. He made a statement to me on our last phone call saying, “You are very naive sometimes.” What is he telling me? Please help me with understanding men. I really like this man.

Thanks,
Frustrated in Florida”

 

Dear Frustrated,

I know you are confused because you are emotionally invested in this man. You have spent three months talking on the phone and texting with him, so you feel you have developed a deep connection. And from that place you have assumed that he must want what you want – a close, loving relationship.

The trouble is, YOU’RE NOT in a REAL RELATIONSHIP. You cannot be in a relationship with a man if you don’t go on dates. I know this is hard to hear or even think about, but IT’S THE SIMPLE TRUTH.

Perils of the Virtual Relationship

Instead, you have gotten pulled into in a virtual relationship with a man who took three months to finally meet you. (Why don’t you consider that a date?) My blog is filled with questions from hundreds of women with this same problem about understanding men. They have fallen for a man who won’t make time to see them.

3 Reasons Why You Don’t Go On Dates

1.He could be married or already in a relationship. He has time to talk to you and text, but he can’t SEE you on dates. That’s too risky for his current relationship. Probably after you asked him for weeks (or longer), he squeezed in a meeting with you. That doesn’t mean he wants a real relationship or that he loves you.

2. Maybe he wants everything on his terms. To talk and text when he feels like it. He doesn’t want to invest his time in getting together or creating a situation where you have bigger expectations. He doesn’t have time or money to spend going out to dinner or taking weekend trips. Or he’s not interested in physical contact.

3. Some men are emotionally manipulative and controlling. Occasionally a man gets pleasure from being adored and wanted by you, while he dangles love over your head. He enjoys watching a woman suffer as she falls in love, but can’t have him. This mean-spirited scenario is rare but does happen.

Texting and Talking Aren’t Signs of Love

It’s so easy to feel confused when you accept texting and talking on the phone as signs of his genuine interest and feelings for you. But this is not enough to indicate love. When it comes to understanding men in relationships, recognize that he may need your emotional support or want to boost his ego.

But texting and talking are a small part of a loving relationship. Spending time together is a bigger component which is missing from your scenario.

The Plain and Simple Truth about Understanding Men

If he wanted to date you and
build a genuine relationship,
he would find the time.
That’s what quality men do
.

No matter how busy or shy or whatever other excuse he may have, any man who wants love will do what it takes. This is fundamental to understanding men.

Sadly, you have opened your heart to a man who doesn’t want what you hope for – his love and commitment. So naturally you are confused. You wonder why he calls and texts if he doesn’t like you and want more? He likes you enough to do those things – but that is not enough for you.

I realize it’s hard to not know, but you may never know the reason. The fact is, it doesn’t even matter.

What DOES MATTER is that he is not willing to go on weekly dates and build a relationship face-to-face. This automatically disqualifies him as being the right man for you.

While you like parts of his personality that he shares via text and phone, HE DOESN’T WANT TO GO ON DATES and that is a huge part of who he is. Can you see that?

For this particular guy or any man, you can’t do anything to make him date you or want a relationship. Anyone who tells you differently is not being honest or realistic.

How to Qualify the Men You Date

What you can do is GET BETTER AT QUALIFYING THE MEN YOU DATE so you don’t get into this kind of virtual relationship again. This is for women who to date men with the goal of finding a lasting, committed relationship.

It takes a bit of self discipline, but if a man cannot meet you on a real date within 7 days, MOVE ON. I don’t care what his reasons are. He’s busy with work, he’s traveling for business or vacation, his kids are sick, his ex wife is taking him to court, he has to paint his house, etc.

These are all EXCUSES and a man’s way of letting you know that he’s not into you enough to make time to meet you. Or he’s not ready and available to date.

Establish a “No Excuses” Policy for Yourself

Don’t share this policy with men. Just stop texting and communicating with any man who can’t meet you within 7-10 days at the most. Don’t except a man’s excuses thinking you are being flexible. When it comes to decoding men and understanding how men think, it’s best to focus on what works for you instead. Excuses don’t work. Move on to men who are ready to meet you.

The next qualifying hurdle is that you want to date men who will go on dates at least once a week. Yes, there are occasions when someone has go out of town, but if a man is always out of town, that alone makes him unavailable due to his lifestyle.

The Bottom Line about Your Man

My best dating advice for understanding men is to realize this man is NOT into you. He’s told you he thinks you are naive because he knows the game he’s playing. The good news is NOW YOU DO TOO.

Don’t continue to play hoping things will change. HE WON’T CHANGE. Move on to find a better man who wants the loving relationship you want and demonstrates that by making time to see you.

Wishing you love,

understanding men

 

Understanding Men: I Want to See Him More Often

Understanding Men

Understanding Men – How Can I Get on his Calendar?

Here’s a tip about understanding men. If you want to see more of a guy who dates you occasionally, first think about what his sporadic dates tell you about him.

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I’m a career focused 40 year old woman who has never married and has no kids. I’m dating a man who is 50 with the same deal. We were set up by family & friends. So far, we’ve had three great dates in 3 months. We  have not slept together yet. Work and travel have definitely gotten in our way. His life is his job, my life is career too, but not as extreme as it is for him.

Problem is, he does not call or email me when he travels which makes for long gaps between contact and dates. I want to get to know him better, to speak to him more and see him more often. How do I bring that up without seeming desperate and/or needy? We have not slept together. Please help! I need your advice!

Wanting More in Westover”

Dear Wanting More,

You like this man, want to get to know him better and hope this relationship goes deeper. So far you’ve seen him three times, but just once a month and he doesn’t contact you in between. What does that tell you about him?

Understanding Men – Learn to Read a Man’s Actions

If you take a step back and look at this objectively, not from what you want but from what is happening, you will get a clear picture. This is a man who is content seeing you infrequently and doesn’t desire contact in between. Ultimately, he enjoys your company, but he’s not craving more. He’s not curious about how you’re doing and he’s not trying to win you over.

The truth is he doesn’t want more from you. If he did, he would take action to talk to you and see you more. He’s perfectly happy with how things are. No expectations, no demands, no strings attached. He gets to come and go and you have no options to change this.

I know this is hard to hear but HE HAS TO WANT MORE and unfortunately, you can’t MAKE him want more. He is not looking for a relationship or he would step things up. He likes things just the way they are or he would do something to change that.

Can I Do Anything to Change the Pace?

The one thing you can do is encourage him. Next time you see him,  tell him how much you enjoy his company or sense of humor.  Say you feel relaxed and comfortable around him. Let him know you appreciate  the restaurant he chose or whatever place he took you too. Don’t over do it – a couple of compliments  will be enough if his has any chance of getting him to see you more frequently.

When it comes to understanding men, they choose women who make them feel good. When you tell him you like spending time with him and compliment his choices or sense of humor, he’ll feel appreciated which reflects well on you.

But the fact is this is a man who is 50, never married, and travels a lot for work. If that didn’t please him, he’d have changed it long ago. Truth is he’s probably happy alone. He could enjoy a woman’s company like yours from time to time, but not want anything serious.

I’ve done a lot of work on understanding men and one thing I know for sure: Regardless of how busy a man is, if he’s interested in you and wants to see you, he will FIND THE TIME. A man will move hell and high water (as the old saying goes) to be with a woman who captivates him.

My Advice for Understanding Men

So my advice is to move on and look for a man who has more time in his calendar for you and for love. This man is not likely to change his ways for you and you’ll do nothing but waste your precious time waiting for him to become the man you want.

Wishing you love,

understanding men

 

Photo Credit: Digital Vlilkki

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Can’t Find Love? Maybe You’re Too Clingy or Needy?

find loveCan’t find love and dating seems too hard? Try to avoid appearing clingy or needy – these are two big turnoffs for men! Learn how to curb these tendencies. You’ll find examples of these behaviors and how to turn things around in this post.

Signs You’re Too Clingy or Needy

You may not recognize the signs because this is about how you interact with men. Most men want a woman who is confident, self sufficient and has an enjoyable life as is. You are open to a man in your life and would like to find a good partner. Having a mate would add another dimension to your life, but you don’t NEED a man to survive.

On the other hand, if you act clingy or needy, you are telegraphing your insecurity the minute you get interested in a man. This can look differently for everyone. You may need a lot of attention and reassurance so you want your him to call and see you often, give you compliments or plan dates far in advance. And you’ll want this before it’s appropriate to even expect it.

Here’s how you know you are too clingy or needy during the first 1 – 4 dates:

1) You freak out if his interest cools after a coffee date or even a couple of dates

  • You wear out your girlfriends asking them about what your man said and did, going over every detail
  • You look for meaning and what might have gone right or wrong based on every little nuance
  • You spend more than 50% of any day obsessively thinking about the new guy

2)  You initiate contact to see what’s happening

  • You call him because you haven’t heard from him
  • You text him to say thank you after every date
  • You feel compelled to stay in touch regularly
  • You share life details on a daily basis

To a man, this behavior is invasive. You are invading his personal space without being invited. This is a red flag to men that you are high maintenance woman and demanding. That’s not something you want him to think about you.

