Tag Archives: online dating advice

Are You Making These 3 Online Dating Mistakes?

 

online dating, date online, online dating advice, meet men, dating coaching for womenThree online dating mistakes most women make

When dating coaching clients come to me, they often start by complaining about online dating. Until we peel back the layers to see what they are doing wrong, they feel frustrated with the men who email them. This can happen for a number of reasons:

  1. They don’t like the men who email
  2. They don’t get enough men emailing them
  3. They wait for men to email them

There are probably more, but those are the top three problems women share with me.

Now you might think the only way to get a man to email you is to email him first. Not true! That is one way of course but I’m going to share how to email men to get a better response rate.

See, most women think the way to use online dating to meet men is so obvious. Trouble is, that’s not really true. There are a number of easy tricks to the process that can make things go so much more smoothly for you when you know what they are.

Those are the things I want to share! I want online dating to be easy, fun and highly productive so you can meet men and find love.

You might have figured some things out on your own already. But I’m going to share three secrets about how to get men to email you. This is just the tip of the iceberg on the great tips you’ll get from this program.

1. Browse men’s profiles.
As you know, you get messages from the site about who has viewed your profile. This is like online flirting – you get to see who has been admiring you. Flirting behavior can perk up a man’s interest in you and might get him to email to learn more and connect.

 2. See a guy you like? Mark him as a “favorite”.
When a guy sees that you have favorited him, he gets naturally curious to know more and often will write to you. This is another online dating flirting trick to nudge a man into action about you.

3. Choose a few men to contact.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with emailing men. You don’t need to wait for men to contact you. This again is a lot like flirting at a cocktail party. You are just being friendly. This is not an aggressive step at all. But, keep it short and ask just one question to get him thinking about you.

Now you may have already tried these tips, especially writing to men and without much to show for it. Ahhh, but what did you say? Did you make these three fatal mistakes?

  1. Did you tell all about yourself?
  2. Did you tell him how much you have in common?
  3. Did you write a long email hoping to capture his attention?

All three of these mistakes will likely not get the guy to write to you! I know, online dating is not so obvious when it comes to what works. While it seems like those methods should work, often they simply don’t. And that’s what gets SO AGGRAVATING about online dating.

But, your frustration arises from the core problem:

Not really knowing how online dating works

 Now, that lack of knowledge can be a thing of the past! All you need to do is get a copy of my home study program, How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online  You’re efforts online will be so much more productive once you gain access to all the tips and tricks I share.

I’m am all about efficiency. I know you are busy. I know you just want to meet someone. I know you don’t have a lot of time to waste. So stop wasting time! Check out How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online for more tips to make finding love online a reality for you now.

Date Online: Do I Have to Wait for Men to Contact Me?

date online, online dating profile, dating advice,

Tips to Date Online  -Be Friendly!

If you want to date online, this post offers some great tips on how to reach out to men and make the first contact.

Last night I was delivering my latest dating seminar Online Dating Kick Start and a great question came up.  One participant wanted to know if she needs to wait for men to contact her online. She is concerned about being aggressive or pushy.

A Big Virtual Cocktail Party
As one of my colleagues, Laurie Davis, founder of eFlirtExpert.com says, think of online dating as a big cocktail party. I love this analogy!

Think about it, if you were at a cocktail party, face-to-face with handsome men, would you stand around against the wall hoping one of them would talk to you? I sure hope not! Being friendly is one of the four basics of flirting that I share in Flirt School. (The others are brief eye contact coupled with a smile and acting like you are having a great time.)

Being Friendly Breaks the Ice When You Date Online
When you strike up a conversation with a man, you are breaking the ice which is often much appreciated.  There’s nothing wrong with being friendly at all. It’s not pushy. It’s not aggressive. It’s not forward. It’s just friendly! When you are friendly, you make yourself appear far more approachable which is exactly what you want to make it easy for men to meet you.

So to date online, men appreciate that friendliness as well. Trust me, men contact so many women with little or no response. They often have a much harder time connecting online. When you reach out to start a conversation, the guys will be flattered and likely grateful.

When You Date Online, Don’t Get Hung Up on Rejection
Keep in mind, that some won’t answer you. So what! Continue being friendly to new guys and you will find some who definitely want to know more about you. Don’t let a lack of response get to you or drag you down. I want to encourage you not to read into it as rejection. After all, who knows what that guy is up to or looking for. He might be traveling, dating someone else, or not sure what he even wants.

