Tag Archives: Dating Coach

Understanding Men: I Want to See Him More Often

Understanding Men

Understanding Men – How Can I Get on his Calendar?

Here’s a tip about understanding men. If you want to see more of a guy who dates you occasionally, first think about what his sporadic dates tell you about him.

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I’m a career focused 40 year old woman who has never married and has no kids. I’m dating a man who is 50 with the same deal. We were set up by family & friends. So far, we’ve had three great dates in 3 months. We  have not slept together yet. Work and travel have definitely gotten in our way. His life is his job, my life is career too, but not as extreme as it is for him.

Problem is, he does not call or email me when he travels which makes for long gaps between contact and dates. I want to get to know him better, to speak to him more and see him more often. How do I bring that up without seeming desperate and/or needy? We have not slept together. Please help! I need your advice!

Wanting More in Westover”

Dear Wanting More,

You like this man, want to get to know him better and hope this relationship goes deeper. So far you’ve seen him three times, but just once a month and he doesn’t contact you in between. What does that tell you about him?

Understanding Men – Learn to Read a Man’s Actions

If you take a step back and look at this objectively, not from what you want but from what is happening, you will get a clear picture. This is a man who is content seeing you infrequently and doesn’t desire contact in between. Ultimately, he enjoys your company, but he’s not craving more. He’s not curious about how you’re doing and he’s not trying to win you over.

The truth is he doesn’t want more from you. If he did, he would take action to talk to you and see you more. He’s perfectly happy with how things are. No expectations, no demands, no strings attached. He gets to come and go and you have no options to change this.

I know this is hard to hear but HE HAS TO WANT MORE and unfortunately, you can’t MAKE him want more. He is not looking for a relationship or he would step things up. He likes things just the way they are or he would do something to change that.

Can I Do Anything to Change the Pace?

The one thing you can do is encourage him. Next time you see him,  tell him how much you enjoy his company or sense of humor.  Say you feel relaxed and comfortable around him. Let him know you appreciate  the restaurant he chose or whatever place he took you too. Don’t over do it – a couple of compliments  will be enough if his has any chance of getting him to see you more frequently.

When it comes to understanding men, they choose women who make them feel good. When you tell him you like spending time with him and compliment his choices or sense of humor, he’ll feel appreciated which reflects well on you.

But the fact is this is a man who is 50, never married, and travels a lot for work. If that didn’t please him, he’d have changed it long ago. Truth is he’s probably happy alone. He could enjoy a woman’s company like yours from time to time, but not want anything serious.

I’ve done a lot of work on understanding men and one thing I know for sure: Regardless of how busy a man is, if he’s interested in you and wants to see you, he will FIND THE TIME. A man will move hell and high water (as the old saying goes) to be with a woman who captivates him.

My Advice for Understanding Men

So my advice is to move on and look for a man who has more time in his calendar for you and for love. This man is not likely to change his ways for you and you’ll do nothing but waste your precious time waiting for him to become the man you want.

Wishing you love,

understanding men

 

Photo Credit: Digital Vlilkki

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Dating Over 50: Apply the Boston Marathon’s Positive Approach

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Dating over 50 and feeling stressed out or disappointed? Apply the Boston Marathon’s positive approach to your love life!

Are you having a hard time dating to find love?  I understand. As a dating coach for women over 40, I work with women every day who express their frustration, anger, fear and sadness. It’s not easy out there. But that doesn’t mean finding love again isn’t possible. It’s definitely a realistic goal!

Look at what happened this week at the Boston Marathon. They came on very STRONG! Think of the horrifying disaster the city survived. For this year’s race, they didn’t cower, licking their wounds, although they would have been entitled to do so. They shored up their courage and came out of the gate boldly. And this year for the first time, an American runner won the race. That adds to the pride of an event well done.

Now I don’t mean to make light of what happened at the marathon last year. But I want to look at your love life in view of this remarkable turn around.

Let’s think about how dating went for you over the last 12 months. Did you:

  • Have any devastating dates that were just awful?
  • Suffer disappointments from men who didn’t call?
  • Not meet one single man who seemed worthy?
  • Take action on a rare occasion that didn’t produce results?
  • Decide to hide and not bother looking?

Looking for love is a choice you make, followed by specific actions that help you build confidence, take care of yourself, push beyond your comfort zone and meet new people. If you don’t follow these simple steps, you are not likely to find love or date anyone. Finding love is a process that requires internal strength and action.

Now you may say it’s not worth the trouble. Or that you’ve been hurt too many times to bother. But, if love is your true desire, are you going to let yourself off the hook like that? Are you going to make it that easy to quit? Are you going to allow your heart’s desire to languish unattended?

That’s not how they handled the marathon this year in Boston. They took action. Smart steps to come back with a fabulous and exciting event enjoyed by all. I invite you to take a life lesson from Boston and the runners who participated.

When bad things happen, you need to heal. Take time to do that, but not too much time. Just like a runner who takes too much time off from training, you’ll have to build up all over again if you don’t get back in the game.

If you are dating over 50, be willing to look at your part in what happened in your love life. Assess what you might do differently next time so you can date smarter. Rebuild confidence to face the dating scene with strength. Know that you are not only worthy, but a fabulous catch. Some man would be darn lucky to be with a women like you!

Check out this story about the couple who were both injured last year at the Boston Marathon and came back this year to cross the finish line of the handcycle race while holding hands. They faced incredible adversity with each one losing a limb in the blast, as they watched the race from the sidelines last year. On Tuesday, April 21st, they returned to face down the scene and emerge as victors.

Don’t let your hurt feelings and disappointments debilitate you and keep you from finding love. Dating over 50 is hard. But its not like some of the stress this couple had to deal with is it? People tend to achieve what they  commit to. So consider this my invitation to shore up your courage, build confidence, and set an intention that you are unstoppable.

Until you cross the finish line of finding love, get back in there to run the race. Be strong, keep going and hold a clear vision that dating over 50 will deliver the results you want – you can find lasting love with the man of your dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Coach Tip: Love Is for the Loving

dating coach, find love, finding love, will I ever find loveAs a dating coach, I am quite certain finding love is possible. But the question is, do you believe in love? Do you consider yourself to be a loving person? How do you share your love with the world?

In my practice as a dating coach I am often both amazed and shocked by some of the people who come to me for help. There are those who really know who they are and what they have to share. They are ready for a relationship but want some guidance to realize their dream.

On the other hand, there are women who call me with their feelings about dating, men and love that really surprise me. They can be angry, feel exceptionally entitled and think the world owes them love. To me, this is a red flag and I can tell they will have trouble attracting love into their lives. The main reason is that they are not expressing love (at least not romantic love) in the world. Instead they spread anger and resentment.

Here’s a big truth about the process:

Love is for the loving.

Trust me, I understand why you might feel angry about men, dating and love. Perhaps you’ve been hurt, gotten divorced, feel betrayed among other unpleasantness to say the least. You are entitled to these feelings and they are valid. However, if you are in the process of seeking love, it’s worth thinking about how you express love in the world.

When you are loving as a way of being, you don’t:

  • Talk trash about men
  • Sit with girlfriends and complain about how men stink
  • Feel disdain towards men in general
  • Say how there are no good men left or they are all taken
  • Feel most men are substandard human beings compared to women

These beliefs or attitudes do not come from a loving place. These ideas exemplify how your heart is not open to men, dating or romantic love.

This may sound harsh or unfair to you, but to find a good man, the most fundamental belief to hold is that men are worthy members of the human race. It may be difficult to think his way if you’ve been cheated on or lied to. As a dating coach for women, I get it. But the truth is:

All Men Are Not The Same

This is a good place to start if you have trouble thinking positively about men, love and dating. You can likely find a way to agree with the idea that all men are not exactly the same right? That makes sense doesn’t it? All women certainly are not the same.

Opening your heart and starting to trust men again can shift slowly, taking one little step at  time. Start with this small step to acknowledge all men are not the same and some good ones do exist who are single.Then every day, stretch your beliefs a little bit to see where you can go.