   3) You share your feelings too quickly

  • You can’t hold back and tell him that you like him soon after meeting
  • You express anger that he didn’t call or follow through on a promise
  • You give him too many compliments or do nice things beyond normal
  • You want to know how he feels about the relationship

Most men aren’t big on sharing feelings even in a long-term relationship, so early on in dating this freaks guys out and makes them bolt.

   4) You drop plans when he asks you out

  • Plans with others are expendable
  • You cancel on your girlfriends whenever he calls

  5) You try to take the lead because he’s not stepping up

  • You call to ask him out since you haven’t heard from him
  • You say you hope to see him again to close the deal at the end of the date which is a man’s job
  • You buy tickets to an event so you can ask him out
  • You go someplace you know he’ll be to “bump” into him “accidentally”

Why Clingy and Needy Women Can’t Find Love

You may think that dating has changed and things are different. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. Men are biologically still hunters. That means the chase is still a part of courtship, harkening back to when men were hunters. Easy prey offers little excitement because there is is no thrill of the hunt and no conquest. If you think this is ridiculous, chauvinistic and archaic, you are very wrong. (OK, maybe it is chauvinistic, but it is what it is.)

So, when you demonstrate that you are clingy or needy, a man gets turned off quickly. His deep need to “win you over” is negated when that challenge is removed from the process. That’s one of the biggest reasons men pull away or disappear.

Use the Ballroom Dancing Analogy to Find Love

Think of dating like Ballroom Dancing. He steps forward and you follow his lead. You take a step forward and he backs away. Get it? This simple analogy can save you from taking the wrong action. If you ever have a question about what to do next, just ask yourself, “How would I handle this in ballroom dancing?” The answer is always to FOLLOW HIS LEAD so you can be a great dance partner. Follow this idea to find love.

Clingy/needy women don’t wait to see what a man will do or follow his lead. They have no patience, don’t understand how dating works and can’t hold off to see what will happen. They jump to get the ball rolling or start to question him about his intentions before he’s even decided how much he wants to date you. To a man, this behavior is highly unappealing and intolerable.

Most Women Get to “Relationship” First

It’s natural that women see relationship potential before most men do. This is just the way things are. Men require more time to know they want a relationship with you. Which is why a woman MUST HAVE PATIENCE. No one likes to be rushed, especially men about relationships.

Building confidence and self assurance are essential to find love. It will take time before you get a clear message from a new guy. Until he feels certain you are the one, he will keep his feelings to himself. His actions however, give you a peak under the tent about his intentions. Consistent calls/emails and frequent dates over six to eight weeks demonstrate where he could be headed which is into a relationship with you.

To find love, be patient and give a man the space to decide for himself how much he wants to be with you. Avoid anything that even remotely resembles clinginess or neediness. To appeal most to men, boost your confidence and self assuredness – two qualities that are highly attractive and desirable about single women of any age.

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Understanding Men: Suddenly He’s Too Busy to See Me?

Need help understanding men? This post answers a question from a reader about men and explains what is happening when a guy tells you, “I’m so busy.”

understanding men“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I need your help. We’ve been dating for almost a month. He’s been attentive, making dates, really into me and then suddenly –a week before Valentine’s Day– he didn’t make time to see me. At the end of every date or time together he has followed up quickly… and now nothing. No texts for 3 days.

So I sent him a text advising him of my first day off in 4 weeks. He quizzed me about the day asking when I’m free and what work I’m doing now. Then nothing until LATE last night, he sent a weird message about how he’s been so busy and “did you have a fantastic day?” What is that about? I’m so OVER this dating bullsh*t.

I really like this guy and i thought he really liked me, you know? But not talking to me at all for 3 days and then quizzing me instead of having a heart-felt conversation (like we’ve had numerous times up until now) doesn’t cut it.

I’m sure Valentine’s Day is playing a part in freaking him out. I don’t care too much about Valentine’s Day – I just enjoy spending time together. I feel he’s losing interest in me. I want to ignore him right now because I’m so angry. 🙁 I don’t know what to do. Please give me some of your dating advice.

Thanks,
No Texts in Texas”

 

Dear No Texts,

I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s so hard when dating seems to be going well and then BOOM, it fizzles out. And you have no idea what went wrong. Of course this is certainly not uncommon – pretty much standard dating nonsense.

Is he freaked out by Valentine’s Day? Maybe. But if he were as into you as he was acting, why would he risk turning you off?  I’m going to guess something else is going on. When a man tells you he’s been so busy, that’s the biggest RED FLAG. He was so into and now he’s suddenly busy? I don’t think so.

I hate to break this to you, but “I’m so busy” is ManSpeak or code to cover a bunch of circumstances. Let me help you with understanding men and explain what those words could mean:

  • I’m not that into you any more
  • I met someone else
  • I don’t have time for you
  • Dating is not my priority right now
  • I’m done, but want to keep you hanging

He could also be pulling away like so many men do when things are going well and it occurs to them that a relationship is starting. That’s another reason why a guy might scamper off and become too busy. They do get scared about commitment and getting caught up in something. Usually this is the sign of an ambivalent man – one who isn’t sure what he wants.

There is no denying that dating is a process. It takes time to observe a man’s behavior in a variety of situations. You are watching for consistency in a man’s actions. This guy started out doing all the right things, but now he’s doing a disappearing act. I realize this kind of thing can take a toll on your heart.

I lived through this myself and it was tough no doubt. But I came up with a way to handle the disappointment and actually guard against it. When I was dating over 40 to find love, I noticed a lot of guys showed up gung ho, then evaporated. I also got sick of this quickly.

Date More Than One Man at a Time

For me, the solution was to date several men at the same time. Any man who pursued me and fit within my idea of a potential mate – I went out with him. This way, if a man was only around for one, two or three dates, I had other contenders in line.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It’s not sleazy – it’s very smart dating strategy!  Especially for online dating – just expect men to be seeing other women until they tell you they want to be exclusive with you. Then you won’t be shocked when you find out you are not the only one.

Understanding Men – Realize Dating is a Glorified Sorting Process

The idea is to realize that dating is not the same as being in a relationship. From the first 4 – 8 dates, you are still in dating mode. Until you know you have a standing date on Saturday night (depending on schedules), you are NOT in a relationship.

Relationships take time to develop. Everything else is just dating where there is no commitment. The purpose of dating is to spend time with someone to evaluate his/her potential as a mate and decide if you want to invest more time getting to know each other.

So, it’s time to let go and  move on. Brush yourself off and start again. It’s not easy, but this is the only way you will find love. And believe me, if you persevere, YOU WILL FIND LOVE. I know because against all kinds of odds, I found an adorable man and we’ve been married now for nearly 15 years. I had no prospects when I started dating at 40, but found 30 guys to date in just 15 months.

Dating is a journey of self discovery. You are learning about yourself – what works and what doesn’t and how to react to keep yourself open to meeting more men. That’s the biggest secret of successful dating – don’t stop until you find the right one.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, understanding men, true love

 

 

PS. Find out if dating coaching is right for you – apply for a free 30-minute Dating Discovery Session by phone or Skype now!

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Understanding Men – STOP Waiting For Him To Call

understanding men

Understanding Men – Should I Call Him?

Do you find yourself waiting for the phone to ring? Waiting for him to call? Let me help you with understanding men and what you can do about it.

There is a lot of dating advice for women on this topic because it’s a tough issue that all single gals have to face. After a great first date and a strong connection, excitement builds. This is especially true at the end of your date, when he asks you for another.

He says he’ll call to set the next date up. So you wait … and wait. The stress builds and for some women turns to anxiety. But he doesn’t call and you feel more than disappointed – you feel devastated! How could he do that to you?

What’s a woman supposed to do? You may feel confused, rejected, or sink into despair. How could he not call when you had such a good time? You could tell he did, too. So, what’s the problem?

Understanding Men – Should I Call Him?

You might think calling him is the answer. Why not right? After all you’re both adults. This is a new era in dating. It’s easy to convince yourself that this is by far the quickest route to ending the tension and waiting.

But as a dating coach for women, I’m not a fan of calling men or initiating contact at the start of dating and here’s why.

  1. How Interested Is He?
    You want to know what a man will do without your prompting because that tells you how interested he truly is. If he can’t even make a call or ask you out, he’s not interested, no matter how great your first date seemed.
  2. You’ll Look Desperate
    When you pick up that phone and contact him, you risk looking desperate. Yes, even today many men will think that when they hear your voice on the other end of the phone. This is a fact when it comes to understanding men.
  3. You’ll Take Over Pursuit
    If you make that one call and it goes well, then you might be tempted to continue on this path. Every time he doesn’t call or ask you out again, you’ll be calling or texting to find out what’s happening and asking to see him again. Now you are chasing him and that never ends well. If you have to chase man, he definitely not that interested. But he may be curious enough to stick around and get lucky.