Try hard not to spend a lot of time worrying why someone didn’t respond. Instead, find someone new to contact – that’s so much more productive. The more time you spend in a positive mindset about online dating, the less stress and disappointment you’ll experience.

Back to contacting men. So, what should you say? Choose something from the profile that you have a question about. Then say hi and ask one question. Keep it simple. Or make a comment about something and then ask a question about it. That’s it. If you are comfortable and good at being funny – write something clever. Humor is a great ice breaker.

Here’s What You Don’t Want to Do

  • Don’t get into how much you have in common – let him be the judge of that.
  • Don’t describe yourself – he can look at your profile. Let him get curious to know more about you. 
  • Don’t write a long email – boring!
  • Don’t ask several questions making it difficult to respond. Make it easy and keep it simple.

Now, being friendly is not the same as asking a man out when you date online. I’m really not a fan of women doing the initiating to that extent. Some women feel they have earned the right to pursue, but in my 12 years experience as a dating coach for women and in my own dating experience, I discovered that things work better when men pursue. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly and flirty.

So, if you want to date online and aren’t getting enough contacts in your inbox, stop waiting around. Reach out and say hi to a few men. Just act like you are at a huge virtual cocktail party and see who you can clock with. keep it light, fun, spontaneous and you’ll get results.

Find Love: Why Didn’t He Want Exclusivity with Me?

 

find love, exclusivity, meet men, date online

Find Love: Why didn’t he want exclusivity with me?

To Find Love, Go For Exclusivity in a Relationship

This letter was from a woman who had a hard time understanding why a man she met online, who seemed to appreciate who she was would let her go? The question really comes down to exclusivity. She handled this well, but I gave her a tip that can really help in the future.

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I want to find love but here’s what happened. My heart is broken a tiny bit. Met a guy online and had three amazing dates. But I was paying attention: he talked about how important his work is and how it takes a lot of his time. He also said women did not always understand this about him. And was looking for a partner to fit in when HE had time. He could never commit to plans and has some financial strains because of his business.

On the third date, I told him I would not sleep with anyone if we weren’t exclusive. On our fourth date, he asked to clarify what I meant by being exclusive. I said I only sleep with boyfriends and would date in a non-committed situation for a limited time – about 2-4 months. He said he could not offer exclusivity, but wanted to keep going out.

Then he pulled back, still called, but less touching base. We saw each other two more times and the last time I felt I had to ask for time and attention, more than he was giving in the two-hour slot he had given me.

So I ended it by email by saying I liked him, wanted more than he could give and wasn’t going to pressure him and get hurt and wished him well. He sent me a very sweet email saying how great I am – good date and communicating.

My question is, why would he let me go? Or was he never capable? I feel sad.

Thanks for any insights you can give,
Frustrated in Framingham, MA

 
Dear Frustrated,

I know this is painful and my heart goes out to you regarding the disappointment on your journey to find love. Having gone on about six dates, you would think this was going somewhere. Unfortunately it did not because this man has a different dating agenda than you do. Not sure if he is incapable or simply not interested in a relationship. At least you found out early rather than six months down the road.

The good news
But the good news is that you are a savvy dater! You did catch on – he is not interested in a relationship right now. His business is his priority and he is honest about not wanting to make any promises. She is his first love. You would always be second.

Men (and women too) often use the work excuse as a barrier. “I’m so busy and women don’t understand me.” That works pretty good on most women, but not you!

From my perspective as a dating coach, he let you go because he cannot offer what you want. Sounds like he wants a no-strings, no expectations relationship with a non-demanding woman who is terribly busy herself so she doesn’t care. Or a woman who foolishly thinks he will some how turn around and want more once he falls in love with her – extremely unlikely. He did suggest continuing, but you declined which was very wise.

I also want to mention that your timing expectations seem reasonable – not sure of your age but 2-4 months to achieve exclusivity seems fair to me.

Keep some mystery! Don’t give away your timetable
Something to consider for future situations. You can explain that you don’t sleep with a man who is not exclusive, but you might want to keep your timetable to yourself. Men are funny about fitting into someone else’s timetable. They don’t need to know everything that’s up your sleeve…let them wonder what it will take to win you over – it’s more of a chase.

