Author Archives: Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating a Separated Man Makes Getting a Commitment Harder

Are you dating a separated man? That’s one of the toughest relationship situations. Here’s why his unfinished divorce is a huge problem that can keep you single and make it so much harder to get a commitment from him.

dating a separated manThe Trauma of Dating a Separated Man

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I’ve been seeing this guy for six months now and I really like him. He’s the perfect guy for me in so many ways. He’s smart, good looking, has a great job, and we have so much in common. The problem is he’s super busy. He gets pulled in different directions by his job, his kids, his ex, his friends, etc. so I don’t get to see him that often.

His divorce won’t be finalized for several more months and that takes up a lot of his time too. He did tell me from the start that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. But we met and it just happened. Do you think I’m just a rebound girlfriend for him? I don’t know what to do and how to make this guy mine.

I”m torn because I feel like I shouldn’t wait around for him. We planned a vacation for this summer and I’m wondering if it will even happen and it I should just back out now. Please help me understand what is happening and what I should do.

Thanks,
Pauline

 

Hi Pauline,

I know this is hard to hear but the truth is this man is not capable of being in a relationship right now. He has way too much on his plate and he hasn’t had time to heal from the end of his marriage.

Even if he is the perfect man for you, he’s not in a position to be your dream guy. He cannot deliver which is true any time you are dating a separated man. Occasionally the timing is off and there’s nothing that can be done about it besides accepting the fact. I think you can already see this is true.

Don’t Hold Out for Miracles

If a miracle happens and he gets out from under all the things pulling on him, finishes his divorce and wants to see you – great. That would be amazing, especially if you are still on the market. Because you are so right – you cannot wait for him.

There’s a long time between now and July to take that vacation. Please don’t wait for him – that will waste too much of your precious time. Think about your happiness right now and the quality of your relationship as it is currently. In this moment, this relationship is not meeting your needs.

Don’t Put the Right Relationship on Hold for Him

Too many women wait for a guy to change and feel miserable the entire time. That’s a terrible waste and a treacherous  emotional roller coaster. Waiting around for a man’s life to resolve, hoping things will be different – these are ways women kid themselves about staying with a man who isn’t relationship ready.

In my dating coaching practice I see women suffer over and over again when dating a separated man. It always leads to heartbreak and doesn’t end well.

Compatibility Requires More than Attraction

Having things in common, being sweet, chemistry and attraction; these are great qualities for a mate, but not enough for love that lasts. Compatibility is a top priority for lasting love and a man who is not on solid ground is not ready for commitment. This makes him incompatible as your life stages are not in sync.

That’s what makes this type of relationship situation so tough. Even though he seems like your ideal mate, he’s not in the right place. He’s not emotionally available with so much unsettled in his life.

What Can You Do about Dating a Separated Man?

The best thing you can do is walk away and leave the door open. Tell him you like him a lot but are moving on with your life. Suggest that when his divorce is final he should contact you if he’s ready for a committed relationship. This way he knows you are reacting to his crazy life, instead of rejecting him personally.

I hope you’ll be wise, choose to move on and date other men. You may never see him again, but are giving yourself the best chance of finding the love you want with a man who is relationship ready. It’s not easy, but it’s really your only sensible choice if you’re serious about finding love.

Wishing you love,

dating a separated man

Law of Attraction: What Do You Admire about Men?

If you’re having trouble meeting quality men this is a really touch question to ask yourself but very worthwhile.

How Do You Feel about Men?

If you can say you know men you admire – good for you! That’s an excellent sign that you heart is open to men and you probably meet men who appeal to you. When you admire men, you appreciate who they are and see the good in them.

On the other hand, when you have contempt for men, you see their flaws as giant. Often a man’s flaws overshadow any potential good which makes it hard to open your heart to them. When you look down at men and think they are beneath you, those are the men you will attract.

I know this sounds a little black and white and maybe even harsh but there a lot of truth in this bold statement.

Now I know you’ve probably had a few bad experiences with men. OK maybe even more than your fair share. So it’s understandable how you got into this spot. If you’ve been hurt and disappointed time after time, coming to expect poor behavior makes sense. I get it.

Trouble is, when you expect poor treatment and substandard men, those are the kind of men you are most likely to continue interacting with. This is a result of the Law of Attract, part of the Universal Law of Vibration and one of the 7 Universal Principles.

As the Law of Vibration states, everything is made of moving energy – hence vibration. And the Law of Attraction states “Like Attract Like”. So that means when you vibrate at the level of believing that all men are scum and will treat you poorly, you are focused only on these types of guys. And that focus sets up a beacon for attraction – to attract more of that similar vibration.

It becomes a very sad, self-defeating prophecy about all future men. Mostly because that is what you expect. So this becomes a viscous circle that feeds upon itself and grows. When women are bitter about men, this is likely what is behind the feelings.

How Can I Change My Contempt for Men?

If you want to change the way you think about men and start to find quality men, you have to believe they exist. What will help is gathering positive evidence that good men are still available. How can you convince yourself of this when you never meet decent men and don’t really know any?

Let’s take baby steps. Tiny little steps are the best way to overcome a long-term belief that has gotten in your way. Try one exercise at time until you start to have success with it before moving on to the next.