Can you imagine that there are a few good men left somewhere on earth? Can you imagine some of them are in the United States? Can you imagine there might be a few good men in a fifty mile radius around where you live?

Try these baby steps in building your belief system back up to a healthy, loving level. Work to open your heart again. Start believing love is possible for you. Find ways to express love and become a more loving person. Practice random acts of kindness. Share a smile with a man you don’t know – you’ll make his day and feel good about yourself as well.

Once your mindset gets to a place where good men are out there and you should be able to find one, that’s when you are ready to start dating. That’s when you swill begin to notice decent guys. That’s when the men who respond to your online dating profile will somehow be better or more appropriate.

My dating coach advice is this – The Universe follows your lead. Show it the way to go to get what you want. Be loving and express that love. Believe in yourself, love and men. Know for sure that you can find a good man. Once you do this, you are most certainly on the path to attracting the lasting love you crave.

To learn more about creating a loving mindset, check out the Man Attraction Secret

Hooking Up and Hanging Out – Dead End Relationships that Derail Love

Hooking UpHooking up doesn’t usually end with love

For many people, connecting casually has become the new normal. A guy
you met online texts to say he’s out with friends and asks you to join him. This isn’t an official first date, but offers a low risk way to meet. From my perspective as a dating coach, this seems to be a symptom of a growing rejection-adverse culture that fosters casual behavior. As a single woman, you think this is harmless enough. But let me define Hooking Up for you so we are on the same page.

 According to Wikipedia, hooking up means:

To meet up, or make a connection between people.
Slang term for courtship, especially of short duration.
Casual relationship or casual sex.

Given the common understanding that this is a casual type of relationship, doesn’t that tell you that it probably won’t blossom into long-term love? Naturally there are  exceptions to every rule where things do progress to love, but for the most part, this is very rare.

Let me give you a couple of scenarios:

Scenario #1: You meet a guy online. He asks for your number and you start texting. One night he’s out with friends and texts, asking you to join him. You go for it and end up having a fun evening. Perhaps you have a few too many or  feel in the mood when he says he really  likes you and wants to go to your place. You hook up for the night and hope to see him again.

Scenario #2: Or maybe the guy you just met asks if you want to hang out. He’ll get a pizza and you’ll watch a movie at his home or yours. Sounds harmless enough so you say yes. One thing leads to another and you never finish watching that movie.

As a dating coach for women, I understand you have “needs”. So if this is about getting your rocks off, Okay, I get it. Not all women become emotionally attached to the men they sleep with right away. That does make a casual arrangement a heck of a lot easier to handle.

Proximity Causes Deeper Feelings
However, if you are the type of woman who bonds after intimacy, hooking up or hanging out with a man is not the best idea. The longer you stay in this non-committed casual situation, the more likely your desire for love with that man will deepen.

Whether you can handle casual sex or hope for more, you will be spending time with a guy who doesn’t have any long-term intentions. Yet, he will take up space in your heart. This is totally natural and a result of what I call “proximity” –  spending time with someone you enjoy leads to feelings of affection or more.

Why Love Is Derailed by Hooking Up or Hanging Out
Sticking with a casual relationship hoping for more is how you get derailed from love. Because you have growing feelings for a man who is not boyfriend material. You will start to put up with behavior and treatment that is substandard so you can spend time with him. Last minute invitations or late night booty calls. If you aren’t careful, your self-esteem could be eroded and you might start believing he’s the only man for you. All this from innocently hooking up or hanging out.

I Don’t Recommend It!
If casual is not what you want, don’t get started. When you first meet a guy, it’s true you don’t always know his agenda. You can’t be sure he’s looking for love or a girlfriend or a wife. On the other hand, you can tell quickly if he’s hoping to hook up or hang out because he’ll make a move on you or use those very words. And when a man does this while you are looking for a serious relationship – be smart, guard your heart and simply move on. That’s the easiest way to avoid heartbreak and shorten your search for lasting love.

 

Understand Men: Mixed Signals from Men Are So Confusing

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Understand Men: Are You Confused by the Mixed Signals from Men

Understand Men Who Confuse You with Mixed Signals

“Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

Two months ago I was in another town on business. When I got to my hotel that night a guy I went to High School with had messaged me on Facebook saying he thought had seen me in his town and had I been there? I told him I had. We exchanged a few short messages, then he asked me to dinner. I told him I was leaving town the next day. He said to let him know the next time I was in town and we could “grab a bite to eat.”

Three weeks later I let him know I would be in town the next day. He said that unfortunately he was busy and he couldn’t make it. But when I pulled into town the next day he texted me and asked me to lunch. We met for an hour. We haven’t seen each other in 20 years. He’s 40. I’m 39.

Anyway, we left the lunch with no future plan. I was a bit confused as to whether it was a date or not. A few hours later I texted him to say it was great seeing him. He said he loved chatting and “let’s do it again sometime.” So a few weeks later I let him know I’d be in town in a few days and asked if he wanted to get together. He invited me to his house for dinner. He’s a trustworthy guy so I accepted. Still couldn’t tell if it was a date.

Anyway the night before he called to cancel because he had to work an extra shift. But he said we needed to get together the next time I was in town. Anyway, I kind of wondered if that was a way of him just deciding he wasn’t in to me. But I was thinking, I couldn’t tell if it was even a date, so no big deal.

I thought I’d give it one more shot. I texted him the other day and let him know I’d be in town again and would he let me treat him to dinner? He accepted, but today he texted and asked, if it’s it okay for him to cook me dinner at his place.

I can’t figure this out. Is this guy trying to pursue me or is this just a friend hosting a friend when I’m out of town on business? I’m totally into him. He’s very grounded and a kind person. I want him to like me. I just can’t tell if he likes me as a date or as a friend.

Ronnie, please advise me what to do!”
Wanting Him

Dear Wanting,

As a dating coach, here’s how I understand men. When a man cooks you dinner – sex with you is on his menu for dessert. This happened to me more than once when I was dating. Please do not have dinner at his house unless you plan on sleeping with him. Even though you know him, I strongly advise keeping your get togethers in public to be on the safe side.

As a dating coach for 11 years, I’ve seen a lot of male behavior to understand men and what is going on. The first thing is that you are in an awkward position because you communicate first, letting him know when you’re in town. In a relationship where a man is genuinely interested, you would not have to do this. I’ll explain in a minute.

My best dating advice is that your high school buddy is lazy and hoping to get lucky. Here are four reasons why I believe this is true:

1. If he were keeping a conversation going with you in between visits, he would know when you were coming to town. Then he could pursue you. Since he is not doing that (as far as I can a tell from your question), he is not pursuing you. In fact, you are doing his job for him by initialing dates and pursuing him.

1. Cancelling after making plans does happen. But, he could easily also be seeing other women which causes him to cancel. It could be true that he has to work or whatever, but I tend to doubt that.

3. Another clue for me about his passive, non-pursuing behavior is after a nice lunch which he agreed was fun, he left you with the “wishy-washy” comment, “Let’s do it again sometime.” That’s highly non-commital and not the sign of a man pursuing you. An interested man who say “Let’s do it again, when will you be back in town?”

4. Texting and Facebook are supplementary methods of communication. Not the main choice of a man who is sincerely interested. I didn’t get that he has been spending a lot of time on the phone with you which would help him get to know you faster and crate a connection.

These are the reasons you can’t tell if this is a date or friendship. He is sending a lot of mixed signals and messages.

My Advice to Understand Men

My dating advice to help you understand men is to stop letting him know when you will be around. Don’t initiate any contact with him. Leave the ball in his court as they say. If this high school buddy seriously wants to see you, he’ll contact you. And if not, you won’t be confused any more about his intentions.

If you want expert dating advice and are ready to discover if coaching is for you, apply for Dating Discovery Session today. I look forward to learning about you and finding out how I can help.

CT dating coach Photo Credit: Atomic Shark

 

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Meet Men: Visually, What Appeals Most to Men in a Woman?

meet men, find love, dating coach, what men want

Ready to Meet Men?