I know it’s not easy to deal with the angst of not knowing. It can drive you nuts wondering what is going on. Some women start to think he get sick or injured himself. Trust me, he’s perfectly fine but just not calling you.

Learn to Read Between the Lines

This might sound weird, but when a man doesn’t call you, he is still communicating loud and clear. He’s saying, “Sorry honey, I’m not that into you.” Once you catch on to the fact that this IS the message he is sending, now you’re on your way to understanding men.

The good news, you’ll stop waiting by the phone and free yourself up to move on to meet better men! Good men are out there. Don’t waste your Precious time waiting around for some guy to call. I don’t care who he is or how great a time you had or what a great catch he seems to be. He’s not the man for you or HE WOULD HAVE CALLED.

How Long Should You Wait for Him to Call

If you had a great with a man and you don’t hear from him in seven days, allow yourself to let go with grace. When a man is into you, he won’t wait a week. He’ll want to see you again and he’ll move heaven and earth to make that happen. Occasionally there are extenuating circumstances but that is a very rare thing. Don’t assume that applies to you because the odds are very strong he’s just not calling.

Why Did He Say He’d Call?

The hard truth is there are plenty of decent men out there who don’t want to hurt you, but don’t know what else to say. They feel saying, “I’ll call you” because they think this is what is expected. Many think not asking is too hard to get away with.

What Can You Do?

Be smart! Know that when a man says, “I’ll call you,” he most likely won’t. This way you won’t be waiting around or disappointed.  You can go about your business and meet other men. And if he does call, then that is a wonderful surprise!

If a man is genuinely interested, he’ll probably contact you with a few days and ask you out again for the following week. Now that’s a man with potential.

 

For more help with understanding men, schedule a Dating Discovery Session with me and check out my book Is He the One? and learn everything you need to know so you don’t get stuck wasting time.

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Understanding Men: This Is NOT True Love

Understanding men is not always easy.

understanding menBut, in this particular case, it’s more about understanding what this woman’s motivation is for staying with such a crumb of a guy who has so little to offer.

“Dear Ronnie-
I have known this guy for 12+ years. We started becoming closer friends about 6 years ago, then started hanging out and getting closer two years ago. We have been on and off sleeping together and occasionally going out together these past two years.

We text each other nearly every day since day one. We both have had other relationship issues, family, job, and stress issues in our lives. Let’s just say he is rough around the edges as I am myself.

I dated someone else for about 7 months yet still talked to Him. He showed signs of jealousy. For some reason I just can’t shake him. Although he knew I was with someone else I was honest with him about things, I finally told him we couldn’t talk anymore. He thought it was disrespectful.

Tell that relationship blew up and I contacted Him again afterwards. We started being physical,yet I think he was trying to pursue his last girlfriend, who is an older woman, possibly sugar mama, not sure. However I feel like he cannot be single and faithful. I ignore him for a few days and it drives him crazy. He ignores me for a few days and it drives me crazy.

Basically I want to know if he is with this other woman, what is doing with me? I am trying to cut him off se.x.ually for a month and I can tell it’s driving him nuts. See, I don’t want to be the other woman. And he needs to get his life together before I would even be with him. He doesn’t have his own place or car or a job right now. I know that’s hard on a man.

I am doing fairly well for myself and he seems jealous, yet he says he’s proud of me. I just feel like a piece of meat to him yet he “says he cares for me”. Am I wasting my time? Even though he doesn’t say it, when I’m with him I feel like he loves me.

I go on with my normal life and haven’t turned down others for dates, but have not found one I’m attracted to as much as I am attracted to him. I’ve just always felt for some reason he was the One. But he’s so wrapped up in his life style. Do I cut him out of my life completely? Please help me.

Confused in California”

 

Dear Confused,

Sorry to tell you this but your situation is not true love. If anything I would say you are addicted to him and he may be addicted to you as well. How can you imagine he is “The One” when he has no car, no job and no life? He doesn’t ask you out. He sleeps with you, but pursues other women. Is that how you deserve or want to be treated? I hope you answered “No!” when you read this.

Let me help you with understanding men – these are not the behaviors of a man in love.

I’m not sure why he is still with you. That is not my concern. As a dating coach for women,  I only care about why you are still choosing him? Perhaps you are confusing love with intimacy – that does happen more often than you think. Ask yourself if this could be possible.

No man can compare with a man you are addicted to. What other explanation can you have for still sleeping with him besides self-destructive behavior? Holding on to your fantasy that he is “The One” will never allow you to find the man who really is right for you.

There is only one choice here if you desire a healthy, loving relationship. Stop this now. Cut him off. And cut yourself off from contacting him, thinking about him, sleeping with him and wishing for him to be the right a man for you. He is not.

After 2 years of this on again, off again routine, he shows no signs of becoming a genuine partner. He is not capable – as you said – his life is a mess. When it comes to understanding men, you can see he is troubled.

You are correct when you said you know how hard this lack of stability and success can be on a man’s ego. Perhaps being with many women gives his ego the boost he needs. The reason doesn’t really matter. The only thing that matters is this is anything but a healthy, happy, loving relationship.

Free up your heart. Do the healing you need. You may want to seek the help of a good counselor to figure out why you are so drawn to a man offering you so little. Shore up your own self esteem. Then when you are ready, go out to find the lasting, healthy love you deserve.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

 

Understanding Men: Learn How to Attract a Man

 

Need Help Understanding Men?

understanding men, how to attract a manYou are not alone! Read on to discover how to attract a man when you are dating after 40 or dating over 50. These methods may surprise you.

1. Become Aware of the Men Around You

Do you notice men around you? Many of the women who come to me for dating coaching insist there are no single men where they live. They simply don’t SEE them. Okay single gals, it’s time to WAKE UP to all the men around you. Yes, MEN ARE EVERYWHERE even if you don’t notice them.

How can you build your awareness? Set an intention to notice men every morning. If you get very task focused, and realize it – remember part of your awareness today is set for seeing men. They pass by on he sidewalk, stand with you in the elevator, stand in line at the bank, etc.

2. Smile at the Men You See!

I know I say this all the time, but apparently I need to keep saying it. Most women just won’t smile at a man. You are worried that if you acknowledge that a man has spotted you (or you have spotted him) you’ll be starting something you can’t get out of. But that is NOT TRUE. A simple smile is so delightful, but it comes with no promise for anything more.

When you smile at men you can make their day! And, when he feels good and you see that transformation, you’ll feel good too. Your smile is basically nothing more than a bit of friendliness in a rather unfriendly world. Plus, it is a basic form of acknowledgement that most people today don’t get nearly enough of.

3. Shell Out a Few Compliments

When was the last time you gave a man a compliment? Come on now, admit it -it’s been years! If you enjoy a good compliment, how do you think a man will feel after you let him know you approve of something about him? He’ll be beaming And trust me, that WILL REFLECT WELL ON YOU.

Tell him that color looks good on him, notice his watch or his tie. It’s not very personal, but if you want to catch a man’s attention PRAISE WORKS WONDERS.

4. Quit Hiding the Hot Woman You Are

As Austin Powers would say, “Yeah Baby!” Quit throwing on anything old thing to run to the store or do errands. Think about your presentation because remember, men are everywhere. Since that’s true, put some thought into what you look like. This isn’t about plastic surgery or exercising with P90X. The idea is to make the most of who you already are. Do you do that on a regular basis? I doubt it.

Put on something that makes you feel FABULOUS. Chose colors that suit your skin tone and clothing that leverages your assets. If you don’t know what to wear,  ask a friend who has style or loves fashion. This is easy so no excuses.

5. Put Some Effort into Your Man Hunt!

Some how women have gotten sort of, well…lazy about looking for a romantic partner. I know that might offend some of you, but it’s completely true. I am amazed when I ask my clients, “What did you do this month to meet men and find love?”, how little they have to say for themselves.

Nothing in life is easy – haven’t you noticed that? So why should finding love be like a Disney movie? Love is magical, but you’ll need to make an effort, carve time out of your calendar and raise your romantic consciousness. Education is key because as a dating coach for women over 40 I’ve discovered most single gals know very little about how dating works today. Most don’t know much about understanding men either. That’s OK, just start learning what you can. Reading my blog is a great start.

To see where you stand, take the The Love Mindset Quiz. Answer the questions honestly, get your score, then follow the instructions and you’ll be on your way to meeting more men and finding love.

 

Understanding Men: I Want to Meet Him But We Only Talk or Text

 

Need help understanding men?

understanding men, texting him, dating coach, online datingAre you texting and talking to him, but wonder why you can’t seem to meet? This is such a common problem, many women have been in this frustrating situation. My dating advice below will help you clear up the mystery of why he’ll text or call, but not meet you in person.