1. Men You Know. Think of your friends or family members who might be in relationship or married to a decent guy. Now write the men’s names down and under each one think of one good thing about the guy. If you have more great! Write down all the good things but know it’s fine to start with only one. Feel free to add good qualities as you think of them for these men.

2. Smile at 1- 3 Men Daily. Make it a practice to start smiling at men or saying, “Good morning”. This moves you into a mindset where you’re willing to be friendly and connect. Don’t worry about leading men on or owing them anything just because you smiled at them. This exercise calls for very brief encounters. Just a smile or a hello is all you need to do.

Do this for seven days straight with no exceptions. Go for 21 days if you can commit to that for maximum impact. This exercise shifts the energy you put out into the Universe about men. I guarantee you will notice a difference at the end of seven days and 21 days of this new behavior will change your life permanently.

3. Find What Is Good about Men. The next step is to imagine what is good about the men you smile at. Ask yourself why his wife or girlfriend loves him. What qualities could he have that you would admire as well? The exercise puts you in the mindset of looking for something good and expecting to find it.

This is how you get the Law of Attraction to work on the positive end of the spectrum about men. When you start to look for the good in men you will start to attract good men. It’s really quite amazing how this works.

Challenge yourself to shift your view of men. You can absolutely go from having disdain and contempt to seeing the good in men and then meeting quality men worth dating. If you want to find lasting love and are willing to do these exercises – you will find the right man.

Women fall in love every day. You deserve the love of a quality man. And when you can see that good men exist – you are on the right path to get there!

 

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If He Texts Me Everyday Does He Like Me? Understanding Men

This question, “If he texts me everyday does he like me?” plagues many single women. Learn how to read between the lines of how men think to get help understanding men.

If he texts me everyday he must like meIt’s a Good Sign If He Texts  Often Right?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I have a male friend who was talking to his guy friend and  I came up in conversation. Apparently I sounded interesting so the friend started texting me. We’ve been talking for about a week and a half now, and he has made no move to try and hang out with me.

He’s had several opportunities, and even though he sounds extremely interested, he always has an excuse why he can’t go. We talk for hours and have talked about very real and deep subjects. He’s very intelligent and kind, but I’ve been told he’s kind of awkward with girls. We see each other sometimes in passing, but we have never had a real face-to-face conversation.

If he texts me everyday does he like me? Should I continue to pursue him and ask him out? Or should I just let him go. I know we are both interested in each other, and we seem to have a lot in common and a similar sense of humor. I’m just wondering why he isn’t making time to hang out with me.

Thanks for Your Insights,
Amy”

 

Dear Amy,

Sorry to say, you might be waiting a long time with this guy for several reasons. Many women mistake a man’s frequent communication for genuine interest. When you ask, “If he texts me everyday does he like me?” that’s your tip off something isn’t going right.

1.He Told You He’s Awkward with Girls.
That’s a HUGE excuse to keep you at arm’s length. This is your biggest clue he doesn’t want to date. He’s more comfortable virtually. Think about it objectively so you can see what nonsense that is. How could a guy talk about deep subjects and at the same time be awkward with girls? That’s a man’s way of saying he doesn’t want a relationship.

2. He Makes Excuses Why He Can’t See You.
More excuses! A man who is genuinely interested doesn’t make excuses – he MAKES AN EFFORT to see you and win you over. He’s definitely not doing that so it’s time to move on.

3. You’re a Sure Thing But He Hasn’t Asked You Out.
If this was about shyness, you’ve already shown interest in him. Let’s see, hours on the phone – check. Loads of texting – check. Giving him opportunities to get together – check. But he hasn’t made a move right? That’s your clear signal HE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE.

4. You’ve Passed Each Other But Still No Conversation.
This is yet another obvious sign this guy doesn’t want to see more of you. If he was interested, wouldn’t he want to stop and chat? Wouldn’t he want to talk in person? Wouldn’t he want to gaze into your beautiful eyes?

Don’t Take This Personally

There are so many reasons why he might not want to date you or any woman such as:

  • He might prefer virtual relationships with no expectations and no strings attached.
  • He doesn’t have to pay for dinner or leave the comfort of his home.
  • He may have “performance issues” in the bedroom.
  • He might not be emotionally available even though he can talk a blue streak about deep topics.
  • He just wants an ego boost.
  • He craves female attention.
  • Talking with you makes him feel macho and desired.
  • He enjoys talking with you but doesn’t want to get involved.

The Hard Part about Understanding Men

You are not the only woman asking me, “If he texts everyday does he like me?” So let me be very direct. Texting, long phone conversations, Facetime, social media – none of these prove a man’s interest. Each one of these options doesn’t require a guy to put himself out or win you over.

He’s NOT DOING ANYTHING but talking and when it comes to love TALK IS CHEAP and MEANINGLESS.

Never take virtual conversation without dates to have meaning. Or interpret his time with you as his genuine interest. Chances are he’s actually proving he loves the sound of his own voice or gets a kick out of texting. He might be bored at home and you fill his time nicely. That has nothing to do with his feelings for you.