The reason I say this is I had a client who read in a book to wait 30 hours before intimacy. Phone calls and dates counted. Unfortunately, she told the guy she was dating. Even though it took time to get there, he waited the 30 hours to get her into bed and then disappeared. The game was worth it to him – maybe he liked a challenge.

So, a bit of mystery is not only good for him, it’s good for you too.

There are many more men, good men who want a relationship out there waiting to meet you. Get back out there soon!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

 To learn more about online dating – Read more and Register for my upcoming program How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online starting Tuesday, May 14th

 

Find Love: Date Around on HuffPoLive!

find love, meet men, dating coach, date online,

Find Love By Dating Multiple Men

Find love through volume dating

So excited to share I was on HuffPoLive – video chat segment last Thursday discussing dating around and dating more than one man at a time. I’m a big believer in this. The reason? You just don’t know who will stick around and who will disappear!

Please keep in mind that I’m talking about dating – the first 4-10 dates, and not multiple relationships. That is something very different. The purpose of dating is to get to know someone to understand your compatibility and their potential for long-term relationship. Having a few dates doesn’t mean anything. There’s no exclusivity or commitment! All of that takes time and communication and doesn’t happen in the first three dates (or should I say very rarely happens).

The segment was with anchor Abby Huntsman – she was awesome and three dating bloggers in their 20’s! Plus me as the dating expert. Prescott, Jena and Joshua were all very smart about dating from my perspective.

But the funniest thing said was by Abby Huntsman who said  something like, “Well all this dating around is for people in their 20’s” – WRONG!  It’s for any age when you want to find love. never narrow your choices and set your sights on a man when you have no idea what his dating agenda is. He might not want exclusivity or a long-term relationship. So hedge your bets and date smart!

Here’s the link – watch and enjoy!

 

Photo Credit: Yuckbananas

Online Dating: Top 5 Sites for 2013

date online, dating advice, dating coach, find love

Try Online Dating to Find Love

Online Dating-Do You Know the Top Ranking Sites?

So many of my dating coaching clients start out asking what the best online dating sites are. My dating advice is always the same: Match.com. Now I don’t get a referral fee for saying this. To me, Match is the best site because they are the biggest and sometimes bigger is better. That logic is always true, but it sure is in this case. when you have that many millions of singles in one place – you have more possibilities to choose from!

Poking around on the Internet, I found this site which had their own list of the top 5 best sites for online dating in 2013. I don’t necessarily agree with their choices – I think it depends on your age which is not a factor for their ranking process. Never the less, I want to share what they recommend with you, and then I’ll add a few online dating sites to that list from my experience.

1. Match.com  This is voted the best site overall. They have the biggest and fastest growing membership and the site is considered the easiest to use.

2. Zoosk.com  This is the second rate site and has a younger user base. They are hooked up with the social media sites and have an app as well. This probably isn’t the best site for those reading my blog who are dating after 40.

3. eHarmony.com  This sites supposedly serves marriage-minded singles and reports 120 wedding a day. My thoughts – do you believe everything in advertising? I rather doubt these statistics. If this were true – Match.com’s marriage statistic would still be higher from just sheer volume.

They use a complicated personality matching algorithm that can only work if they have enough singles to match. Under 35, the male/female ratio is not bad. But over 40, forget it! My dating coaching clients complain bitterly about this site because they don’t get enough matches. In addition, they will match you with men who have dead profiles and are no longer active.

Think about it this way – how many men do you know over 40 who have the patience to answer 236 personality questions? Exactly – not that many!

In addition, men are visual, and this site doesn’t allow you to browse or look at pictures. If you are a woman dating over 40, I don’t recommend this site. Also, they have a convoluted communication process that many singles opt out of so they can just start the email process rather than asking and answering their vapid questions. If you want to use this site PLUS Match – then what the heck? Go ahead and try it. I have had a tiny number of clients meet their right man through this site.

4. Chemistry.com This is Match.com’s answer to eHarmony. They use Dr. Helen Fischer as their dating expert – she is an amazing scientist and social researcher. But, how much does that help? If you want to use a matching site, then I would choose Chemistry because you will also be hooked up with Match.com. So the pool of prospects is quite large compared to eHarmony.

The site offers some great dating advice from well-known experts. (But you can get that here too!) And they have found a way to incorporate your feedback about matches to refine the process.