You Have to Meet Men to Find Love

You may think that headline is silly – of course you need to meet men to find love and lots of them! That’s why knowing what men really look for visually in a woman matters. What criteria sets you apart from other women?

These tips I’ll be sharing might not be what you think. They are much simpler than you probably expect. But I get this advice from MEN themselves. Before I actually tell you what men want, I want to first alert you to something you want to ignore. That’s right, you want to pay absolutely no attention to this particular source of information about what men want. Are you ready?

Don’t let what you read in men’s online dating profiles fill your head about what men want. Remember, a profile is like your ultimate wish list. When men write their online dating profile, they express the qualities they seek in their ideal woman. That’s what you do as well right?  But this is not exactly a true description of the women they will choose to date. So, don’t read all those profiles and get depressed about what men write. That’s a big mistake.

Let me tell you about Dave Barry, a Pulitzer Prize winning humor columnist for 25 years whose work appeared in 500+ US newspapers and abroad. Dave has also written a total of 30 books among many other accomplishments. He is a contributor to a new book entitle The Better Bombshell and  I read a section of what he wrote. He’s funny, down-to-earth and makes his point quickly. Let me give you the highlights.

1. Most men don’t like short hair on women.
It’s true and is confirmed constantly for me by the single and coupled men I speak with on a regular basis. They want hair that is touchable and longer, like at least touching your shoulders. Dave gave a list of the women who look great in short hair: 1) Halle Barry 2) The late Audrey Hepburn.

He then went on to say if your name isn’t on the list, you can still get a short hair cut, but don’t expect men to like it. And, if you ask a man whether he likes a short haircut- he is most likely to just lie so he won’t hurt your feelings.

2. Most men like any woman who has a chance of being naked.
If you do the research, you will find this standard repeated over and over again. Men are not nearly as picky about body types as women think they are. Or as women are about themselves. Yes, if you give them a preference of model beautiful, they might select that OR NOT.

One time I was out with my husband and his single friend Jimmy. I pointed out several gorgeous blonds at the bar and asked why Jimmy didn’t approach them. His response was, “Are you kidding? Too high maintenance!” He wanted nothing to do with those beautiful gals.

I’ve read lots and lots of material written by men, male dating coaches and other dating experts. They seem to say very similar things about what men want in a woman. Let’s start with a pulse.

Now, I’m being somewhat flippant because men do want a woman who takes good care of herself.  Especially over 45 or 50, they want to see you still have a sense of style and dress with a youthful look vs. frumpy. They want you to a little wear makeup to enhance what God gave you and promote that youthful glow.

But the real truth is, you don’t need to be super model thin. In fact, most men want a woman with some meat on her bones to squeeze and hold onto.

To Meet Men, Be Your Best Self

Yes, that’s it! I hope you feel some relief knowing this. You don’t need to torture yourself. You can stop that intense self-berating inner chatter right now because it’s just not valid. Women find love every day and they are not all super models with waist-length hair. But they are women who make the most of who they are and what they have.

If you wear flattering, stylish clothes, some make up and don’t choose a pixie haircut, you are 85% of the way there. Add confidence and mix it with a friendly, open attitude and you are at 99%! Just being friendly alone bumps you up near the top of the list since the majority of women won’t give men a chance.

As your dating coach, I tell you this to remind you that you are already good enough as is to meet men and find love. Just dress it up a bit, get out there and smile! And if you want a good laugh, read the excerpt from Dave’s contribution to The Better Bombshell

 

Understand Men: He Wants to Put All His Eggs in One Basket with Me

Need help to better understand men?

Many single women do! This reader wrote in about a confusing situation with a new guy she met online. Read on to see how I helped her.

Hey Ronnie – The Dating Coach for women 40+

understand men, find love, dating coach

Understand men: don’t put all your eggs in his basket too quickly

Please help me understand men!  I started talking to a guy, who made the first connection online for about 2 weeks. We talked about 3-4 times during that time before we went our first date last Friday. We had our date in which he traveled about an hour to come see me, had dinner, went downtown to walk around and went to a club.

He paid, was very polite including opening doors,paying compliments, kissing my hand and cheek. But when he went for an actual kiss, I told him let’s wait.

On the date and online he was adamant about only “putting his eggs in one basket” and looking for a relationship. He said he wanted to get together again, to which I agreed. Well we parted ways, I asked him to call me to ensure that he got home and he did.

The next day he called a few times, I finally responded back. Starting Sunday, all of a sudden we weren’t talking as much. When he texted me I would text back, but I don’t know why all of a sudden we aren’t talking. My mind has me wondering now. He seems to go on the website  everyday, but he said he only wanted to deal with one lady. I just don’t  understand men.

I am to the point where since we have not had a real conversation and he has not made any concrete plans, I’m thinking he may not be interested any more?! Or maybe he’s dating someone else?

He is studying for a graduate entrance exam, and I know he works everyday, but is he really that busy? He calls/texts me every morning but literally he called me, and I called back. He texted me, “Hey missed your call again, what’s up?”

What should I think of all this? Am I being strung along? Please help!

Thanks Ronnie,
Basket Woman

Dear Basket Woman,

I can’t say for sure, but I can give you my gut reaction to help you understand men.

I don’t believe a man when he says “one woman right away” without ever meeting. That is often a “Rush to Bed” strategy for men. Some guys tell women what they want to hear to get into their pants faster. This could be his method. So, my bet is “liar liar pants on fire”. He has no intention of focusing on one woman. Since his strategy didn’t work with you, perhaps he has cooled and/or moved on.

I can see why you feel like he is stringing you along with his texting and phone call evasion tricks. It’s hard to understand men and why they do this. But I can tell you that a man who has decided you are “the one”, doesn’t stop calling and doesn’t keep aggressively looking online.

Maybe the texting makes him feel good since he’s likely in contact with several women at the same time. That could be a great ego boost as he scans for women who will jump into bed with him.

As a dating coach for women, this is what I recommend. Don’t date one man! Date around until one man you like asks you to be exclusive. Never agree to this on or before the first date. I wouldn’t narrow your options until you’ve had at least 4-6 maybe 10 dates with the same guy who is consistent, true to his word, follows through as promised, treats you well, has similar values and you enjoy your  time together.

If you want to understand men better, I suggest you become a member of my Inner Circle which features monthly Q&A calls. Plus, there are 20 recorded  expert interviews among other benefits. It’s all for a nominal fee of just $19.97 a month.

Learn more about group dating coaching in the Inner Circle here to see if it’s for you.

xoxox,
Ronnie

 

 Photo  Credit: Watt Publishing

 

 

Dating Advice: Why Do You Want to Meet “Unqualified” Men?

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Dating Advice- Where Should I Meet Men?

Are you seeking dating advice on how to meet more men? Read on…

This week I sent out an email sharing eight places to meet single men. Here’s the video link. But I didn’t recommend traditional places were you can find singles. Instead, I suggested other places where you are bound to meet men, but won’t be sure they are single. I called these men “unqualified” for that very reason – they don’t qualify as single, but they might be.

One of my readers sent me back an email asking me, “Why on earth would I want to meet “unqualified” men? I want to meet qualified bachelors.”

There are actually four reasons (maybe more) why, as a single woman in midlife, you want to know where to find men in general.

My dating advice to meet men and why you want them to be qualified and unqualified:

1. Men Aren’t Joiners – As men get older, they tend to be less socially active. Not all men, but the majority. That’s why you see so few men at singles events. There is often a 60/40 or sometimes 70/30 ratio of women to men. The reason? Men don’t join things at the same rate as women do.

So when my dating advice often includes places like singles dances, speed dating (which requires an equal male/female ration), Meetup.com groups, etc.  However, women go and then complain there aren’t enough men at these events. BINGO! That’s why you want to be able to meet unqualified men as well to make sure you meet enough men to find the right one for you.

Matchmakers have the same problem in getting men to join up and most have the same 70/30 ratio which is why so many women get angry with their matchmaker. Not enough male inventory. Again the solution – meet men in other places.