Learn How to Identify a Man’s Interest

So if conversation isn’t the proof you need what is? Pay attention to what a man does to win you over!

  • How often does he take you on a date? If its not at least once a week, he’s not serious about you.
  • Does he ask about you and try to get to know you?
  • Does he find out what you like and take you to those places?
  • Does he call within in three or four days after a date to stay in touch? (Texting only doesn’t count)
  • Does he plan the date and treat you?
  • Does he make time in his busy schedule to see you?
  • Does he keep his promises and follow through on what he says?

These are some of the ways to identify a man’s genuine interest. It’s about THE ACTION HE TAKES NOT WHAT HE SAYS. Some offer compliments like how beautiful you look or buy flowers, but not all men do.

Your guy has taken NONE of these important steps so stop letting him WASTE YOUR TIME. Since he hasn’t asked you out after that much communication and 10 days, HE NEVER WILL. HE HAS NO INTENTION OF DATING YOU.

Don’t Pursue Men

My last point relates to your question about, “Should you pursue him?” My answer to that question is always a giant NO. I tell my clients to never pursue men. Instead, let men pursue you because that is the only way you will ever know if he is showing genuine interest.

When you pursue and ask him out – he may say yes and go, but that doesn’t mean he’s seriously interested. It could mean he’s bored and you’ll fill the time. Or that he thinks he’s going to get lucky since you pursued him, etc.

Read this post on the Ballroom Theory of Dating to better understand men and dating gender roles which still persist.

So, the final answer to your question, “If he texts me everyday does he like me?” is no. This guy is not serious about you and he will waste your time for as long as you wait around for him to ask you out.

My advice is don’t let him waste your time. Cut him off. Stop texting and stop responding. Stop waiting for his nightly calls. Go out to meet new men because if you want true love, this guy is not the one.

Wishing You Love,

if he texts me everyday does he like me

 

If you want to learn more of the signs that a man is wasting your time, get my Amazon bestseller Is He The One? Find Mr. Right By Spotting Mr. Wrong

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Why Did He Lose Interest So Fast? Understanding Men

Why did he lose interest so fast? This is a common and painful question women over 40 ask as they look for love. Here are some answers to help you with understanding men.

Why did he lose interest so fastHow Did He Lose Interest After the First Date?

Hi Dating Coach Ronnie!

So I met a guy online through an online dating app. We hit it off immediately and before we had even met he was making plans with me to go out and do things. We would video chat, talk on the phone, and text constantly. We had our first date a week ago (Thursday) which I feel went pretty well.

Like I said, we had so many plans and throughout our date he was talking about them constantly. It has now been a week since our date and he contacts me almost daily but its nothing like what it used to be. We don’t talk on the phone anymore and we hardly ever text, when we do he will simply stop replying after a while.

I haven’t really initiated contact with him, maybe once or twice, but just to say hi. I am just wondering if you think he has lost interest in me, seeing as how he doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as he used to. What is your opinion? I’m trying not to worry about it but I really enjoyed my time with him and was looking forward to the plans we had made.

Thanks,
Laurie

 

Dear Laurie,

Dating can be fun and exciting and also highly disappointing. That’s why I work so hard to help my clients spot the signs of a man who is likely to waste your time. Learning about the red flags will keep you from putting your hopes on the wrong guys and keep you free to find the right man for you.

There are many possible answers to your question, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” I’ve provided 10 below but please don’t be put off by any of them. I will explain why in the next section.

His Own Reasons

  1. He wasn’t looking for more than one date
  2. He had a good time but wants to see who else is out there
  3. He’s just playing the field
  4. He wants female attention but doesn’t really want to get into relationship
  5. He needed an ego boost
  6. He doesn’t know what he wants

Men and women have many reasons to go out, meet new people and date. But often it has nothing to do with getting into a serious relationship. Some singles go on many first dates because they are looking for a certain type of person. Or they just want to an ego boost to build confidence. Sometimes people aren’t ready for anything serious but they enjoy meeting new people. You get the idea – it isn’t always about lasting love.

His Reasons about You

  1. You reminded him of a past lover so he moved on
  2. He didn’t find you as attractive in person
  3. You just weren’t the woman he’s looking for
  4. He didn’t have as much fun as you did

As a single woman, you know you aren’t going to please every man, just like every date won’t work for you either. Yes you are looking for that special someone and most people will not be a match. But that is a part of dating and to be expected. So even though it seemed like you both had a good time, maybe he was looking for something else. Truth be told you can have a good time but still not want a second date.

So don’t take it personally when you get rejected after just one date. I’ve listed 10 possible reasons but you can imagine how many more are could apply. The main point when you ask “Why did he lose interest so fast?” is that we need to define how interested he really was in the first place.

Texting and Talking by Phone Are Not True Signs of Interest

That’s why I recommend not communicating a lot prior to meeting. I tell my clients to avoid long phone calls, constant texting and video chats. Why? Because that lulls you into thinking there is something really good happening. Women assign meaning to all the conversation and assume the man MUST really like them. Sadly, it actually means nothing.

Lots of Communication Boosts His Ego

Some men love to talk about themselves or hear themselves talk. They like to flirt, are feeling lonely and want female attention. All that communication is fabulous for the ego. After a conversation with you he probably felt he could hit on any woman with success. It makes a man feel desired and viral. And for some men, it’s a great way to interact with multiple women without physically cheating.