5. PerfectMatch.com  This site creates matches using the latest technology (whatever that is) and has some great organizing tools to keep your matches straight. Just like Chemistry and eHarmony, the site supposedly has more relationship-minded singles. As your dating coach, I feel these personality matching sites may attract more serious singles, but that also vastly reduces the dating pool. Something to keep in mind.

Most importantly, remember this when you date  online – most men don’t care about personality assessments. They are visual and not in their heads about dating. Women are more interested in personality assessments, so the last three options here are going to automatically deliver fewer men. Case closed.

Additional Online Dating Recommendations

6. Plenty of Fish  This is a free site that is fairly large and uses a similar, simple format like Match.com. I have a lot of dating coaching clients who will choose a fee site and use this free site too. Many singles use this strategy if they’ve been involved with online dating for a while. Some singles say you get what you pay for. That might also be true. But since it doesn’t cost you anything but a bit more time, it could expand your options. It all depends on how many responses you get from your fee-based site. So its up to you

7. OKCupid.com  This is another free site that relies on a list of questions to create a profile. Many of my dating coaching clients who have tried both this site and Plenty of Fish, prefer OKCupid.  They feel the quality of the singles are better here. My dating advice if you are going to date online is to try a fee site and a free site if yo have the time to invest.

8. OurTime.com This site is a new entry to the online dating arena. They are focused on dating over 50 which for many of my dating coaching clients is exactly what they want. I have heard mixed reviews, but I would take that with a grain of salt.

Keep in mind that any site might have more singles in one part of the country than another. That’s why its good to know about the all the top site. If you don’t have luck on one, try another!

 

Photo Credit: Syko Sam

 

Save

He Texts Me Everyday, But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

Are you having trouble understanding men and
why he texts you every day?

Understanding Men – That ‘s a Big Question

You are not alone wondering why “He texts me everyday so why doesn’t he ask me out?” This is such a constant problem for single women of any age.  I just got this email from a woman who is confused by the mixed signals she’s getting from a guy she had one date with. Maybe this has happened to you?

********

“Dear Ronnie,

I had a first date with a guy two weeks ago. It went really well and I texted him the next day. He said he was would love to see me, but was busy. I am having trouble understanding men.

Since then he texted me every three days. First he said he hoped he had time to see me at the weekend, so I thought he would call. At the weekend he texted me after 6pm on Saturday and said he was with a friend, but wished he knew I was free. Three days later he texted he would like to spend time with me this weekend. I replied I would be free. On Saturday, he texted me about 8:50pm and asked me how my day was. I texted back it was fine and he replied he spent the day painting for a friend.

Is he playing with me? Why does he hint he wants to ask me out, then does not?? Please help me with understanding men.

Thanks so much,
Texted and Confused in Missouri”

 

Dear Texted,

When a man says he wants to see you but, doesn’t make the time, its called “Stringing you along”. He is seeing someone else or a few other women, but wants to keep his options open with you in case the others don’t work out. A lot of men do this. (Women do it too.) I’ve also heard it referred to as “chatting you up” when a man calls to talk, but doesn’t ask you out.

Really its the same thing. The men who contact you with no intention of setting up a date or making time to see you are a dime a dozen.

Dating is a lot like playing poker

In addition, this guy purposefully texts you on Saturday night  to see if you are home or out. He’s doing some detective work on you. If you answered his texts right away, you communicated unwittingly that you have nothing else to do. Plus, you revealed that you are very interested and hopeful about him.

As I would tell any of my dating coaching clients, your responses have actually lowered his attraction to you. Had you been busy and responded a few hours later or the next day, that would have made him more curious about you. A woman who is busy and sought after, is always more attractive.

Dating is a lot like playing poker, you don’t want to show your hand because you give the game away. In this case, you don’t want a man to know you have nothing to do on a Saturday night or that you are more interested in him than he is in you.

Understanding Men: If He’s Truly Interested, He Will Ask You Out!

As a dating coach for over 14 years, one thing I know for sure  – when a man is truly interested in you, he will ask you out. He’ll want to see you. No matter what that man has to do, he will fit you into his schedule. So, painting “for a friend” (probably his current girlfriend) on a Saturday night would not get in his way.

My advice is to ignore his meaningless texts and let him go. But, let me warn you, ignoring him may cause his interest in you to increase. That’s because you are invoking “the chase” which men still get hooked on. The chase is still alive and well. Men like to work towards a goal.