 

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone since January 2014. At first, we planned on several meetings, but they were canceled (due to his work and mine). I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sharing se.xual conversations. He even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I enjoy texting him. I really want to meet him, He says he wants to meet me too, but he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between him and I should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts are not the proper way, since we have good relation and respect on each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.. Thank you so much..

Hoping to Meet Him”

 

Dear Hoping,

You could use a little help with understanding men. I know you want to be nice, but bottom line, you are NOT in a relationship. Truth is, you share a fantasy and he is wasting your time. Don’t think for a moment your smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you hope to meet him someday. Why does he stay when he knows he’ll never meet you? How is this respectful or honest on his part?

One thing I know for sure, if you decide to talk to him about this, he will argue with you and tell you he has good intentions. He will promise to meet you soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in his game.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to start understanding men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you? Here are a few possibilities:

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t really want to physically “cheat”
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a true relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any strings of attachment or expectations on your part
  • He’s not really emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go 0n, but I’m sure you get the idea right? There isn’t one legitimate or rational idea that comes to mind.

If this man wanted to date you, he would done so by now. Seriously, how much more is there to know? He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and fantasy s.ex.

My best dating advice for you is:

1) Think about yourself first, not him.

Think about how much time you have invested and wasted with this man. More than six months! Think about how you have given your heart away to a man who will not meet you. Think about how you are attached to a man you will never kiss or have dinner with. Acknowledge the manipulation! Then stop texting him and talking to him on the phone. You owe him nothing.

Not all men are like this, but understanding men who are like this will keep you from getting into another fantasy relationship again  Good men are definitely out there waiting to meet a woman like you.

2) Get back online to find real men to date.

Once you start dating others, you will soon forget about the man who dared to waste six months of your life or how you allowed that to happen. Once you go on live dates, you’ll see how limited this situation is and how you deserve so much more. You deserve a real relationship, face-to-face, holding hands, dancing together. You deserve to make love in person with a warm, caring, loving man who is relationship ready and not hiding behind technology.

Please let go and free yourself up to find a real love and a healthy relationship. This one is not only a dead end, but a terrible waste of your love and kindness.

 

 

Should I Text Him? 5 Reasons Why Texting Is a Dead End

Wondering if you should text him? Here’s the skinny on texting; the good, the bad and the ugly truth.

understand men, should I text him, texting relationship

Understand Men and Why They Text

If you are looking for love with online dating, you can easily find yourself in this situation. You want to get past emailing through the site with a guy who looks good “one paper”. So you suggest talking on the phone. Or maybe the guy suggests moving to the phone. You share your number and boom! he starts texting.

At first this is a lot of fun. The back and forth and excitement of not knowing what the next text will say or when he’ll send it. Some people are very clever with their texts. Some share deeply. Some men ply you with compliments and early morning and late evening check-ins. It can be very nice and lure you into feeling like this is going somewhere.

Too bad that’s just not true! Most texting is completely meaningless in terms of a real loving relationship. Worse than that, it is a waste of your time and can keep you hopelessly single, especially if you are in a texting relationship where you don’t get together for dates.

Many women will let a man get away with lame excuses for not going on dates because you keep hoping he’ll come around. After all, it seems he likes you. Why else would  he be texting you for so long, right? Let me share five reasons why texting is a big fat dead end.

1. Some men need emotional support.

Let’s say a man doesn’t have anyone to talk to, but knows he’s missing out on getting the emotional support he needs. Texting is perfect for this. He can share what’s going on with him without looking you in eye. He can build a virtual friendship without spending a dime on you. He knows women love to be helpful and get sucked in thinking these deep conversations are creating a loving bond.

Too bad he’ll never step up to the plate to take you out on a real date. Or if you have been on dates, they are few and far between. Don’t trade your emotional support, which is really a privilege, in the hopes that he’ll come around to love you. In this case all the soul-baring he does is meaningless in terms of ever having a real relationship.

2. Some men can only handle a relationship at a distance.

There are men who want to feel connected to a woman. They want to feel your love and adoration, but can only handle those emotions from a distance. Texting allows them to open up to you, but keep you at a distance. The texting keeps him in contact with you but it’s all hands off. You may ask to see him, but he can work around that.

These men can’t handle anything more and don’t have much to give which is why texting is so perfect. Sharing through typing is actually very limited when you think about it. Don’t fall for this poor excuse of a relationship. You deserve the whole shebang, not just typing out a few tender sentences several times a day.

3. Some men crave female attention (ego boost)

Yes it’s true. Some men have weak egos that need constant stroking. What better way to feel good about himself and the power he has over women then by texting a whole bevvy of beauties? There are men who are in texting relationships with many women at the same time. How hard is it to write something simple twice a day like, “Hi beautiful. Thinking about you this morning. Hope you have a great day.” Then he can follow up at night with something like, “Sweet dreams honey. Thinking about you makes me smile.”

Or the weekend check in which goes something like, “What have you got planned this weekend?” Forget about it though – he’s not asking because he hopes you can fit him into your schedule. He’s just acting interested to keep you on a string. When a man asks this, but doesn’t follow up by asking you out, this is highly manipulative.

4. Some men don’t want any commitment.

Not only does this guy want to avoid a relationship, he doesn’t want any expectations either. And what kind of expectations can you have for a man who doesn’t have time to see you? Not much which is why, once again, texting is ideal. He can fantasize about you and with you. Talk about life and enjoy your  continued interest and attention without giving you a single moment of his time face-to-face.

5. Some men want to cheat without cheating.

This guy wants to avoid feeling guilty about his need for variety. He’s in a relationship or married and feeling the need to roam.  He connects with single women who he knows are lonely and have a deep desire for male attention. He’ll act so very interested in everything about you.

You may even see him once so he can get you really hooked on him. Then a million things happen that keep the two of you apart. He knows that keeping things going makes you want to hang in there so you can see him again some day. But you most likely won’t. Why? Because he’s already in a relationship! He doesn’t want to actually cheat on his woman sexually, so instead he is texting with you. Or maybe se.xting with you. The truth is, he is still cheating even if there is no sex involved, since he’s cheating with you emotionally.

What All Texting  Relationships Have in Common

Over time, your feelings grow for the man you are texting. You think you are building a strong foundation for your relationship. You value his ability to open up and tell you intimate details about his life. You assign meaning to all of this texting, thinking he must really be into you.

Regardless of what is behind a man’s texting, it’s a DEAD END. He’ll never come around, never spend time with you and never have a real relationship with you. Yet, you are allowing him to take up space in your heart. You may feel fulfilled in some way that keeps you from seeking true love. You might feel satisfied or hopeful enough that you don’t bother looking for other men.

Don’t let this happen to you. If you are in a long-term texting relationship, from two weeks to a full year, dumb his sorry ass right now. If you are wondering, “should I text him?” stop right there. Call a girlfriend instead. Read a book. Watch a movie. Exercise or do yoga. Anything but text him one more time!

Stop thinking about what you are going to be losing. You are not losing love because you never had him. You only had the illusion. You have a virtual relationship and are up in your head.

True Love Involves Spending Time Together

A real relationship, one that enriches your life and adds value, is  face-to-face, live and in person. You go on dates. He makes time for you. You share experiences while getting to know each other. You kiss and touch and more. This is a loving relationship and there is no romantic substitute. Please don’t be fooled for another minute.

Texting certainly does not hold a candle to kissing the man of your dreams.

Understanding Men: How Can I Tell If He’s Relationship Ready?

 

Understanding men makes dating after 40 so much easier.

 
understanding men, dating after 40, dating over 50, dating coachAre you dating to find lasting love? If so, you may be struggling to figure out who is ready. One of my clients told me how she has dated several men who don’t reveal things about themselves that she wished she had known sooner. As her dating coach, when I heard this, I realized she needed a better screening method. Here’s what I came up with.

How to Tell If a Man Is Relationship Ready?

There are four different topics to discuss with your date. You want to ask these questions gently and only one at a time. Space them out over a few dates because men hate to be interrogated. That’s why you want to approach this from a conversational standpoint, rather than looking like you are trying to dig up dirt or complete your “boyfriend checklist”.

What’s really interesting is that most men, once you get them started, will tell you all about their life, how they live it and their philosophy. so don’t be afraid to bring up these subjects. To get better at understanding men, make sure you really pay attention to his answers. Most of all, BELIEVE what he tells you. So many dating problems stem from women not believing what a man says. Like when he says he’s not looking for a relationship – BELIEVE IT. He means with you too, not just other women.

1. Ask About His Family. Ask your date about his siblings, his parents and his relationships with both. You can start with, “Tell me about your family,” then move on to ask deeper questions once the conversation starts to flow.

It doesn’t really matter if his parents are still together or had the best marriage. What does matter is how he relates to his family. Do they have good interactions? Does he enjoy their company? Or are there strained or severed relationships and plenty of fighting? This can help you take the emotional “temperature” of his family.