My dating advice is to text only a few times a day and never talk on the phone every night. You are a desirable woman who has places to go and people to see. You don’t want to let on you’re free every night waiting for his call. That doesn’t provide any mystery and men do like mystery. They want to feel like they are winning you over.

Then when you do meet, you wait to see how long it takes for him to want more time with you, call and schedule another date. When a week or more goes by, that can be a sign he’s really not that interested after all.

Since you had so much communication, you thought he was seriously interested which is why you asked, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” The fact that he is still in touch tells me he is connecting with a bunch of women to feed his ego. There are some men who do this which is why I advise not giving meaning lots of early communication.

It’s Not What a Man Says But What He Does

Making plans for the future before a man knows or meets you is a classic seduction technique. You are bound to like a guy who is already planning your future before he even meets you or during a first date right? It’s a way to guarantee you’re interest in him. Future plans only matter when you see a man consistently follow through with his ideas over time.

How to Handle Pre-Date Communication

The next time you meet a guy, text a few times a day, but don’t respond immediately every time. Have one 20-minute phone conversation and then set up a date to meet. Avoid over communicating and go out with other men while you wait to see if the first guy asks for a second or third date or disappears.

This is how to keep yourself from getting so disappointed and how you’ll know better than to think a man is seriously interested just because he paid attention to you. After a few more guys you’ll get better at spotting this red flag – the man who loves to talk and makes plans, but evaporates after a first date. Or worse the man who will text and talk for months without ever meeting you.

If you want to know about 40 other red flags that let you know a man is about to waste your time and is the wrong man for you, get a copy of my bestselling book on Amazon Is He The One: Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong

Should I Text Him Again? We had Such Fun Conversations!

“Should I text him again?” is one of the most frequent questions single women ask. The answer depends on how many times you’ve already initiated texting. Learn what’s most effective.

should I text him again

Should I Text Him Again?

Can I Text Him Again? I’m So Tempted

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy online two weeks ago and we immediately exchanged numbers to talk on the phone. Had a great conversation with a lot in common and talked for nearly two hours! Then we talked again the next night for almost another two hours and discussed meeting in person sometime, perhaps for lunch, coffee, or even the dog park since we are both dog lovers.

I said that would be great and told him my availability. It was a Friday night so figured that weekend was probably too soon to plan something since he didn’t set a date, but thought I’d at least hear from him the following week. Haven’t heard from him since.

I decided to text him on Super Bowl Sunday (9 days after our last conversation) to wish his team well and said “hope you’re doing well!”. No response. Bummer

I’m confused because of how well we hit it off on the phone and he knows I’m interested. Should I text him again in case he didn’t get my text? Or chalk it up to him not being that interested, which again just boggles my mind because of how well our conversations went.

I also wonder if he is waiting until after Valentine’s Day since I assume this weekend will be a lot of couples going out and guys seem to be a little weird about that day. I’m tempted to text him again and suggest getting together for coffee or meeting at the dog park.

This would be the perfect weekend to meet since my kids are with their dad this weekend. But I just not sure what to do.

Please help!
Ready to Text

 

Dear Ready to Text,

I know this is hard and it seems like it should be so simple. You wonder why you need to agonize over “Should I text him again?” But that’s your tip off it’s not the way to go. You are right about that!

Even though its so temping to text him again, DON’T DO IT!

See, if this man was truly interested, he would be still talking to you. He would have scheduled a date and shown up. He would have asked you out again.

The fact that nine days have gone by since your last conversation can only mean one thing and I say this with a compassionate heart – HE’S NOT INTO YOU.

Yes, you had two great conversations. Yes he knows you are into him. But you can see that’s not enough. He has to WANT to take that next step to meet you. Even if you did text him again, do you think that would do the trick and get him interested again? I doubt it. He knows exactly what he has to do to see you. AND HE’S NOT DOING IT.

I’m not saying this to be mean. I want you to understand how men think so you stop wanting to text a man who is not interested. One of my specialties in dating over 40 is helping single women with understanding men. How men think. Why they behave the way they do. Revealing what is really going on.

So what is going on with this man?

  • He might have met someone else
  • He’s distracted by several women
  • He got busy with work
  • He’s not serious about dating or finding love
  • He’s just looking for an ego boost
  • He might love talking on the phone

Sometimes all a guy is looking for is a friendly female to talk to. You had a great conversation and now he feels confident about attracting a woman like you. So he’s all set and ready to move on. Or any number of other possibilities. And it has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.

But one thing you know for sure from his behavior is you have fallen off his radar. And that wouldn’t happen if he was interested. Which is why texting him will NOT get him back on that track. Even if he texts you back.

Adult Dating Should Be Easier

But it’s not. I know it seems you should be able to just speak directly about simple things like setting up a date. But age doesn’t change the dating game because it’s a mating ritual rooted in biology.

A man’s DNA is coded to hunt and pursue. That has not changed. So to be successful at dating, you have to live with the fact that you choose from the men who pursue you. If you pursue men, most will run – read this post to learn more. It doesn’t work.