That’s why I advise my dating coaching clients not to text, email or call a man the day after a first date. Don’t invade his space by communicating. Instead, thank him on the date and tell him you had a good time. Then, in basketball terms, drop the ball in his court and leave it there. If he’s interested, he’ll pick up the ball to call and ask you out.

So, if Mr. Text suddenly starts showing you more interest or calls to ask you out, please remember this. After one date he decided not to see you again and started stringing you along. Is that really the kind of guy worth dating? Is that the kind of guy you want to open your heart to? I doubt it.

Wishing you love,

he texts me everyday

 

PS. If you want to improve your ability to understand men and get more savvy dating advice, sign up for my newsletter. You’ll also get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make that Keep You Single!

Photo Credit: The Unquiet Librarian

Save

Save

Cast a Wider Net When Dating After Divorce

Cast a Winder Net To Find Love After Divorce

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I am a woman recently divorced who is 31 years old. I’m a successful  graphic designer who has only ever dated men who I have this in common with (a very good thing about my past relationships).

All the advice I seem to be seeing online about dating after divorce is pushing towards online dating…and it’s true I don’t particularly know how or where to meet men otherwise. Except the kind of men I am into…intellectual, very talented (yet still kind and reliable, etc.) don’t really gravitate towards these sites.

I feel a bit stuck. Do you think online dating is the only way to go? I tried it when I was younger and had no success at all meeting compatible guys.

Thanks for your help!
Looking for love in Chicago

Dear Looking,

About Online Dating
Online dating has over 40 million people who subscribe and participate. I’m quite sure there are creative, intelligent men on those sites. I know one NYC ad man (he’s 54) who has found all his women this way. And I do recommend online dating to my dating coaching client

So, don’t think for one moment that your kind of guy isn’t on there – he is! Experts agree – it could take up to a year to connect with ‘the one” but you’ll meet many interesting guys along the way to finding “him”.

Others Ways to Meet Men
Of course for your age (30), I highly recommend speed dating as well. To find it in Chicago, put “speed dating + city” into Google and see what comes up near you. You might not meet the man of your dreams right away, but you’ll have wonderful opportunities to practice flirting and conversation skills and build confidence – which, by the way is VERY attractive to men and women.

Expand Who Is Your Type
On another note, I strongly recommend rethinking your type of guy. Relationships with these men have not lasted, so while you are attractive to them, they don’t look like the right guy for you.

Its time to expand your definition of who the right guy for you is. Why doesn’t he need to be a graphic designer? What ever happened to opposites attract? Only being willing to date men in your own field is extremely limiting. There are SO MANY OTHER types of intelligent men out there. What about  builders, lawyers, teachers,  quality experts, architects? There are numerous professions who utilize aspects of creativity.

The more men you meet, the better the chance of finding one you really click with. So open up your criteria and cast a wider net to find a better match and the love you want and deserve.

Photo Credit: MicheleArt

New Scientific Study Exposes Online Dating Site Matching as Bogus!

Matching by Online Dating Sites Isn’t Scientific!

Scientists Expose Online Dating Site Matching as Unscientific

I am so excited to share this with you! If you know me or have read my blog, you know how I feel about online dating sites that match you. It’s total hogwash And now I have science behind me!

As reported by CBS News, new research has been completed proving my gut instincts to be correct. In the next issue of Science in the Public Interest, experts from four universities review reports from over 400 psychological studies and surveys. Their findings expose how the matching algorithms and procedures used by online dating sites as faulty and limited at best.

What sites were reviewed?  eHarmony, OKCupid and Chemistry were mentioned in the CBS News post. To me the worst offender is eHarmony whose ridiculously long questionnaire sends men packing. I helped a male client once go through the endless questioning which was beyond grueling.

Many clients have dumped all online dating thinking other services would be like eHarmony – hardly any men and no hope! In fact, I’ve had clients who had been rejected by the site, being told they couldn’t find a match for them. My opinion is that they just have too few men, especially out here in the eastern US.

In addition, scientists pointed out how the online dating industry has disregarded relationship science, counting on scientific sounding words like “matching algorithms” in their advertising. Many sites do have a scientist on the team, like Dr. Pepper Schwartz for Perfectmatch, yet it sounds like the science is not as active in their methodology as the reviewing scientists would like to see. Perhaps creating an effective matching system would be cost prohibitive. It’s hard to say.