2. Single Men Are Online – This is the one exception when it comes to men being willing to join things. They are online in droves, especially over 40. It just feels more private to them rather than having everyone at a singles event watching them interact with the ladies. I’m a big proponent of online dating for this very reason. But if you’ve been doing online dating, sometimes you want to mix things up or take a break. The solution – meet men in other places.

3. Flirting Face to Face is Fun – It’s a lot easier to flirt when you are face-to-face with men. To do that, you have to know where the men are! A lot of my clients don’t feel comfortable just going to a bar. That’s why I suggested boat and car shows, historical re-enactments, sports bars, driving ranges and golfing, among others to interact with men.

4. Anyone Could Be Your Magic Connection to Love – Plus, you never know who you will meet when you go out. You could meet a man who knows the perfect guy for you or a woman who knows someone. The more people you meet, the bigger your social circle, the better your chances of finding love. My last reason to meet unqualified men.

My Dating Advice – Meet Lots of Men

So there you have it, my best dating advice – meet lots of men. The more guys you meet, the more confident you become. Your skills improve and you start to relax. You take the pressure off yourself or any particular event because you know – there are always more men. There is always another event or place to find guys.

This is one circumstance where more is better. So go ahead, meet those unqualified guys. One of them could be your Mr. Right. Or he might know a guy for you. Don’t restrict yourself to one method because ultimately, it limits your opportunities when what you want most is to expand your chances to find love.

Want more dating advice or need the inspiration and methods to meet more men and find love?  Join my Love Mastermindwhich starts Monday march 11 at 8pm est. With monthly group coaching by phone and a private check-in, you ‘ll get the suppot ansd wisdom you need to find love faster than you can going it alone.  People who get coaching achieve their goals so much faster! Learn more here.

 

CT dating coach, Dating Coach CT,  Connecticut dating coach, CT singles

Dating Advice: Is It Easier to Stay Single Than Find Love?

Dating Advice for Single Women in Midlife

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Dating Advice – Is it easier to stay single?

For some single women, they simply find it easier to be alone. You can go to sleep when you want and wake up when you’re ready. You can choose what kind of food to eat and when to eat it. You get to decide where to vacation, how to decorate your home and what to watch on TV.

There’s no compromising or arguing because you are in charge right? You are entitled to whatever makes you happy.

But what if you wish you had someone to share your life with? What if you want a man to snuggle with and kiss? What if you wanted someone to call in a moment
when only your lover will do?

Being single is absolutely a simpler easier way of life and is an acceptable choice – no question. However, if you want to be in a loving relationship, but are settling for the single life because its easier, is that being fair to yourself? Have you simply opted out of the dating pool because you don’t know where to start? Or maybe you’ve had it with men or dating?

My dating advice here is don’t give up hope!

Spring is coming – a time of year known for romantic stirrings that harken back to man’s more primitive days. Flowers start to blossom and romance can too. You know you want this. You know your heart yearns for that deep connection with a loving man who is supportive, funny and knows how to enjoy life.

As a dating coach for women, I want to ask you what will it take to move you into action? What will you require to permit yourself to find love? The best dating advice is to give your self permission to get on the road to discovery. Shift your patterns and attitudes with small tweaks that open up romantic options you may have never thought were possible before.

 If you just want to keep your life single, then I understand – looking for love is too much trouble. But if you are in the camp of wanting love, longing for the closeness of the right man, then my dating advice is that it’s time you allowed yourself to go for what you want. And one thing I know for sure as a dating coach is that the Group Coaching Program – The Love Mastermind can be a tremendous help!

Register now for The Love Mastermind, a six session (once a month) group coaching program conducted by phone that will get you moving, help you stay motivated and accountable so you can start meeting men and finding love. With monthly support from the group coaching call, and a short private session with me monthly as well, your love life will start rockin’ and rolling this spring. Throw the doors wide open to magnetically attract the love you deserve.

I’ll be there every step of the way to hold your hand, encourage you, inspire you and help you see the possibilities that have been yours but lying dormant until now. It all starts Monday, March 11 at 8pm est. from the comfort of your own home or any where you have a telephone.

Will you be there? Will you honor your true desires for love? As your dating coach, I sure hope you will. My dating advice is to learn more and register here now.

 

 

Understand Men: The Worst Thing You Can Do On A First Date

 

understand men, find love, dating coach, meet men

Understanding Men

Do you want to understand men better on a first date?

Do you know what the worst possible thing you could do when you meet a new guy is? As a dating coach, I’m going to tell you in this post so you never have to worry about making this self-sabotaging mistake again.

Let me give you the scenario so you can really see how this is such a problem. Maybe you are meeting a guy for a first coffee date – in the dating business this is called “Date Zero”. See it’s not really a date. Its a meeting to see if the two of you have enough in common and chemistry to go on a real first date.

OK, so you walk in at 7pm on a Tuesday night. You had tough day at work. The traffic on the way home stunk. Laundry is piling up at home along with a bunch of other things hanging over your head.

If you have kids, there’s homework and dealing with the babysitter. Or maybe your ex has the kids this night – that might make it a little easier if true.

You wanted to freshen up but who had time for that? What a day!

You walk into the place and look for the guy. After you spot him, you go over and sit down. Thankfully he asks what you want to drink and you order coffee or maybe a glass of wine to help you relax after such a busy day!

What do you talk about first? Perhaps he asks “How was your day?” And you start to tell him!

  • First this happened
  • Then your boss said
  • There was an accident on the express way
  • The copier was broken again and your computer has some stupid virus
  • Plus its month end and all these reports are do!
  • Whew, you tell him how crazy busy your life is

Understand Men: Know What His Red Flags About Women Are

Oh No! That’s when the sirens and buzzers go off in his head. Major red flags about you because its sounds to him like you are…

WAY TOO BUSY TO BE AVAILABLE TO DATE HIM!

 

That’s it – it only takes one thing like this and your chances dissolve under your nose. Even though he might not show it, he sits back more in his chair and relaxes. Not because he feels so at ease with you but because HE NO LONGER CARES.

Like so many men, he gets turned off when a woman opens up about how busy her life is and starts complaining during the very first conversation. It’s just not attractive, no matter how true this is about your life. I’m not saying you can’t talk about your life. But this is a first date right? You want to give him a good impression. You want him to think you’ve got your life together. You want him to think you are happy and easy to be with.

 But when you complain and talk about how busy your life is, what he hears is this:

  • “She has a lot of problems”
  • “Is this really her best?”
  • “She’s going to be hard to get together with”
  • “Ugh, this isn’t fun. I could be watching the game”
  • “She won’t have much time for me”
  • “Will I have to listen to this all the time?”
  • I don’t want to hear this – too bad, she’s really cute”

As a dating coach for women over 40, I want you to  understanding men and how they see you. Knowing how this works changes your dating experience because it puts you in control. In addition, I want you to be as open as possible so you don’t miss any chances of connecting with the right guy for you. This can happen so easily when you have limiting thoughts or attitudes that get in the way of finding love.

So many women are not even aware of
what is getting in their way of finding love

Do you know what might be keeping you from finding the love of your life? My bet is you are not fully in touch with it. You may have inklings. You may think it’s all about how the men today stink. You may think there just aren’t any good men or you don’t know where to find them. I have found in 11 years as a dating coach, the reasons probably go a bit deeper. That’s why I am offering this new, breakthrough program:

find love, date coach, dating coach, meet men, understand men, dating advice, midlife women, date online

Why Can’t I Find Love Group Coaching Program Starts 2/25/13

Why Can’t I Find Love?  

My New 6 Session Group Coaching Program 

Work with me and let’s figure out exactly what is going on so you can find the love you deserve. This powerful program has been carefully designed to help you eliminate any potential blocks to love, start the healing process and then ready yourself for the love you deserve.     

Nicole had a great experience with my workshop and after… 

“Ronnie is wonderful! She broke down my resistance to opening my heart to love and did it in a funny way, so that I could laugh at myself rather than feel bad or condemn myself. I had lot of limiting ideas I didn’t even realize were getting in my way. After her workshop and applying her advice methods, I found my soul mate! Ronnie is positive and encouraging – I would recommend her to any woman looking for love.” 