So what’s a midlife single gal to do? Well the answer to, “Should I text him again?” is no.

You can be friendly to get a man’s attention – then he may decide to pursue. Women are not powerless! That’s what flirting is all about. You have plenty of power – the power of allure. Learn to use that. You can’t turn every man’s head but you’ll get your fair share of attention when you rely on your feminine charm.

Then know not to read into situations. They have to play out and if the pursuit is not consistent, know then to walk away with dignity. You deserve a man who knows you are a great catch and does what it takes to win you over.

My dating advice for you is not to read into a conversation has indicating anything. If it was fun – good enjoy it. Just realize the only thing that matters is did the man ask you out? If not, stop talking to him after seven days and move on. This way you’ll be assured of not holding out or wasting time waiting around for a man who has not proved his interest.

This applies to texting, emailing, talking on the phone, facetime, social media and even flirting. If you feel there might be something there then wait two weeks if you must, but never more. And two weeks is really one week too long.

Okay, now get back out there – there are so many men to meet and the right one is waiting for you.

Wishing you love,

should I text him again

When Will He Ask Me Out on a Second Date? Understanding Men

Interested in a man and looking for answers on, “When will he ask me out on a second date?”  Read on to find out what you need to know about understanding midlife single men.

when will he ask me outWhen Will He Ask Me Out Again? That’s the Big Question

You met a guy online and your first date was great! You had a good time and you know he did too. He texted you after telling you so. You’ve been texting for a few days which is fun. He’s witty and has a good sense of humor too.

But as the days tick by, you start to wonder when will he ask me out on a second date? It’s completely natural to be curious about this and even a bit anxious. Especially when you had such a good time. You really can’t wait to see him again.

You wish there was a way to make the phone ring. But there isn’t. You think about texting him to see if he’s still interested. Maybe that’s what you should do. But then you’re not sure and the last thing you want to do is ruin your chances.

Wondering when he will ask me out and waiting around stinks!

How Long Should It Take to Get a Second Date?

Not surprisingly, the length of time between a first and second date varies by the man and the situation. However, the amount of time it does takes is telling.

The best case scenario is when a man asks you for a second date while you are still on the first one. That’s always a good omen! If he waits just a few days, like two to three, that’s also a positive sign. In fact, anytime within the first week is optimal. If he wants to see you again quickly, that means you are on his mind,

When the gap between first and second date is longer, like two or three weeks, that might indicate a number of things that aren’t so positive:

  • He’s too busy to date
  • He’s not really ready to date
  • He’s not serious about finding love
  • He’s dating a lot of women and you’re not high on the list
  • He’s not that into you

Yes, sometimes a man has to travel for work or has a lot on his plate. But these situations do not bode well for a blossoming relationship. When a man takes weeks to ask for a second date, of course you can go. But do not get attached or stop dating other men for him. While it’s true anything is possible, I wouldn’t bet on a guy who is slow to request that second date.

How to Know When to Move On

When you’re objective about what is happening in your dating life, then you can face facts. Not being asked for a second date within a week indicates he might not be the right man. The sooner you realize this and accept it, the less you’ll feel confused, hurt, disappointed or rejected by him. The less time you’ll spend analyzing everything you said and did and feeling badly about yourself. The faster you can move on to find the right man

There are plenty of men out there. Don’t set your hopes on a man you’ve just men. Stay objective as long as possible. Date several men at once – just for the first few dates. Most will disappear any way because they aren’t right for you and they know it.

Signs He’s Really Interested

See, the right man for you will WANT to get to know you. He’ll be EXCITED to spend time with you and will do what it takes to make that time. he’ll stay in touch ever couple of days. He’ll text AND call. He’ll ask in advance even if he’s going out of town so he knows he can see you when he gets back. His consistency is a true signal of his intent.

And that is exactly what you want. A man who knows what he wants and when he meets you, he knows you’re the one to pursue. Which is exactly what he does. The right man for you doesn’t leave you feeling confused or wondering when will he ask me out.

 

 

How Men Think: 3 Things Midlife Men Want in a Woman

how men thinkTrying to figure out how men think can be taxing for single midlife women. You strain to understand what midlife men are thinking and what is behind their behavior.

That’s why I interviewed a panel of men over 50 to ask them some pretty pointed questions about dating love and women. Their answers were pleasantly surprising.

What I discovered was that many midlife men are looking for lasting love. Not all men just want a roll in the hay and plenty actually want to date women their own age.

Here are the top three things midlife men look for in a new partner:

1. Attraction.
This is not about being a bathing beauty, super slim or gorgeous even though you guess that’s how men think. In fact, while men may fantasize about those model-like perfect women, they know they aren’t going to date one.

Let’s face it – we women fantasize about the perfect hot guy too. It’s normal for both genders.

So what do they want in a new partner regarding looks? They want a woman who takes time with her appearance. Gray or died hair doesn’t matter. On the other hand, a little makeup does. An up-to-date look and  and a bit of style in your clothing also let a man know you care about your personal presentation.

2. Happy Personality.
Midlife men want a woman who is already happy and not one hoping a man will make her happy. To them it feels like lot of pressure. When you are happy the way you are and want to add to your life with a relationship, that is the best possible scenario. (This is true for men too.)