Online Dating Is Still Viable Method to Find Love

So are you thinking, “Now what am I supposed to do?” Not to worry. Online dating is still a viable method for meeting new dating prospects. Only the matching sites are dubious in their scientific method. The good news is you can still do your own sorting to find dates. And there is no denying that 20% of all relationships today do start online. So don’t give up – keep going!

Forget those matching sites, especially eHarmony which has so few men over 40 (via my own anecdotal evidence) and  rely on your own instincts to find the love you want and deserve. Register with large sites like Match.com, PlentyofFish, ChristianCafe and JDate, all of which allow you to select people that you want to connect with.

 

Photo Credit: Mars Discover District

5/14 – Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online Dating Workshop – 4 Session Teleclass

 

meet men, find love, dating workshop

Want to find love this summer?

Are you a single woman in midlife who wants to find love this summer?

Do you really want to know where the good men are over 40?
Do you feel like you’ve been looking for decent guys but can’t find one?
Do you ask people you know where to go out to find quality men?

MEN over 40 are on the Internet!

If you want to find more quality men, the web is the place to do so!

In the Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online Dating Workshop, (telecourse) you will learn:

  • How to write a profile that stands out and gets the attention you deserve
  • How to write emails that get answered
  • How to select the best photos to show off your assets
  • How to create a memorable user name
  • How to develop a headline that catches his eye
  • How to use online dating as efficiently as possible
  • What to expect and a peek into what is “normal” for the web
  • How to weed out undesirable men
  • How to handle “the phone call”
  • Conversation starters and taboos
  • First dates suggestions and more
  • How to follow up with your dates
  • and so much more!

4 One-Hour Group Coaching Sessions – Tuesdays: 5/14, 5/28, 6/11, 6/25  from 8-9pm et

Programs will be recorded in case you can’t make a date.

Read more and register here

 

Photo credit: Teamstickergiant

Dating Over 40: What about Men Who are Spontaneous?

Heather, an over 40 dating coaching client of mine, asked me about a man she had been emailing online. They had several fun exchanges over three days. He told her how his work is bi-coastal and he spends a lot of time in California. Dave wasn’t sure when he’d have time to get together.

Then yesterday at about 4pm, Dave felt spontaneous. Since he found himself without a plan for the evening, maybe she’d like to get together? Heather was excited because Dave seemed, fun, bright, interesting, successful, and his photo looked great. So she said, “Sure!”

Dave lived in a town about 20 minutes away. He wasn’t that familiar with where Heather lived so he suggested two places in his own town. Heather thought about this and it made her wonder. Part of her thought, “I love to try new places!”

But another part of her mulled over the possibility that this was some sort of red flag.  She took note of the fact that he was asking her to drive to him. Heather couldn’t decide if she should shake off this negativity and just go or re-evaluate the offer and Dave. Excellent question isn’t it?

That’s when Heather picked up the phone to call me. She told me the story and with each new piece of information, I helped her “interpret” what Dave was saying, between the lines. This is an important skill for success with online dating. Here’s what I thought Dave meant:

*******

What Dave Said: “His work is bi-coastal and he spends a lot of time in California. Dave wasn’t sure when he’d have time to get together.”

What Dave Meant: Don’t expect much from me. I’m really busy/dating other women/can’t be bothered…etc. Hard to say exactly why he doesn’t want women to expect much.

What Dave Said: “He felt spontaneous. Since he found himself without plans for the evening, maybe she’d like to get together.”

What Dave Meant: I don’t plan ahead/Let’s see if she’ll bite/I’ve got nothing else to do.

What Dave Said: “He wasn’t that familiar with where Heather lived so he suggested two places in his own town.

What Dave Meant: I’m not investing much/Let her come to me/Its all about me.

********

Now, I agree, who knows what Dave is really thinking. I’m not that adept at mind reading. So, I suggested to Heather (as I would with any dating coaching client) that if she had nothing to do and wanted to meet him that night, what the heck?

We also discussed how the beginning of a relationship, even the first email, sets the tone for the future. That’s what was behind Heather’s decision  to pick a spot half way between them to meet. She wants a balanced relationship and has, in the past, been prone to giving more than she received. Asking him to meet her half way was a good step in the right direction for balance.

We’ll see what happened with Heather and Dave. My bet is he’s a player, not real boyfriend material. I’ll keep you posted.

Here’s a thought – Wouldn’t it be a relief and tremendous advantage if you had someone to call to discuss your perplexing dating questions with?