To get the details and register, click the link Why Can’t I Find Love?

Heartbreak: How Do I Stop Loving a Man Who Is Using Me?

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Heartbreak from an Abusive Relationship

Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I have to tell you about the heartbreak of a relationship I am in and want to get out of.

Three years ago I joined the company I work for. A male colleague started flirting with me soon after. I really like him a lot. At first I thought he felt the same way and I was so happily flirting with him (sms, emails,etc).

I did confess my feelings to him and he said he knew it . But he never ask me out for a date. All he did was ask me to meet up for hugs, kisses and intimacy. I even gave him my first time. He always ask for naked photo shot from me. At first I hesitated, but after that I gave in….

But he told me he is not ready to have a girlfriend and prefers leading a single life. He even told me that he likes me, but not the girlfriend type of like.

After that, my best friend joined the company, he became stranger and ignored me for few months. I was  confused. He even blocked me from messenger. I found out he actually went out with my best friend and I felt so hurt. But I never mentioned this to him. Talk about heartbreak.

I know I’m not suppose to see him anymore. But his sweet talk and flirtations make me give in. I confronted him about my friend, he admitted that he likes her and wanted her as girlfriend and pursued her.

Now I’m still in an underground relationship with him. We never go out for a date or for dinner. He only requests meeting up for s.e.x. What should I do? Deep down I know he’s just using me. but I couldn’t help it. I  tried to ignore him and I became so miserable during that time and I gave in again.

I’m so worried…I do not know how to pull myself out from this kind of relationship. Please help me to not love him…This is such a heartbreak for me

Giving in Again in Gainesville

 

Avoiding More Heartbreak

Dear Giving In,

OMG! This is a terrible heartbreak situation. This man is totally taking advantage of your feelings for him. And you are letting him treat you terribly!

1. First, this is time to work on your self-esteem. You are a woman worthy of real love, not convenient s.e.x with a man who does not love you.

2. He did tell you that you are not his type of girlfriend. Why didn’t you believe him? When a man says you aren’t the one – run the other way! That’s the best way to avoid future heartbreak.

3. Don’t send naked pictures of yourself by phone or Internet! These remain permanently out there in cyber space and can hurt you in the future. This could impact future jobs or relationships. Please protect your privacy.

4. Recognize this awful guy for who he is – a mean, self-serving, cruel and unloving soul who is happy to take advantage of you. But in all fairness, you have allowed it. It is up to you to end this abusive situation. This goes deeper than heartbreak if you ask me.

5. If you want people to treat you right, you must first treat yourself right. Find the self-respect you need to turn your back on this fellow. This relationship is abusive and hurting you deeply. Please  consider working with a therapist who can help you get back on track and value yourself again.

I wish you the strength to get out of this situation and end the heart break. Here are my suggestions as a dating coach:

  • Don’t talk to him.
  • Don’t text, sms, email or call him.
  • Avoid him when you see him and stay away from him.
  • Do not give in one more time – ever!

Real love involves sharing and give and take. This man only takes and gives you nothing. You deserve so much more. Stand up for yourself now so you can find love that is healthy and fulfilling.

The best way to stop loving the wrong man is to start loving yourself first. That is the first step to healing and becoming whole again. Sometimes, things are really that basic.

Photo Credit: WolfSoul

Is He A Player? How Can I Tell?

is he a player

If he wants to meet for drinks, is he a player?

Are you wondering, “Is he a player?” Just thinking about it is not a good sign. Find out what a player really means and how to spot one.

Is He a Player, Seeing Other Women?

“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy a while back for drinks. Prior to the drinks, we knew each other casually. The night went really well and later he texted to say he had a really good time. From then on, we have been texting back and forth and so I have two questions:

1. He asked me out again, but again suggested we meet for drinks. What’s your take on this? I’m not sure how I feel about just going for drinks with him a second time.

2. During our texts, he mentioned he is accompanying SOMEONE to a wedding. While I was a little curious and unsettled by this, I played it cool and made a joke that he has a busy schedule being an escort. He played along, but made no move to explain who he was escorting. What’s your take on this also and should I be worried? Is he a player?

Thank you very much Ronnie”
😀

 

Dear D,

First I wish I knew how long ago you had drinks. You said it was a “while ago”. Sounds like at least a couple of weeks right? He’s been texting you since you saw him and has finally asked you out again.

My take is that he did have fun and he is getting you back into rotation. In other words, this is a man who is likely dating several women. He has kept you interested through texting, but his interest in seeing you is not a top priority or he would never have waited to see you again.

Is this bad? Hard to say. What if he is playing the field to see which woman is right for him? That is what I would recommend to all singles; men and women. You shouldn’t date one person (thinking it means something) until you know him better. You never know who is going to flake out and disappear, so don’t limit your options too early.

That’s why I recommend dating multiple people in the beginning so you can see who offers the best match for you. And who sticks around.

Let’s take a step back and really look at this situation from a bigger viewpoint.

A man who is truly interested in you will probably make a date within a week unless he is traveling for business or going on vacation. Keep in mind that these are also perfect excuses to put you off. Keep your eyes and ears open for more details.

However, let’s take another step back. This is a man you’ve had one date with. No matter who the guy is,  expect that he is seeing other women. That doesn’t automatically make him a player, but someone who is checking out options before choosing one woman. He doesn’t owe you exclusivity. And he doesn’t owe you an explanation about that wedding either.

Teasing Him Was Perfect

You handled that perfectly by the way. Teasing him shows your confidence. Good for you! Keep in mind that he was straight with you and told you about the wedding and that he is seeing other women. He has put it out there for you to know and is not hiding it.

If you have a real interest in this guy, go for drinks! Keep it light. Enjoy yourself. Get to know him better. And then you will see what he does next. If he likes you and wants to know you better, he will ask for a date more quickly this time. What you want to watch for is if he texts you again for weeks before asking you out again. That’s how you can tell he’s not serious about you. And it can be a tip off to the question, “Is he a player?”

Hold Off on Sleeping with Him

Any man who is serious will want to see you sooner rather than later. It is a good indicator of his interest although not the only one. Trouble is, there are men who rush to see you just to get you into bed and then take off for their next conquest. That’s why I also recommend holding off on intimacy to safeguard your heart.

How to Know He Might Be a Keeper

When a woman asks me if he’s a player, I want to know about his consistency. Does he call weekly and not just text? Does he want to see you at least weekly? Does he want to get to know you and ask questions about your life? These can be good signs of a man’s genuine interest.

How to Know if He’s Likely a Player

On the other hand, if he is secretive, runs hot and cold, comes on strong then disappears only to pop back into your life. these are signs of a player. And there are many more. I actually wrote an entire book about called, Is he the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong.

So D, as your dating coach, I hope this has helped you understand something about Mr. Drinks. Asking you out for drinks is not the issue at all. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Date him if you like him and keep your EYES WIDE OPEN. At the same time, look around for other men to date that might be more serious about finding love. That’s the best solution!

Wishing You Love,

is he a player

 

Photo credit: JMaz Photo

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Dating Over 50: Positive Self Talk Helps Build Confidence to Meet Men

Positive Self Talk Helps Build Confidence

Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach,

Here’s one for you. I read your newsletter all the time, wish I could find someone special and go out and have a nice time,. The posted events on your site  look fun. But when you are 55, single, female, unsure of your looks, and must go alone, is it safe, especially the dances? Self talk always talks me out of going. Looking forward to your advice.

Lonely in Louisville

 

Dear Lonely,

1. Your Safety
Regarding safety, singles dances are perfectly safe. Just don’t get into a man’s car who you don’t know or tell anyone where you  live or work. That keeps you on a first name only basis which is relatively anonymous and safe. These are usually well-attended events with big parking lots. You should be fine.