2. Ask About His Friends. Who you spend time with is very telling about your values and views on life. Get him to talk about his friends, what they do together and what he likes about them. You can learn a great deal about a man from his closest friends.

Hopefully you’ll get to meet them some time between the 6th and 10th dates. That’s the timing in most cases. Meeting a man’s buddies will help you see discover what he values and how they treat each other and interact. Notice too how they treat wait staff and how they speak about the women in their lives. Last, but not least, are his friends in solid relationships. If most of his friends are single and on the prowl, that doesn’t bode well for the two of you.

3. Ask About His Job. Regardless of what your date’s job is, how well he handles the ever present ups and downs will give you a peak at how he may handle other life stress. If a man likes his job and is stable in his career, that gives him an edge over other guys. Of course  some of this can change with age as many people tend to become more stable. But not always.

Find out about his relationship with his boss and co-workers. How does he talk about situations that need to be resolved. Another important aspect of his job is if he is a planner. You can ask if he likes it enough to stay there or if he has plans to climbing the corporate ladder.

4. Ask Him If Marriage Is in His Plans. You may balk at this idea so you don’t have to ask if you are against it. But  I did this and learned a ton from a man’s response. I often asked on the very first “get-to-know-you” date. Here’s what I would say, “for me, I want to get married. Not today so don’t worry. So, I’m wondering if you want to marry at some point. I’m not talking about me. I just want to get an idea of marriage is part of your overall plan.”

Now you may not want to marry, for the first time or again if you have already been here done that. That’s totally up to you  of course. I know there are all kinds of relationships and marriage is less and less the objective today, even for women. However, if you are marriage minded, why not ask? You don’t have to ask on the first date like I did. You can ask on the second or third date too.

Keep in mind that while I listened to a man’s response, I paid more attention to his body language and what he DIDN’T say. For example, if he looked away when he spoke, probably not a marriage guy. If he said something about how he hasn’t ruled it out, probably not a top priority. A man who is truly marriage minded will not have a hard time answering this question.

Understanding Men: One Caveat

I must admit, I didn’t ask my husband this question about marriage when I met him. We had such a good conversation I never got to it.  I’m not completely sure what he would have said, but , I would guess he would have said he didn’t know or think much about it.

None of these questions are 100%, but you can certainly get an idea if a man is stable, has quality friends and healthy relationships with his family. The information you gather will help you with understanding men and can be very good indicators of a man’s maturity and his relationship readiness.

Understanding Men: Let a Man Lead to Clear Up Dating Confusion

 

Need help understanding men?

understanding men, don't pursue men, don't  ask him out

Dating is like Ballroom Dancing

Here is the #1 thing you can do to better understand men and get them invested in dating you.

 

Right now I have an awesome single guy as a client. In his early 50’s, Rick has shared with me the ups and downs of his romantic life. He felt ready to date again, but wanted to avoid some of the painful mistakes he has made in past relationships. I have been very excited to guide him on this journey as he is a great catch.

On his very first date after starting with me as his dating coach, he was a bit nervous and as a result, Rick let the woman lead the conversation. She went down the unfortunate road of discussing past relationships and he followed her there. Rick noticed the energy between them diminished immediately following this conversation.

They talked about getting together again and his date said she’d let him know what was good. He told me he left the ball in her court. (I thought, oh no!)

Putting the topic of past relationships aside for another blog post, I want to address this issue of who should lead on the first 4-8 dates. I explained to Rick about my “Ballroom Dancing Theory of Dating” In ballroom dancing, there is only one leader – the man, and one follower – the woman. This works best for the first 4-8 dates, (8 is better) depending on the couple, for so many reasons.

When you let a man lead, you can observe what he will do to win you over without your prompts. This is essential to judge his interest level. Does he take three weeks for a second date and more than a week between calls? Or does he ask you for a second date within three days? Obviously the quicker he gets in touch with you and asks you out, the greater interest he is showing. In this case, texting does NOT count.

But, as the woman, if you can’t take the wait or think it’s unnecessary to let him lead, you might make the mistake of calling and asking when you can see him again. “Are you busy this weekend?” might slip out of your anxious lips. This is a very bad dating strategy.

Now that women and men have achieved greater equality in the work place, women often think its perfectly fine to chase men. They want to be direct and say what is on their minds, ask a guy out, call him if they want to talk. Unfortunately dating has not caught up with work. Dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology. And you can’t take the DNA out of dating.

What does that mean about the DNA? See a man has hunter instincts coded into his DNA. The hunter wants to win. He enjoys setting his sights on a woman and then doing what it takes to win her over. He wants dating you to be his idea. Once you are into relationship (after 8 dates approximately) then the chase is  mostly over and the dance balances out. But as the woman, if you don’t wait, you can lose big time.

Men don’t like to be chased or pursued. Instinctively, most men (at least men over 40) know this is their job in dating. So when you step in, it’s often a turn off. There is no resistance. No wondering if you like him or not. No striving to win you over. When you call him or ask him out early on, you take all the guess work and mystery out of the situation and a man loses interest.

What makes a man get more interested in you? When he gets invested in winning you over! so when you make yourself too available by initiating contact or asking him out, you ruin the magic and eliminate the mystery. Instead of appearing independent and confident, usually you end up looking aggressive, needy or desperate!

That’s why my steadfast dating advice is:

DON’T CALL MEN!

 

I hope light bulbs are going on and you are catching on to why calling a man, asking him out and being direct with him are all bad dating strategies.  To make this even more clear, I want to share Rick’s email with me after I talked about the “Ballroom Dancing Theory of Dating” with him.  I also took the time to explain to Rick that leaving the “ball in her court” was too passive. This might be a way to ward off rejection so he can say it was up to her rather than potentially hearing her say “No” to his next invitation.

 

“Hi Ronnie,

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Ballroom Dance Analogy and wow, that’s really powerful.

Here was my experience when I took Ballroom Dance lessons: At first, I was really nervous and awkward and didn’t know what to do, but gradually, I became more confident at it and knew what I was doing. As my confidence grew and I had more lessons, my instructor taught me that my job as the man was:

1) To Lead – never, ever let the woman take the lead. Never. Ever. Period. This was drilled into me.

2) Always make the woman feel that she is the center of attention and the most beautiful, graceful being on the planet.

3) Always have a plan on the dance floor and know where you’re going – the woman usually can’t see where we are going because she’s facing backwards. It’s the man’s job to keep a woman out of trouble and on the right path in dancing.

4) Past mistakes are in the past and you can’t do anything about them. If you don’t focus on the here and now and the immediate future, you will make more mistakes.

When I learned and put these concepts into place, my dance card was always full and I never sat down at a dance party. In fact, the Dance Studio I went to stopped charging me for coming to the dances because they wanted me to keep coming.

So now, to compare this with dating, I feel that I am a past dance master just getting back into dancing, but I’m talking about and thinking about all my past dance partners and the fun dances we had, instead of putting these four concepts into place. I’m not leading, I’m not making the woman feel special, I don’t have a well defined plan, and I’m not letting go of my mistakes. If I don’t get this under control, I’ll be sitting down for most of the dances (figuratively speaking) and ruin my dating chances to find a new partner.

I know what to do and how to do it. Time to get off my duff and start leading again!”

 

You can only imagine how excited I was when I got this email from Rick! He had forgotten what his role in dating and dancing was. He is the leader and if he wants to find the right woman, he better take charge.

When you meet a guy who is too nice, he has forgotten he is the leader. And guess what, you find him unattractive!

So, PLEASE, promise me you will not try to lead. Sit back and follow the man’s lead. If he calls, call him back. If you had fun, tell him! But do not call him, ask when you can see him again, ask if he’s busy this weekend, or ask him out for eight dates (at least six).

This way, you’ll give yourself time to see how much a man is genuinely interested in you and what he will do all on his own to win you over. This is the best way for understanding men. This is how a man will get invested in starting a lasting, loving relationship with you.

 

Understanding Men: Was I Too Forward with Him?

When it comes to understanding men, do you sabotage your new relationships by pursing him?

understanding men, dating coach, don't pursue men, In this post I answer a question is about this and help this single gal  with understanding men and how to let them initiate and purse you in the beginning without interfering and why that is SO IMPORTANT.

“Hi Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

I met a guy a few months ago on a boat (we are both sailors), and we’ve been texting just about every day since. We live a long distance from each other. After about a month of talking he made the drive to see me, even though he only had a few days to spare, and we had a great time. Last week I flew up to see him for the weekend and again we had a great time.