Women who are cheerful and positive are more appealing and honestly, doesn’t that make sense? After all you don’t want to date Danny Downer anymore than men want to date Debbie Downer.

When you meet a new guy, be smart about how you talk about your life. It’s just like a job interview – you want to present your best side, no matter what kind of day you’ve had.  So don’t talk about how hard dating is, how mean men are, or about your horrid ex, the same way you wouldn’t bash your current or last boss during an interview.

[For more similarities about job hunting and dating, check out my book Job Search = Love: Search 10 Career Strategies that Help You find Love Too]

3. Available. 
Yes, men want to date women who are available. Everyone is busy – men and women, but men don’t want to chase you down for a date. They don’t want to feel like you are squeezing them into your insane schedule even if that’s true. That’s how men think. (You don’t want to feel that way either right?)

To find love, you have to find time available during your week and in your calendar and make this a priority. If you put a man off for two weeks to meet for coffee or a meal, you are letting him know he’ll never be your priority.

Just like you want a man who makes you feel important in his life, men want the very same thing. That’s why I tell my clients they have to find time. If you don’t have time to date, you don’t have time for a relationship either. A relationship probably takes more time!

Find a way to see a man within a few days of his request when possible if you want to keep him interested. Just do the best you can.

Given these top three priorities for the qualities sought in a single midlife woman, I hope you feel more hopeful and positive. Why? Because my bet is, you have what you need to attract that quality man you desire!

If you want to learn more about midlife dating and better understanding men, why fill not out an application for a Dating Discovery Session and schedule an appointment? We’ll talk by phone or Skype for 30-minutes to get to know each other and find out if coaching might be for you.

This Is The #1 Sign That He’s Just Not That Into You

January 20, 2017 by Emma Taylor via m2woman.co.nz

We’ve all seen the movie and we all remember that beautiful moment when Miranda shares with two woeful twenty-somethings that ‘he is just not that into you’. It’s a pretty harsh reality and unfortunately it is just getting ten times worse with a society that is so focused on their phones and computer screens. The days of late night phone calls are replaced with text conversations and meeting up face-to-face isn’t necessary when you have Skype of face time.

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Find Love with 10 New Year’s Resolutions

Want to find love? Did you make your New Year’s resolutions yet? It’s not too late to get something together and put your mind to finding love in 2017!

find love

Find Love in 2017

Is This Your Year to Find Love?

1.Clear the Past 

If you are ready to find love, the best way to start is to clean up your love energy. Burn old love letters. Toss old journals. Unfriend old beaus on social media. Give away gifts from past lovers. These are all wonderful ways to release the past and create space for something new to enter your life. Make room t his month with a full clearing!

2. Boost Confidence

Men find confident women very sexy so what can you do to boost your confidence? Lose 5 lbs? Exercise more. Make  yourself more interesting by enriching you r life. Take classes, read more, get into some new music, see a movie. Lots of this self-improvement is fun!

3. Polish Your Looks

Is it time for a makeover? When was the last update you made to your hairstyle and makeup? Chances are you could use a little refresher. Get a new haircut. Try some highlights. Change your color. Use new eye makeup. Buy a new lipstick. And if you don’t wear makeup – try the basics – blush, mascara and lip gloss. This is fun girl stuff so enjoy it!

You might also buy a few new dating outfits. Freshen up your style. Add a new piece of jewelry. Update your signature look. Give yourself some pizzazz to feel good about yourself and present an alluring package.

4. Take a Vow of Friendliness!

How friendly are you on a scale of 1-10? If you said anything less than 7, take a vow of friendliness. Determine that you will smile more at people, especially men. Strike up a conversation with someone in line at the grocery store or dry cleaners. Your entire life improves when you build your social skills, not just dating.  But it sure will be easier to meet men when you are friendly.

5. Schedule Time Meet Men

If you don’t have time set aside in your busy calendar, you may never have time to meet men. Btu something positive happens when you put time in your calendar. You are prone to actually follow through and do something. The best way to make this happen is to look up singles events, Meetups or other events you want to attend. Put them in your calendar and plan on going.

6. Post a Profile on Dating Sites or Dating Apps

This is another powerful strategy to meet new men. Post a profile on the dating sites or apps so you men can find you! There is no arguing with this proven method to find love and now it’s estimated that 30% of singles meet this way. Get over your fears. Learn how to make these things work for you. Just do it as the Nike tagline encourages.

[If you need help with your profile, I can write a killer online dating profile that stands out and represent the real you.]

7. Find a Dating Buddy

When you have a single gal who is your partner in crime for dating, you are more likely to follow through. You can hold each other accountable to get online, try the dating apps and go to live events. Encourage each other. Help each other regain your calm and composure when you face disappointments This is highly supportive way to stay positive on your journey to find love.

8. Meet One Man a Month

Seriously, if you want to find love, you have got to meet new men on a regular basis. It’s time to quantify your dating activities. Set an intention to meet at least one new man a month. Of course one  week would be far more productive, but  some is better than none. No wiggling out of this goal. Hold your feet to the fire if you want to find the lasting love you dream of.  You’ll meet 12 men this year if you meet one per month so get on it!