2. Your Looks
If you are unsure of your looks, do something to feel better. Get a new outfit – one that makes you feel sexy. Ask for help from an image consultant to learn what are the best colors and styles to flatter you. Change your hair or get a makeover. Exercise more often. All of these suggestions build confidence in your looks.

3. Your Self Talk
As for talking yourself out of what you want, I know how that can be. It really stinks and keeps you stuck. It makes it feel like you will never find your way out of being single.

But here’s the good news – you can turn that self talk around with a little practice. Your ego is just trying to keep you safe. That’s its job. Yet, it will never let you try something new which will keep you from moving forward. What’s the way out – find a new self talk speech!

So when you start to talk yourself out of going out to meet men, try this:

  • I can go to a singles dance by myself.
  • If I hate it, I only have to stay for one hour.
  • I can leave, so I will be safe.
  • I can hang in there for one hour.
  • It’s just one hour. anybody could stay for an hour.  What could happen in an hour?
  • I could build confidence.
  • I could practice being friendly.
  • I could survive to try again.
  • I could meet nice new single women friends.
  • I could dance with some men.
  • I could talk to a nice guy.
  • I could practice my flirting.
  • I could get more comfortable.
  • I could see that I am capable.
  • I could discover that its not that bad.
  • I could find parts of being there that I enjoy.
  • I could have a man ask me to dance.
  • I could meet a man who wants my number.
  • I could meet a man who makes me laugh.
  • I could have fun.I could want to go again.

All of these statements are possible.

Not only that but they are self talk of a new kind for you. Encouraging, positive, supportive, helpful. And guess what – you get to decide what you want to think about. Yes it is your choice.

And even if your ego keeps interrupting this new positive way of thinking, interrupt it right back with more statements about the good things that are possible when you step beyond your comfort zone.

4. Your Comfort Zone
Nothing will happen when you are safe in your comfort zone. But when you take calculated social risks, even one step at a time, you will gain confidence, strength, and the skills to reach out and meet new people. This is your reward. There are men who have been longing to meet a woman just like you. But you have to meet them half way because they won’t come knocking at your door.
Nope. You have to go out and mingle so they can find you.

 Will you help those men find you? When you look at it this way, does it make you wonder what you could possibly be waiting for? I sure hope so because this is the truth.

So. stop getting in your own way. Use the positive self talk to be supportive of yourself and get out there to find the love you want and deserve.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

Dating After Divorce: Why a Few Dates Does Not Equal a Relationship

The difference between dating and being in a relationship

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I got divorced 2 years ago, but I had not given up on love. However, recently I have. I take care of myself and  have lost over 65 pounds and I exercise regularly now. I am a working professional. But a series of about 8 bad, shallow relationships has left me thinking that there are no good men out there my age without a whole lot of baggage who are capable of anything except a relationship just to get sex…at least I have not found one…Do you have any advice?

Sad in San Antonio

Dear Sad,

Sorry to hear about your experiences and that you have given up. You didn’t tell me your age, but I can tell you there are good men at any age. Of course, as you get into your 70’s and 80’s, there are fewer men for sure. But that still doesn’t mean you can’t find one.

Your comment leaves me wondering if you are being selective enough and if you know the signs of a player. Yes, there are plenty of men who don’t want to get into relationship. But still, some do. To discover the difference takes time and objective observation.

If you decide to try again, my suggestion is not to believe anything a man says, but to watch if his actions match his words. Then you have a better chance of finding what you want. Pretty words are shallow, but follow through means everything with a man. However, I’m not suggesting that you should not trust men. I’m just suggesting that you don’t take a man purely at face value from the moment you meet him.

My last comment is to make a very important distinction. Here it is – dating is not the same as being in a relationship although many women do confuse the two. Just because you are seeing someone, doesn’t mean you are in a relationship. Dating is about getting to know someone to see if you want to be in a relationship. When women are dating after divorce (and some men too), this gets confusing.

“Going on four dates with a man is not the same as being in a relationship.”

Now, I have no idea how your relationships went, but if you have 4-6 dates with a man, and I say this gently with care, that is not being in a relationship. That is the get-to-know you period where you decide if the man is right for you and he decides if you are right for him. Understanding this, especially when dating after divorce can take a lot of pressure off both genders during the dating process.

As a dating coach, I of course hope you try again. Love is real. Love is possible. Love can be your destiny. The journey to find love is a journey of self-discovery in which you learn about your self, what works, what you want and if those two things are the same.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

The Truth about “Quality Men” Who Are Single in Midlife

What's Your Criteria for a Quality Man?

As you can imagine, I talk to a lot of single women. The number one question they ask is, “Where can I meet a quality man?”

I know exactly what they are talking about. Most women want a man of substance. He has a good look, a good heart and a good income. I hear how they want a man who is their equal regarding the success and accomplishments they have achieved. I get it.

When I was in my 30’s and single, this is just what I wanted too. I wanted a:

  • Business man (like me)
  • Who maybe has an MBA (like me) 
  • Who is ambitious and works hard
  • Who makes a 6 figure income (like I was working towards)
  • Who has traveled some (like me) 
  • Who is planning for his future (like me)
  • Who is social (like me)
  • Who has good values (like me)
  • Who is strong emotionally (like me)
  • Who likes to try new things (like me)
  • Who is very smart (like me)
  • Who is quick to figure things out (like me)

You get the picture. I wanted the male version of myself. To me, that would be the ideal match. Do these characteristics describe the “Quality Man” you seek?

Let’s look at that a little deeper…Would these qualities have been a good for me or you? And, are there other qualities that might work as well or even better? Now there’s a really good question for every single woman who has made up her mind about exactly what she wants in a man.

How do you know what you want in a partner is the right thing for you ?

Does the man I described have any drawbacks? Uh – yeah. An ambitious business man making six figures puts in a lot of hours. He has business on his mind a lot. He takes calls any time and responds to emails immediately. He might travel and have things pop up that ruin your plans. His #1 priority is his job – and most likely not you.

Not only that but busy business men who make a lot of money have their own criteria don’t they? What do they want in a partner and does that describe you? Think about age, height, weight, looks, ability to fit into his schedule, etc.

So, what are some other characteristics that would make a good partner for you? Think about these traits:

  • Loving
  • Emotionally available
  • Supportive
  • Caring
  • Thoughtful
  • Romantic
  • Responsive
  • Loyal
  • Healthy
  • Financially responsible
  • Relationship ready

Yeah – those are some pretty important traits if you want to enjoy a lasting, loving relationship.

Now I don’t have anything against successful men who earn a good income. That would be silly. All I want to point out as your dating coach is that there are many other personality elements that go into a quality man. And that’s the truth about “Quality Men”.

When you get past the superficial, you can see that its not only what a man does for a living or how tall he is or if he has all his hair, or even if he has a college education that matters most for your happiness. None of these things guarantee that he’ll treat you right or respect you.

-Have you ever known someone with an advanced degree who was an idiot and had no common sense?
-Have you ever known a good looking man who was a playboy type or worse, a cheater?
-Have you ever known a wealthy man who was stingy and cheap?
-Have you ever met a successful guy who seems like a great catch but wasn’t emotionally available?
-Have you ever dated a guy who seemed like a quality man on paper but was a real jerk?

See, the truth about “Quality Men” is that beyond success and looks, they need to be quality human beings. Men with scruples, the capacity to love, remain loyal and think about someone other than themselves.

I hope I’ve got you thinking now.

Trust me as your dating coach – when you expand your criteria of what constitutes a “Quality Man”, you’ll have a much better chance of finding one.

 

Photo credit: Dieselbug2007

 

 

Turnoffs for Guys in 3 Easy Steps – Part 3 – Convenient

Don’t Make Assumptions with Online Dating for Convenience

This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on dating blunders that often push or scare men away. Here’s the last Turnoff for guys post in this series about Online Dating Mistakes.

Turnoff #3

You’ve gotten past email and the telephone hurdles. Now you are ready to meet him! You agreed to meet at a nice restaurant with a great bar for a drink after work. It’s a Thursday night at 7pm. You had to work late. The kids are all set and you’ve decided to make a night of it. What the heck, you’re already out right?