But, now I worry that maybe I was being a little too forward by flying up spontaneously to see him. We’ve talked a bit since, but the texts are getting less flirty/engaged. He’s home right now moving into a new place. Should I back away? Did I make myself too available? Or is he just comfortable now and doesn’t feel he has to ‘try’ anymore. I’ve been hurt a lot the past couple years, so I’m just trying to prevent it from happening again. Tough being a (female) sailor…

Thanks for your insights and help,
Sailor Gal”

 

Hey Sailor Gal,

You flew up spontaneously without giving him warning and spent the weekend? If that is correct, then that was a major dating boo boo. For the first 4-8 dates, you need to let the man lead. That means you don’t do any initiating. You let him contact you and ask you out. Naturally, you can respond when he contacts you and you should.

Men still have the  hunter instinct because it’s coded into their DNA.  The hunter instinct behavior shows up in his career, how he plays and watches sports and chooses a woman. Men want to pursue you. This is called the “chase” which is still alive and well and part of how dating works. Men love the chase because it appeals to their need to  WIN. He wants to win you over to make you his. But he can’t win if you do all the work for him. That eliminates the hunt, the challenge, the tension and your desirability plummet.

It’s pure human nature to desire what we have to work for. And this definitely applies to dating. That’s what makes meeting a new date so exciting and exhilarating! The vast majority of men do not want to be chased by a woman. It makes most men feel uncomfortable because this is his job.

I can’t say if you chased him away or if the outcome would have been the same – one or two great weekends. But for the future, don’t spontaneously visit a guy. Don’t ask him out at all because:

  • You may have given him the impression you liked him more than he liked you.
  • You might have made yourself too available.
  • You might have seemed too forward.

Who knows? However, none of these impressions are good for you or your potential new relationship. You’ve got to let him be in charge until you know you see consistency in his pursuit of you over some amount of time. This can take a month of two, sometimes even three At that point, the power balances out and you can start to initiate too.

In most cases, 99% of the time, if a man wants to see you , he will find a way.

Your only choice now is to back off and let him come to you. If he doesn’t come back, he’s not the right guy because the right man knows you are the woman for him and wants to get to know you better so he can try to win you over and make you his.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

Dating a Divorced Man and What You Need to Know

understanding men, dating coach, finding loveUnderstanding Men Can Be Challenging. So Can Dating a Divorced Man.

Having a hard time understanding men? You are not alone. In this post I’m going to explain what I call, “Newly Divorced Man Syndrome – I hope you haven’t run into this but if you have, this will help you figure out what happened.

“Hi Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

I met this guy online from a dating site. He took the initiative and we started chatting/texting immediately. I feel like we connected and have the same beliefs and common interests. We both right off the bat explained to each other our likes and dislikes and had mutual feelings..

We became close. After a week of talking he begged me everyday to meet him but because our work schedules clash and the distance, we had a hard time planning a date. He is recently divorced has children every other weekend. We FaceTimed just to get to know each other a little better before we met up and afterwards he asked me if I was still interested? I said yes and so did he.

The next day he asked if I wanted to come meet him when he got home from work. He did have the kids, but they would be asleep by the time I got there. So I did go ahead and meet him. We had a great time and watched a movie. He was very caring made sure I got there OK made sure I was comfortable while I was there. We hit it off and we did fool around.

We both felt that connection really strongly. He held me all night basically treated me as a girlfriend. Before I even met him he would include me in all his future ideas and speak to me as if he was already going to date me.. He told me he already liked me. But if for some reason after a few dates if we didn’t hit it off or feel the same about each other, he would still remain friends with me. This was before we met.

The next day after meeting I didn’t hear from him which I didn’t expect too because he had the kids and it was Father’s Day. I sent him a nice message for Father’s Day and he thanked me and told me he was sorry for not texting. He was getting the kids ready and has a full day ahead of him but told me to have a great day. I asked him if he was still interested and he said yes are u?

I didn’t hear back from him so I sent him another message asking how his day was. He said it was all good until he went to drop off his kids and their mother showed up late and with her boyfriend.. I said I’m sorry 🙁 and he replied with how he wasn’t happy. He said he would never take her back because he lost of trust in her and that she made her bed and can lie in It. I told him if he ever needed to vent I would be here for him and he replied with thank you. than he stayed quiet and I asked him if he was OK? He hasn’t talked to me since, but I’ve seen him post a few things on Facebook.

What are your thoughts Ronnie? He seemed so into me. Please help me with understanding men and dating a divorced man.

Missing the Connection in Michigan”

 

Dear Missing,

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it sounds like you fell into the “newly divorced man trap.” Of course dating a divorced men is not always like this. But this guy sure fits the pattern. Here are some of the clues that indicate you fell into trap to help you with understanding men:

1. Opening Up – Texting, emailing, talking on the phone, and sharing deeply before you meet sadly mean nothing. This “open communication” when dating a divorced man (or single) creates an emotional connection so you let your guard down and start to trust the the guy. It’s a strategy that works all the time with countless unsuspecting women.

Deep sharing before meeting is a trap itself. Think of this like a spider in a web – “Come closer,” the spider says, ” I won’t hurt you, I can really open up and share my feelings with you and we’ll be friends no matter what.”

2. Movie Watching – When a man you haven’t met in person yet (or any time early on in dating)  asks you to come over and watch a movie, this is “ManSpeake” for “let’s get naked.” You’re better off meeting in public places until he pursues you consistently enough that you feel his intentions are to keep seeing you. This is a safeguard to help avoid the men who just want to get you into bed.

3. No Follow Up – After sleeping with this type of newly divorce guy, his communication and interest slows or disappears. “Have a great day” is not a personal comment for someone you are really connected to. Plus, you had to initiate contact by texting several times to hear from him. He clearly fails here on Mr. Right potential. For help with understanding men, if they slow down with contact or date requests or disappear, that’s your sign he’s not the one.

4. No Commitment – Recently divorced men aren’t known for wanting commitment, but ARE known for wanting sex with a variety of partners. Conquest and getting a woman to trust them to sleep together is often the focus and somehow they are very skilled at it. They KNOW what a woman needs to hear to gain that trust. Then they take advantage of your vulnerability. Not all divorced men are like this – but many fit the pattern.

5. Complains about the Ex – When a divorced man complains about his ex a lot upfront, that means he’s not over her. He’s not ready for a relationship. Walk away! There’s nothing more to understanding men who do this.

Promise me you’ll NEVER offer to nurse a man back to emotional health over his ex or let him vent to you about her. You will feel your connection getting stronger as he leans on your for healing. But, you will be his TRANSITION woman and the minute he feels better, he’ll move on. It happens all the time.

Compassionate women exchange emotional support hoping of love. This will not serve you. Next time you meet a divorced man who talks about his ex frequently, move on immediately to find a better man who is ready and available for love and a relationship.

The Truth about Dating A Divorced Man

So that’s the unfortunate truth about the “Newly Divorced Man Trap” and dating divorced men. I know firsthand all about this because it happened to me too. But, now that you know, you won’t fall for that trap again! Keep meeting new men because GOOD men are out there I promise.

Wishing you love,

dating a divorced man

 

Want to avoid this kind of dating mistake and get more savvy advice? Call me at 203-877-3777 to talk about dating coaching

 

7 Crushing Mistakes That Left Her Heartbroken

 

If you’ve been heartbroken, sometimes there is nothing you could have done differently that would change the outcome.

heartbroken, dating coach,  understand men,
Occasionally, women do make dating mistakes that push a guy away. Discover my advice on handling this disastrous dating situation.

 

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women Over 40,

I’ve had a crush on his guy for 4 months and few weeks ago he finally ask me out. He wined and dined me. Even went early to go pick up the movie tickets. The next day he texted me saying he forget to give me something and asked to drop by to give it to me. It was a pink rose. We ended up go get take out and came back for movie marathon at my place. He stayed the night.

I can for sure tell he was heading towards relationship with me. He was even willing to take one day off to go to New York with me for my photo shoot. We text and talk during the week. The downhill came when I was going out of town the following weekend.  I asked him if he’d like to see me before I leave. Initially we planned lunch but it didn’t work out. That night he was suppose to watch a game with his cousin, but instead he invited me to watch it with him instead. And I ended up stay over night again. We were up all night and by the time we looked at the clock, he had to go to work.

I asked, “Where is this going?” He said,“I can’t think right now. I didn’t sleep all night and now I have to go to work.” Later  he called me to say he is not looking for relationship because of his family problems and financial issue.

Saturday, he texted me, then  called when I didn’t respond, but I missed his call. Then Sunday morning I did the most out of character thing I ever did. I called him up at 8 am and said told him he seemed was different. I asked why none of my Prince Charmings are looking for a relationship.

Then Monday came around and I felt bad so I called him. He took time to clear things up with me. I apologized, explaining that I feel like I get played a lot. He said he had no intention of playing me, he just enjoyed my company, but he is not emotionally stable. We haven’t talked since.

So now my question is should I move on? Will he come back around ? Was that talk a goodbye? I really like this guy a lot. I like him the first movement I saw him and now I feel heartbroken. Please help me. I am feeling powerless which I haven’t had that feeling for long time. Usually I bounce back right away.