9. Write a Letter to Yourself

Why do you want to find love? What are your reasons for wanting a man in your life? Do you want companionship? Romance? Friendship? A partner to travel with. Someone to sit in front of the fire and snuggle with? Get clear about what love will add to your life and why you want that. When you know why love is important to you, taking time to meet new people will be easier and more likely to happen.

10. Smarten Up about Dating!

What do you really know about midlife dating? Have you read any books, listened to a free teleclass, registered for a workshop or tried private dating coaching? These options wake you up to what works. Midlife dating is not like when you were 22. Things have changed girlfriend and you’ve got to be in “the know” to succeed!

 

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Why Men Pull Away – Did You Tell Him How You Feel?

The question of why men pull away comes up often at the start of dating. There are so many reasons why this happens, but this post is about expressing your feelings too soon

Why men pull away“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. We had 4 great dates and stayed at his place a few times. He has 2 kids, runs a business and races cars. We text a lot about how we miss each other and a week is too long till we can see each other again.

I told him I was falling for him and I was scared. His texts slowed down a little and I told him I’d back off seeing I think I scared him. He’s reply was “I ain’t, the kids I have working for me are going home for the holidays and I’m short handed as is. I want to see soon, I enjoy every minute we have’

Yesterday I sent him a little poem I wrote about missing him and there has been no response as of me writing this….. Help! Tammy”
Dear Tammy,

A common dating problem women face at the start of relationships is why men pull away. Lots of things can cause this reaction in men and they often have their own reasons as well.

Dating Is Like Playing Poker

Is there such a thing as too much honesty? Absolutely! Innocently, you expressed  yourself by sharing your feelings and let him know two big things: 1) You are falling for him 2) You feel scared. Now I understand why you might feel this way. But why oh why would you share that with him after just four dates?

At the start of dating, is like playing poker. You need to keep your feelings private or “close to the vest” as they say in the card game. You don’t want to let a man “see your hand” or know how you feel too early so you don’t spoil your hand or scare him off.

Don’t Express Your Feelings First

For the most part, women’s feelings grow and we feel more attached long before men do or acknowledge how they feel. As you start to get to know a man and things are going well, you are bursting to share. That’s great – call a girlfriend! She is the safest person to tell and she’ll really get what you are going through.

But when you tell a man, he might freak out. He could feel pressured by feelings. He might feel everything is  moving too fast. He might now be ready to be serious or have made any decision about you and was still in his trial phase. Maybe he was just enjoying your company and not thinking beyond that.

Why Men Pull Away – Early Stages?

By expressing yourself about falling for him and feeling scared suddenly turned seeing into something more serious. That’s a surefire way to push a man away or scare him off. And that’s what happened and why men pull away.

Sometimes women wonder, “Is he testing me by pulling away?” I doubt it – women are the ones who test in relationship. This isn’t one of a man’s usual tricks.

What To Do When Your Man Pulls Away

Now your reaction to his pulling away was right on target – to pull back yourself and give him space. That’s perfect! Except one essential detail – unfortunately you shared that with him too. Again too much honesty.Plus you said you thought the reason he pulled away was that you scared him off – now you’ve told him how he is feeling. Even thought that’s a good guess, never tell a man you think you’ve scared him. How can he save face now?

Don’t reveal your dating strategy that you hope will bring a man back to you. By telling him that’s what you were doing, you didn’t let him wonder where you went. That’s what could  make this move work. When you leave a man wonder if you are disappearing, then he might move forward to reconnect out of concern for losing you.

You didn’t give him a chance to wonder – you shared your strategy.

What a Man’s Excuses Mean

When you start hearing a bunch of excuses from the man  you’re dating (or want to date) and he says he’s so busy with work, his children, fixing up his house, or helping a buddy, it all means the same thing. He’s got other priorities more important than you. This is “understanding men” basics.

Most men don’t want to be the bad guy and they don’t want to hurt a woman’s feelings. So they make excuses to let you down easy. “Oh I miss you too baby, but I’ve got this massive project…”

Missing Him Will Not Entice Him

Lastly, you sent him a poem about missing him. Oh no – expressing your feelings again! Missing him reminds him you are overly attached already which could easily push him away for good. Sharing more feelings will not bring a man back to you.

What Does Work When Men Pull Away?

Pull away yourself and then remain in radio silence. No texting, no emailing, no Facebooking, no calling. If he doesn’t come forward in a week or even two, count him as a lost cause and move on. Otherwise YOU WILL BE CHASING HIM and we all know CHASING MEN DOES NOT WORK.

So Tammy, the best thing you can do right now is absolutely NOTHING. Go about your business and leave him alone. If he comes back to you because he gets curious what you are up to – great! If not, move forward to meet new men and find someone new to date.

But this time, do not share your feelings or strategies with him. The best rule of thumb about sharing feelings is to let the man do that first. Then you’ll know you are safe and probably won’t scare him him. Just don’t gush or go on – match his level of sharing is the most effective strategy. Keep that under your hat for the next dating situation.