Wow, you are hungry. Might as well grab some dinner too right? Kill two birds with one stone. Convenient, efficient and fills your evening nicely. You hope he’s nice enough so you can get through the evening and you assume that he’ll be up for it without giving it a second thought.

There it is – the problem – you didn’t give your scenario a second thought. Its good with you. Its convenient. So what’s’ the problem?

1. You don’t know this guy at all
You might not like him and he might not like you. But you are creating an entire evening including dinner and a quick drink to see if there is enough chemistry for a real first real date. Because this meeting is not really a date – its called “date zero” because its really just a get to know you date. If you pass the chemistry test for each other, then maybe he’ll ask you out on a first date.

Strategy: Don’t assume your decisions will be OK with the guy you are meeting. You do not know him at all and cannot make any assumptions about what he thinks or what will be OK with him. Talk about turnoffs for guys! You’ll have to see how things go, so stop making plans beyond the one you have.

2. You might be hungry but that is your problem, not his
If you are hungry, get something to eat before you arrive. Or plan to get something on your own or with a friend after. But do not assume you can turn a coffee or drink date into dinner. This creates unnecessary pressure and can be counted as one of the turnoffs for guys for a number of reasons:

– He might not have enough money for dinner or appetizers
– He hasn’t decided if he likes you enough to buy you a meal and he wants it to be his decision
– He’s the kind of guy who expects to pay, but now this is awkward -you’ve put him in a tough spot
– If you offer to pay for yourself – that can turn him off too
– You are making your date about taking care of your bodily needs, not getting to know him
– You’re letting him know “its all about you” even if its not really true

Strategy: Everything you do sends a message about you. Don’t assume he’ll be hungry or that its not a big deal. It is a big deal because your assumption puts him on the spot and makes him uncomfortable. Since men choose women who make them feel good, you just flunked your first test and probably wont’ get another try.

3. You want to make a night of it
The best first meeting is a short one. Do not try to make a night of it just because you have a babysitter. This is a mistake that women make often and while it can work out, its much better to keep it short. After all, you might not even like each other.Or worse he might be boring, have bad manners, be a player etc. Refer back to #1 – you don’t know him so don’t plan to make a night of it because it fits into YOUR calendar and needs.

Strategy: Have some conversation, get to know him a bit, then excuse yourself and leave. The perfect date is 60-90-minutes long. Leave him wanting more! You want him to be thinking about you, wondering what makes you tick. And that won’t happen if you have a long first date leaving little to the imagination. Don’t do it even if he wants more.

Recommendation
: If you are hungry, please eat before you go. Even if you have to grab a protein bar or eat fast food, do it. Do not put your new guy in the position of having to pick up the check for your meal or split it because its more convenient for you. And don’t make him wish the night would end because you want to drag things out

Think about your actions from a man’s perspective to know if something really won’t be a big deal. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. A gentleman will want to pick up the check. Even for a man of means, if every woman turned every first date into dinner, that would rack up a hefty Visa bill wouldn’t it?

Your first date is not about what’s convenient for you – its about getting to know a man to see if you want to see him again and visa versa.

As your dating coach, I hope you can now see how seemingly little decisions on your part can cause you to push a man away. If these scenarios apply to you, please heed the advice so you can start getting better results with online dating.

 

Photo Credit: Great Beyond

Are You Committed or Interested in Finding Love?

Finding Love Out on a Limb

As a dating coach, I sometimes get coaching from other coaches. I learn a lot that way. And one thing I learned recently that made a big impression is from Fabienne Fredrickson. She pointed out what I can now see as a glaring truth. I hope you see it this way too. No matter how you apply this concept – from dating, to business, to weight loss, to whatever goal you have, it seems to be true.

Here is what she said with my paraphrasing:

When you are committed to your goal, you do whatever it takes to make it happen. However, when you are interested in your goal, you do whatever is convenient.

Wow, I’m not sure what you think about that, but I am so struck by its truth. Let me explain how this applies to dating as your dating coach for women over 40. When you are committed, you will push yourself. You will try new ways to meet men. You will go to new groups. You will get out there on a regular basis to mingle with the opposite sex.

On the other hand, when you are interested in finding love, you will do what is convenient. So if you are tired, you won’t keep your commitment to go out. You won’t stretch past your comfort zone to try new things. You’ll allow yourself to have excuses why you can’t follow through or don’t really have to. And chances are strong that you will not find the love you want.

All goals that you want to manifest, require commitment to achieve them. That’s just the way life works. Dating and finding love are absolutely no different.

So which one are you? Committed to do whatever it takes to find love with an amazing man? Or are you interested and willing to do only what is convenient? What is comfortable and familiar?

Now, if what you are doing right now is working – that’s great! But if what you are doing currently is not producing the results you want, and you keep doing only that – what are the chances that it will suddenly work and bring you the love you want?

I’m not chastising you or giving you a hard time. I’m just hoping to shake things up for you. Because when you get committed and stretch to try new things – then you will do what it takes to make finding love a reality for yourself. And that is exactly what I want for you.

Love is not likely to be found in your comfort zone. It’s like Shirley MacClaine says – the sweetest fruit is out on a limb. Reach for it and enjoy it.

So to Fabienne and Shirley – thank you for pushing us, cheering us on and encouraging us to get committed to doing whatever it takes to get what we want.

 

Photo Credit: WhiteCat sg

Top 10 Reasons Why Online Dating Is Your Next Step to Find Love

Too Timid to Try Online Dating? Here Are 10 Big Reasons to Get Over it Now!

1. Over 40 million people are online in the US.Online dating tips

That’s a boat load of single people! And I can’t help but know that somewhere in all those millions, there’s a good match for you. Really, just let the sheer volume sink into your noggin. Dating is a numbers game and this is how you can hit the lottery of love.

2.Online dating is totally mainstream today.

Every where you turn, you can read about online dating. It’s in the Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, USA Today, The Huffington Post, and the big TV networks. It’s so prevalent in our society scientists are studying and reporting on it. That means its not just for lonely hearts and desperate people but for anyone looking for love.

3. It doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.

Match.com is about $120 for six months. What else can you do for that price? Not much. Stay away from sites that don’t let you browse first before paying. You might have to fill out a profile to browse, but usually you won’t have to pay. When you want to start meeting people, then you’ll have to pay.

4. You can get started really fast.

Write your profile, post a few pictures and usually within 24 hours you’ll be approved and ready to go. Wahoo – it doesn’t need to take a lot of time unless you are a perfectionist abut your profile. My advice – post something now and fix it later.

5. Men over 40, and especially over 50 are online!

Women dating over 40 complain they can’t find single men. But I know where they are – online! The older men get, the more they are online. In fact, 50+ is the fastest growing segment. Men over 50 tend to be less social and they enjoy the “privacy” of being online.

6. Statistically, 20% of all relationships and 12% of marriages now start online.

If you get online now, you can join the millions of happy couples who already found each other this way. Wouldn’t you like to be a part of the success story? I know a Justice of the Peace who told me so many of her clients met online that she had to try it herself!

7. It’s an adventure!

If your life has become steady as she goes, with very little new happening, then online dating will shake things up! Break free from your inhibitions which are limiting your chances of finding love and get started right now.

8. There are no more scammers or crazy people online then any where else.

Online dating is so commonplace that the chances of you meeting “bad men” are no better there than at a bar or a friend’s party. Seriously, this is true. Are there unsavory types online? Yes, a few. But the vast majority are regular people like you looking for love or companionship.

9. What else are you doing to find love?

The more women I coach, the more who tell me they deeply desire love. Yet, they do absolutely nothing to meet men! You can meet a man for coffee, a milkshake, a glass of wine or a beer at a cafe or  bookstore in just a couple of days if you get started right now. Stop dragging your feet woman and do something!

10. Dating experts are ready to help you find love online – like me!

I can help you write an online profile, provide feedback on what you’ve already done, explain what to expect, etc. I’ll coach you through the process OR you can try my new home study course How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online. Everything you need to know is in there to write a profile that will get you noticed,  take the best photos, flirt in your emails, what to look for and watch out for as well.  Get your Home Study Kit now and get online this weekend!