Thank you!
Powerless Gal”

 

Dear Powerless,

I know this might be hard to hear, but several things went wrong here that lead to feeling heartbroken:

  1. The whole “stopping by with a gift” thing was a play to get you into bed – it worked.
  2. Just because a man shows amazing interest doesn’t mean he wants to get into a relationship. But he may want to get into your pants.
  3. It’s best to hold off on s.e.x, not because it’s wrong, but to guard your heart from hurt should the guy disappear.
  4. It’s also works best to let men lead. So asking him if you can get to get together before you went away wasn’t letting him lead. It would have been better to let him miss you and then want to see you. Instead, you pursued him by asking to see him. For the first 4-8 dates, let the man initiate so you can learn how much he wants to see you. If you ask, you’ll never know if he’s being polite or truly interested.
  5. When a man tells you he’s not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE HIM. He’s not ready and he told you so.
  6. Never ask a man, “Where is this going?” after only two dates or even four. That’s a conversation after dating consistently for at least four to six months, depending on your age. If you’re younger (20’s) it could be more like six-eight months.
  7. Try not to get so excited about a man you only had a couple of dates with. No matter how much fun you had, it’s easy to see that things do not always progress or turn into a relationship. This is why I recommend dating more than one man at a time. You never know who will stick around and who will disappear as fast as he came on. This strategy helps you stay emotionally balanced instead of getting over the top too soon. That’s what leads to heartbreak.

Based on these seven mistakes and the final outcome, I can guarantee he is not the right man for you. He may seem like a great guy with desirable qualities, but he doesn’t want a relationship. There’s no way to bridge that gap. More heartbreak will follow if you continue to go after him. The hard truth is, even if you had not made these mistakes, he would still be the wrong guy because he’s not looking for a relationship.

In a way, you are lucky you made these dating mistakes with this guy since there was little risk of ruining a good thing. Learn from this situation so you don’t repeat these devastating errors.

 

Keep this in mind – the biggest mistake you made was getting so attached before you knew he was a keeper. That’s the true cause of the heartbreak you feel.

 

Absolutely move on to find a man who is relationship ready and not full of excuses.

 

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

Sleeping Together: What if You’re Dating More Than One Person?

 

Curious how to handle sleeping together when you are dating more than one guy? I’ve got a few suggestions that will help.

sleeping together, dating coaching, dating coach, first date sex“Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I really enjoyed the teleclass about how Patti found love. Thank you. I wish you had a chance to talk about sleeping together and how you handle it when you’re dating multiple people. When  it’s a few months in – are people having sex with multiple partners when dating more than one person? That doesn’t sound like something I’m up for. So what should I do?

Thanks for your help!”
Good Girl

 

Dear Good Girl,

Glad you could make it to the teleclass Patti Found Love and You Can Too!  This is a great question and would have been good for the Q & A portion of the call.

For the most part, I doubt a lot of single women over 40 are sleeping with multiple partners. I have three methods to help you handle this big question of what is the right time for sleeping together.

1) Holding Out. I think they are holding off before sleeping together. That way you keep the emotional attachment from happening prematurely before you know if a man has real compatibility and long-term potential. And you also avoid sleeping with several guys at the same time which might not be the best thing for you emotionally or physically.

Now I realize that it’s not easy to wait, but it sure makes things easier emotionally. When you take your time before sleeping together, you give yourself a chance to get to know a man without your hormones (oxcytocin) kicking in and clouding your judgement.

When I was dating and seeing multiple men simultaneously, it rarely lasted. Most men disappeared after one, two or three dates. I waited at least for the sixth date to sleep with a guy because that showed me a man was consistently pursuing me.  I interpreted this as him having genuine interest.

In addition, after six dates, we’d spent many hours together, so it was easier to decide if he was a good risk. I did this because I wasn’t crazy about sleeping with a guy and never hearing from him again. Holding off for date six seemed to work for me. By that point, the field had narrowed to one guy I had been dated multiple times.

Some women worry that a man won’t want to wait. My dating advice is that if a man doesn’t want to wait, he’s probably not the right guy.

Understand the point of waiting is not to play a game; it’s about guarding your heart. Most women start to bond after s.e.x which is a natural reaction. Personally I chose to wait so I could feel more comfortable. Yet, making a man wait isn’t the magic bullet to create his loyalty. Not by a long stretch. This is really about you and your emotional care.

2) No S.E.X Before Monogamy. Another way to handle sleeping together is to wait until you discuss and achieve exclusivity. That’s the dating advice Patti Stanger, Bravo TVs Millionaire Matchmaker would give you. She is know for saying, “No s.e.x before monogamy!” And Patti says that what you tell a man when he suggests intimacy. “Oh, I don’t sleep with a man until we’re exclusive.” This is a statement setting a boundary. You are not asking him to be exclusive, simply stating the facts.

3) The Feminine Approach. I have clients who have gently said, “I’m looking for a committed relationship. Other men are still approaching me online and asking me out. What do you think I should do? Should I close down my profile?” This way, you let him come to the conclusion of getting to exclusivity on his own. That is the FEMININE approach. If that doesn’t work – he might not be the right guy and just not ready for a monogamous relationship.

So, the choice is up to you. A lot depends on your emotional makeup and strength. Any of these approaches can work to help you not jump in the sack before you are ready mentally.

Now if you are dating several different men casually, and there are big gaps in time between dates, that is another story. Casual dating means you don’t plan to get attached to anyone. But if you are serious about finding lasting love, as your dating coach, I’d advise against casual dating.

More often than not, women fall in love anyway and then have to deal with the fact that they are dating a casual man who is likely not interested in monogamous love. If this is the case, avoid casual dating or dating any man who doesn’t have time to see you more than once or twice a month. That’s a sure sign he’s not serious about finding love, never mind about you.

Hope that helps clear things up for you about sleeping together!

Wishing you love

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

 

 

Online Dating Profile: If I Don’t Want Kids, Can I Say That?

My advice for your online dating profile is NOT to Focus on What You Don’t Want

online dating profile, online dating, dating coaching profile writing

Dating over 40, people have life history. Sometimes that means, marriage, divorce and children. Children are a blessing – there is no question. However, not every woman wants children…or wants to be a step mom either.

What do you say about this when writing your online dating profile? NOTHING! Yes, that’s right. Neither should you mention any of the following. You don’t want:

  • A coach potato
  • A player
  • Men who aren’t honest
  • Men who make less than $100,000
  • An unemployed man
  • Men who have never been married
  • A poor speller
  • A liberal
  • A conservative
  • A man without college education

Let me explain the reasoning here.  Think about it this way, your a man looking through profiles to meet women. You stumble on a woman’s profile who takes up a good amount of space explaining what she doesn’t want. In other words, who should not apply for the position of her date and lover.

How do men view these requirements, especially the negative type? They hear it as criticism. Even if they do not have those negative characteristics you clearly spelled, it doesn’t matter to the male reader. He hears criticism and you just lost out on a potentially great guy.

If you don’t want to date a man with kids, look at his profile to see if he has kids. Don’t waste space in your profile saying that.

There is another aspect to writing your profile to portray yourself as as positively as possible. Avoid sounding demanding, What do I mean? Here’s a sampling:

  • You must be a dog lover
  • You must like children
  • You must be spritiual
  • You must be financial stable
  • You must like to travel
  • You must be honest

When you use the word “must” you send a clear message: “I’m hard to please.” Even if that’s not true, a man will get that impression about you. Avoid using words like this at all costs. Demanding, rigid, hard to please, picky, difficult – everything but relaxed, easy going or easy to get along with. That’s what men like. You might not be this way, but let him get to know you first.

Just like you, men are looking for red flags in your online dating profile. If you stop using these phrases and describing the man you want in this fashion, more men might be willing to contact you. And after all, that’s exactly what your profile is for! You Wan to encourage men to contact you. So including on off-putting language.

What should you write in your online dating profile?

Tell him who you are. Describe your personality. Tell him the type of person you are. Explain how much fun a day with you could be. Give him an idea of how you’d like to spend a rainy Sunday with him. Remember to include activities he’ll like too, not just culture and yoga.

Online dating is here to stay and more and more people will rely on this method to find people to date. Get in the game and give it a shot. And if you are already online, tweak your profile to be more positive to improve your results!

By the way, I can write online dating profile for you and am an expert. If you don’t know what to write or want better results and think it’s time to ask for help, that’s what I’m here. Call me at 203-877-3777 or email me now.

Is He Playing Me? Dating Advice for Women

If you wonder, “Is he playing me?” chances are he is.

is he playing me

“Hello Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,

I actually experienced nearly every woman’s dream come true. I was approached by a hot male celebrity at an event. He came up to me and said ‘haven’t you seen the way I’ve been looking at you all night’ and I will be completely honest with you, we hit it off straight away.