Well now you can! Just call me at 203-877-3777 to schedule a private dating coaching session and get all your dating questions answered. Whether you need help with online dating, where to meet men, understanding your man, believing love is possible, or figuring out how to get started, I’m here to help.


Dating Over 40: How can I keep myself safe when I’m trying online dating?

 

Dear Ronnie,

I’m putting up a profile on match.com and want to know if you have any tips about being safe when using internet dating sites? Can you give me some suggestions please?

Katie in Scarsdale, NY

Dear Katie,

There are a number of things you can do to help guard your safety with online dating:
1. Use a different email address than your regular one and don’t use  your last name in it.
2. Don’t give out any personal information, like where you live (the town is OK) or your last name.
3. When it’s time to go from email to the telephopne, ask the guy for his phone number. Block caller ID before
making a call – just hit *67 – I believe that’s the number – then dial his number even if it’s long distance.
4. Or, give out your cell number– there’s no way to look up your address with a cell phone number.
 
If you are really nervous about meeting men, whether from the Internet or a blind date:
1. Meet at Barnes and Noble or Borders where they have a cafe or Starbucks. These places have well lit parking
lots with plenty of people all the time which helps keep you safe.

2. Tell someone where you are going and when you expect to be back. Let the person know if you decide to stay longer so they don’t worry and someone knows where you are.

 

3. Keep your first meeting short – no marathon dates. Don’t let it run into dinner. If he asks you to stay for dinner – suggest getting together another day.
4. Don’t get into a man’s car who you don’t know. Not even for a few harmless smooches. Don’t let him pick you up either until you ‘ve had a few dates and trust him. Drive your own car and meet him.
 
Keep this in mind:
Out of the 1,500 people who I have spoken with, I have never heard one bad story. Not one. So all these ideas are just for precaution. Do them for your own peace of mind,
 
For the most part, you are perfectly safe and 99.9% of the men you meet are just regular guys. As long as you are smart, you have little to worry about except whether or not you like your date or if he’ll ask you out again.
 
Smile, be friendly and have fun! People meet and fall in love every day from the Internet. Why not you?

 

Dating Over 40: 5 Big Reasons Why You Must Post a Photo on Match.com

If you are going to write up a profile and answer all the questions on Match.com or any other dating site, for goodness sake, please post a photo. I am constantly amazed at women who tell me they don’t want to put up a picture. Why not?

Well there are plenty of reasons. For example some women are afraid co-workers will see the photo and then every one will know they are dating. OK uh, if you’re single, chances are strong you might want to date. Why should this remain a secret? People still find it embarrassing to be single. yet, half the adult population IS SINGLE! Please try to get over this – there is nothing to be embarrassed about because everyone deserves a loving life partner.

But I can  tell you there are far more reasons to post your photo and here are five big ones:

1) Men are visual and a photo will help them decide if you are attractive and worth chasing. Come on, women today are almost as visual as the men. Perhaps some are more flexible about a man’s attractiveness, but I know plenty of women who click and click looking for a man with hair right? Get over the idea that men select you by your looks. Of course that’s how they select you!  They have to be attracted – that’s what the photo is for. And there is no way to get around this.

2) If you want to send the photo upon request, a man will still see your picture right? He may still reject you based on your looks. So why not skip this time consuming step and just post the darn thing?

3) I had a client who refused to post her photo. She had 162 men look at her profile and contact her in a five month period. Once I convinced her to post her picture, she had 232 look at her in just 5 days. If you’re playing the odds, bet on the photo to pull in the most men.

4) Internet dating is a numbers game. Don’t you want the highest return on the hard work you did putting together your profile? Of course you do! So post that picture and stop putting road blocks in your path.

5) Writing a good profile is not that easy. Many people sound the same because they like the movies or dining out. For some, it’s difficult to describe themselves and really get across who they are. A written profile is often flat and without dimension for these reasons. Although I can help with tips or by writing your profile for you – just post that picture – it’s worth 1,000 words!

I hope you are starting to turn around on this no photo phobia.

Honestly, if you’re not going to post your photo, you might as well not post the profile either. No photo on your Internet dating profile is like a day without sunshine or a burger without ketchup or tuna fish without Hellman’s, or donuts without coffee, or salsa without tortilla chips Gee I must be hungry.. Sorry for the clichés but they work. And so do the photos – so post one right now!