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

 

Finding Love at the Airport – Magic Can Happen Anywhere!

Finding Love at the Airport

This is a great love story showing you that you really can find love any where when your heart, mind and eyes are open.

I just came back from a trip to Florida, helping my parents move. I’m very lucky when I travel and meet the most interesting people. The driver who took me to the airport  asked me what I do for a living and I told him I am a Dating Coach for women over 40. He was extremely curious and asked what are the biggest dating mistakes people make. I shared my insights.

Then he asked me how I met my husband. I told him my story, how I had dated 30 men in 15 months to meet my husband – number 30! The driver expressed his amazement at my story. Then I asked how he met his wife and he replied, “You’re going to love this story!”

On the fateful day Brent met his wife, he arrived at the airport at 4:30am to meet a plane from Brazil. It just so happened his friend Joe, who is also a driver, was there for a passenger on the same plane.

Joe, was nervously pacing, waiting for his passenger to deplane. He had two jobs back to back and was worried he’d never make it to his next appointment on time. Brent told him to cut it out. Worrying wasn’t going to make it better. Brent suggested that instead of pacing and looking down, he should enjoy the attractive Brazilian women who were coming off the plane.

One woman in particular caught Joe’s eye. She was rolling a cart with way too much luggage perched precariously. He joked with Brent that he wished she’d roll by him and drop a suitcase on his foot so he could flirt with her. Brent said its 4:30 in the morning and flirting was the last thing on my mind.

Next thing you know, the Brazilian woman walks toward Brent and sure enough a suitcase drops from her cart, not quite on his foot, but close enough that he could fake it. He started hopping around acting like he was in pain. The woman immediately starting talking rapidly in Portuguese which neither man understand. Then she switched to Spanish. Being from South Florida, Brent had picked up enough Spanish to understand most of what she said.

Turns out Bianca was here on a 6 month visa to learn English as her fourth language. She gave Brent her number asking him to please call her so she could buy him a cup of coffee to make up for dropping her luggage on his foot. She suggested he wait a few days to give her a call, so she could get settled in. After she left, Joe was mad saying that was supposed to have happened to him!

Brent was psyched to say the least.  Two days later he looked for the number and couldn’t find it! He drive himself crazy trying to figure out what he had done with her number, but after a couple of days, gave up with great disappointment.

Three weeks later a friend called, inviting Brent to a casual weekend picnic. He thought nothing of it until he arrived. There was Bianca! His friend and the party’s host was from Brazil and somehow Bianca had found her way there. Brent told me she asked why he never called and gave him a hard time. Then, it was like they knew each other forever and he claims they fell in love that night. It was just mean to be!

They married within four months and have been together now for over 10 years!

As I share with all my dating coaching clients, when you open your eyes, your heart and your mind, you can literally find love anywhere. It could be two people meeting by chance, a blind, date, a party, a Meetup, at the grocery store or bank, at the cleaners or dog park. Men are every where, even at the airport.

Next time you fly, look up from your book or texting. Smile and connect with the men around you. You absolutely never know who you might meet or who that person might know.

 

Photo credit: Cory Dalus

I Want to Spend More Time Together, But He’s Too Busy to See Me

He's Too Busy to See Me

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

“I’m in my late 40s and have been dating Norman for two years. He’s been married before as I have and we both have grown up families who live in our respective towns. Norman has been single for a long time, and although he’s lived with a few women since his divorce, it’s never been full time. He’s always had his own place.

We live 100 miles apart, and most of the time we’ve been together he’s been out of work and had very little money. So I traveled to see him every weekend and we got along really well. He treated me wonderfully during that time, and he always said that he missed me and was very happy to see me. I only went up for weekends though as I didn’t want to appear to make it too easy for him. He always says he loves me, and he calls every day to talk.

However Norman led me to believe that when he started working again, we would spend more time together. He said that he wanted to see more of me and for our relationship to progress. However, now he’s back at work and it doesn’t appear to be happening, although it’s only been a month. His work is halfway between my place and his, but so far he’s choosing to go back to his place in after work and only visiting one day of the weekend. He’s too busy to see me.

What’s driving me crazy is how Norman tells me he’s definitely coming down during the week, which changes to probably, then  – ‘Sorry I have to go into work!’ I know that he’s busy and they often expect him to do last minute shifts, but I’m still feeling angry and let down by his behavior.

I know that Norman likes to see his family and friends and I have never moaned about him not coming down or put any pressure on him in any way. I keep myself busy usually, but this on/off thing is getting to me. In my mind if he wanted to be with me he would. But, a little part of me is worried that I am expecting too much too soon. I don’t know what to do. I’m beginning to feel used and it’s not a feeling I like!”

–Left Alone in London

Dear Left Alone,

This can be one of the toughest challenges for a woman dating over 40 (or any time), when her man says one thing and does another.  But let’s look at this situation closely to see if we can unravel things and read between the lines.

  1. He’s been single a long time
  2. He hasn’t lived with a woman full-time since his marriage
  3. He had the excuse that he wasn’t working
  4. He now has the excuse that he IS working
  5. He is keeping you separate, not inviting you to spend time with his friends/family
  6. He doesn’t want to see you both weekend nights

Unfortunately the message is clear to this dating coach – he doesn’t want to see you often. Norman is giving you crumbs. The problem is, we don’t know why.

Here’s the cold truth, we really don’t need to know why. What matters  most is that this is not what you want in a relationship. You are right! After two years, if Norman truly wanted a closer relationship, you’d be having one. His words and actions do not match up and in fact, according to what you have written, he is seeing you even less than before.

Some possible reasons maybe (but these are guesses):

  • He doesn’t have the same agenda or needs regarding relationship and closeness as you do.
  • He doesn’t ever want a woman to cramp his style again.
  • He is seeing other women…

 
He may love you , but that doesn’t mean he wants what you want. You may never be happy or satisfied with the level of intimacy he is willing to share.

But YOU ARE NOT ASKING TOO MUCH to want to see him on a regular basis and with greater frequency! In a relationship that is healthy, loving, and progressing, both people want that.

Norman seems to be heading in the opposite direction.

As a dating coach for women dating over 40, my advice is to have a conversation with him. Find a way to stay calm. Prepare what you are going to say in advance and practice it if that helps. Your emotional balance is key.

Then say something like this:

“Norman, you know how I feel about you. But as things stand right now, I am not happy. What works for me in a relationship is to see each other regularly and spend the weekends together as well. I understand you want to see friends and family, but it’s time that we can do some of that together.”

Then stop talking. Allow the uncomfortable silence so that he will say something. This will be the start of a crucial conversation. He may be defensive and throw you a lot of excuses. But if he wants to keep seeing you, he will want to alleviate some of your unhappiness. Not just in words, but in actions. In spending more time with you!

If he says all the right things, then be specific with what you want him to do. “I want to see you one night during the week and both weekend nights” – or whatever it is you want. Tell him you want him to stay at your house one night during the week – if that’s something you want. Don’t make your list too long and stick to this subject matter only. Don’t bring up other possible issues during this conversation.

Give Norman two weeks to show you he can step up. If in that time, he continues to say nice things, but not follow through – you have your answer. He unfortunately, regardless of his reasons, is not the right man for you.

This is a step towards an honest, open relationship which may not be what he wants. However, it seems that it is what you want. I just want you to be forewarned that my advice could shake things up, so be clear on that before taking this next step.

It might be difficult, but wouldn’t you rather know than spend more time hoping things will turn around?

While you have invested two years in this relationship, I want you to know there are men out there who will want to spend time with you. Men who are looking for the same type of relationship that you are.

I wish you all the best, and of course I hope Norman turns around. But he might not and that is the risk you take. A risk to find the loving, healthy, reciprocal relationship that you desire and deserve. Maybe with him, or maybe with a new and better man for you.

 

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

 

Photo Credit: ToniVC