We both were not interested in getting serious – it was just a friends with benefits relationship. After a month of us hangin’ together I never heard from him again so I messaged him to take care of himself and told him it was fun. I didn’t receive a reply and I never texted or called him again.

It’s a year later , and to my surprise I received an email from him asking for my new number saying that he hasn’t been able to get me out of his mind and how much he wants to see me again and make me his! I messaged him back my number without saying anything else.

He apologized for how he ditched me last year, I told him that as far as I was concerned we were not in a relationship so no hard feelings from my side and that I just got on with my life. He said wow! You are such a great girl. He said that he was very busy out of the country and he would take me out soon. He messaged everyday for three days, then I sent him two messages which he’s ignored for eleven days. I have not messaged or called him since.

What is going on? Do you think he has gone off me? Is he trying to use reverse psychology to make me want him more? I get the feeling I may have made him feel he is more into me than I am into him.

This guy could have any woman he wanted. Is he playing me? I still do not wish to be in a relationship with anyone, I have not been sexually active in 7 months out of choice which he also knows, could that possibly be off putting?

I was fine before he got back in touch with me, now he’s all up in my head! I am ignoring him back but starting to feel frustrated.. Am I doing the right thing?

I’d appreciate your advice,

Star Struck”

 

Dear Star Struck,

I want to say that any man who contacts you to make you “his,” then ignores your texts and disappears is full of poop. He probably doesn’t have one drop of relationship integrity. When you find yourself wondering “is he playing me?” he probably is. It doesn’t really matter if he’s trying reverse psychology or what he’s up to, you don’t need a game player. That’s sure to bring you heartache.

If he does contact you again, don’t respond unless you want more of the same.  My dating advice is to drop him like a hot potato.

Let’s talk about how you seem conflicted about relationships. You say you don’t want to be in a relationship, yet you are all upset this guy is ignoring you. That’s a conflict right there. You can’t be both, so I suspect that you do want some kind of relationship. Be honest with yourself about what you really want from a man. Getting clear can help you avoid heartache.

Friends With Benefits by definition, is a no strings attached, casual relationship. That can work if you don’t want something serious. Trouble is, it seems like you like him more than you say and DO want more. You are excited at the idea of being “his”. Again, be honest with yourself about what you want. This celebrity isn’t the right man, but there is one out there for you.

If you want more dating advice about hanging out and hooking up, check out this post.

It’s possible that he got in touch with you because he remembered something nice about you and wanted to feel your adoration. Some stars are insecure like anyone else. Truthfully, that has nothing to do with him really wanting a relationship with you. If he did, he knows exactly what to do. The fact that’s he’s not in touch shows you he’s not serious.

I wouldn’t worry if you didn’t seem into him enough or if he’s playing games with you. He’s proved twice now that he is unreliable. Let him go. You had your time with a celebrity. Enjoy that fun and fond memory. Move on to look for a man who wants what you want – A RELATIONSHIP.

Wishing You Love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

Dating Over 50: It’s About Time – You Both Need Time to Date

dating over 50, dating coach, understanding menAre you dating over 50? You may struggle to find time to date. Molly’s question shows that it take two people who have time to connect. Find out why this man is NOT the right guy for her.

“Hi Ronnie the Dating Coach for Women Over 40,

I met this guy at a party who is a busy lawyer. We went on one date and got along really well. After the date he texted me multiple times but I didn’t reply until late the next day. We chatted for a bit. But he didn’t text to arrange another date until a week after. In that week he texted saying he had a really good time with me and really wants to see me again. I wasn’t free on the days he wanted to meet so I suggested a day.

On the day of our date he had to cancel at short notice saying he was working. It appears he works 7 days a week. He was very apologetic and ‘promised we will meet again soon’. About a week later he texted to meet again, but I wasn’t free then either. So we arranged a date according to my schedule. Again on the day he was very apologetic but had to cancel due to work.

I had had enough by then so did not reply. He then texted again the next day saying he was really sorry but he gets called in at the last minute depending on his cases. If he hadn’t texted the next day still apologizing, I would have concluded he is playing me.

I finally replied saying it’s fine but that I wasn’t happy about cancelling twice. He said he knows it looks bad, etc. Now its been a week and I haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t arranged a date. What the heck is going on? I never chase guys so I don’t think I have made myself too easy. In fact if anything I allow the guy to chase me and I hardly text. So whats going on? I know he is he is a busy lawyer, but still?

Thanks for your insight,
Molly”

 

Hi Molly,

I see two things going on here which is why you may be confused.

First, you have encountered a man who has his priorities well defined. They are 1. work 2. work 3. work 4. maybe dating. So that’s what is going on with him. I doubt he means to treat you poorly, but work comes first, and probably second and third too. You don’t need to know more than that to know he’s the wrong guy for you.

I know it’s really hard when men contact you at the last minute for a date. That’s why when a man plans ahead, it’s such a blessing. However, many don’t. Now, I’m not saying you should rearrange your calendar to see him either. That is not a wise move and can send the wrong  signal that you are too available or too eager. Clearly you didn’t do that.

I am curious what is going on in your life that keeps you so busy too?  Perhaps you have children or a demanding job? When you are dating over 50 (or at any age) I would challenge you to make sure you do leave a little time open in your schedule if you want to meet men and date.

The saying goes that “nature abhors a vacuum”, so when you leave a few spots open, you create a space for something to show up and fill this time in. Even if you just leave time free for something spontaneous once in a while rather than cram your schedule full. I realize this is not always possible, just think about it.

Overall, in this situation, my advice as a dating coach is to not respond to any future contact and let him go. There has got to be a better guy than this for you. Just remember, Mr. Busy Lawyer is proof positive that men do find you attractive. That is an important factor to build confidence when dating over 50 to keep in mind. Go out and meet a few more to find one who wants love in his life and can manage more balance between work and the rest of his life.

Wishing you love,

 dating coach, find love, meet men   

 

He Has No Time For Me – Should I Wait Around?

he has no time for me, dating coach, dating tips for womenIf “he has no time for me” is your complaint about the man you are seeing, here’s my best dating tip for women who find themselves in this situation…

“Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

For a little over a month, I’ve been dating an older man who recently started a new business venture (he also has a full-time job that he works at night). We’ve been on four dates and we talk/text everyday. When he speaks of the future, my son and I are part of it.

My dilemma is that his new business takes up a lot of his time. We haven’t seen each other in over two weeks. He has no time for me. While I am naturally a loner and I’m quite comfortable with being by myself, I do get lonely (which is why I joined the dating site where he and I met). With his current work schedule and the business he is building, I feel that we don’t have enough time to spend with each other. I’ve spoken to him about my concerns to which he replied that he understood and asked me to be patient with him.

I feel that we should be able to meet/go on a date at least once a week. Am I being a brat by thinking this way? Or do I have a legitimate concern here?

Thanks for your time!”
Waiting Around

Dear Waiting Around,

You are not a brat! Your complaint about how “he has no time for me” is understandable and your desire to see him is completely reasonable. It’s not like you want to see him every night or even four times a week.

Here’s the problem: A new business can be a huge time drain or… a perfect excuse not to get close. I can’t say for sure which is true with this particular guy.

He Might Not Be the Right Guy for You
What I can tell you is that he might not be the right guy because dating and love are not high on his priority list. Any man who is serious about love makes it a priority. Not only that, but if he is building a business, when will he have time? A business start up can take years to solidify. He is showing you that you will never be his priority or certainly not in the near future.

How long does he think you should be patient with him? Ridiculous. It’s not like you’ve been in a committed relationship for years and he’s asking you to be patient. That would be quite a different story.

Keep Your Options Open
A month is not a long time to know someone and I’m assuming he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive. So, don’t hide yourself away! Keep your options open and date other men too. Until you are in an exclusive relationship, there is no reason not to see others. This way, you won’t put too much pressure on him and you might meet other men who hold finding love as a higher priority.

Don’t Limit Yourself
Why limit yourself to a man who doesn’t offer what you want in a loving partner? Here’s one of my biggest dating tips for women over 40 looking for love:

If a man is not what you want in the first month, he never will be.

Don’t wait for him! On the other hand, you don’t have to dump him either. However, my dating advice is to find other men to date. Then see what happens. I’m a big fan of meeting lots of men and dating as many as you like during that initial get-to-know-you-phase. You can see the real value of playing the field in this video. (after you click, scroll to see video – its a good one)

Keep this important fact in mind:

The purpose of dating is to discover who you want to get to know better and invest your time and emotion in.

When a man shows you he has no time for you, think twice about what he’s really saying. Remember, actions speak louder than words when it comes to men. Too often, single women make excuses for the guys they date. Don’t do it. If you want to be a man’s priority, you need to experience that from the very start. No dating situation gets better than the first few weeks together.

Since you are still free and single, make the most of dating to find the right man for you and the love you deserve.