 

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Find Love with a Twist on the Christmas Carol Story

find love, meet men, dating advice

Find Love for the Holidays

Want to find love but need inspiration? Carla Dickens here. Well not really, it’s Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Dating Coach with my own version of a holiday classic – A Christmas Carol – the story by Charles Dickens about Ebenezer Scrooge. Here’s how my version goes…

Ebbie Scrooge, a good looking woman over 50, was wasting her dating years grumbling about men. On the night before Christmas, she was commiserating with her single girlfriends, complaining bitterly about the horrible men they meet. How all the good men are taken. How they’ll never find love and refuse to settle. The girlfriends clinked their glasses one last time, toasting how they didn’t need men and parted ways. Ebbie stumbled home for a good night’s rest. But she didn’t get it.

Instead, she was visited by three Christmas Ghosts of Dating Advice who illustrated the error of her dating ways.

Ghost of Past Dating Advice

First the Ghost of Past Dating Advice dropped in to have Ebbie review her history. Ebbie is all too familiar with her unhappy past and ugly divorce. However, the Ghost is very compassionate and worked with Ebbie to remember what was good, what did make her happy, and what lessons she learned that she can bring forward to a find love again.

The dating advice apparition encouraged Ebbie to not get lost in the past. In fact, Ebbie’s past does not automatically create her dating future. She has more free will than she realized and might want to think twice about frittering it away rehashing the past.

Ghost of Present Dating Advice

Back to bed for Ebbie, she thought she’d get some rest, but not to be. The Ghost of Present Dating Advice scooped her up and they journeyed to view her current love situation. Much to her chagrin, very little is happening on the love front. The Ghost of Present Dating Advice lovingly explains to Ebbie that she does have loving energy in her life. She has children who love her, friends and family who adore her, neighbors who enjoy her, and a dog who offers unconditional love. Ebbie never considered these sources of love in her life and took them for granted.

The patient spirit of Present Dating Advice showed Ebbie how loving energy in her present life could blossom into more if she acknowledged it and felt grateful. The error of her ways, bitching and moaning, blaming men, criticizing them endlessly, actually didn’t make her feel better – it only made things worse.

Ebbie’s head was spinning from seeing how much time she spent speaking poorly about men. From this wiser vantage point, it seemed like sad, self-sabotaging behaviors that was truly getting in her way of the romance she desired. To find love, she’d have to stop the time-wasting man bashing.

Ghost of Future Dating Advice

Then Ebbie was back in bed and yet again, a third apparition, the Ghost of Future Dating Advice whisked her off. She arrived to view her life five years ahead and was amazed to find herself in the arms of a wonderful man (Bob Crachet I believe), smiling, happy and in love. How could this be? What could she shift to ensure that this future did come to pass?

The Ghost of Future Dating Advice gave Ebbie some crucial tips about being approachable and friendly to men and most importantly, appreciating men for who they are and what they have to offer. These are the keys to meeting men and finding love.

It was as if Ebbie woke up to a whole new consciousness about dating that she had never experienced before. She could see the wisdom of these Ghosts of Dating Advice and her dating coach and how their advice would help create the future love she so strongly craved, but had long ago given up on.

To Find Love,Banish the Bah-Humbug Attitude Towards Men and Dating

Ebbie reconnected with all three Romance Ghosts before her night ended and vowed to change her ways. Now that she had learned how to find love after 50, the hero of our story felt more optimistic.

She agreed to work on being more positive, open and active. She promised to minimize her complaints and banish her bah-humbug attitude that sabotaged any efforts she made. This will allow her to send good vibes into the Universe and attract the love she wants and deserves.

Good for you Ebbie! With those shifts in perspective, mindset and understanding, you will attract the love of a good man. The next day, Ebbie flirted just for the fun of being an alluring woman, received lots of attention and started on the path to the love-filled future she now knows is waiting for her.

 

Photo Credit: CamKnows

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Why Won’t He Ask Me Out? Tips for Understanding Men

Wondering, “Why won’t he ask me out?” Many women go through this but here’s what you most need to know about understanding men who aren’t clear about their intentions.

why wont ask me outWhy Won’t He Ask Me Out? That’s the Question

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I sent a man I had met a few weeks previous a Christmas card asking him out for a drink sometime. We had chatted and kissed before I left unexpectedly. He texted me on the Tuesday evening the day after I posted it. We got on well with a few texts. Then he thanked me for the card and said he admired my courage.

I asked him if he was interested in going for drink. After a couple more texts he said we could organize something. I said jokingly that I had chased him enough and it was his turn. He said, “Ha Ha! I get the hint. OK talk soon, take care .”

It’s been 6 days and nothing. I assumed he would contact me or am I supposed to contact him? Why won’t he ask me out?

Thanks for your help,
Day 6 in Sussex”

 

Dear Day,
I know you feel confused so let me clear this up quickly for you. I’m going to make understanding men simple and keep in mind I do have compassion for you.

Stop Chasing Men

It’s time to stop chasing men. You can see it doesn’t work. His texting means nothing. You met him before and kissed, yet he didn’t call to see you again. Right there that tells you something about his interest level. He’s not into you enough to ask you out.

Like many single women today, you thought you’d get the ball rolling by asking him out. After sending it, he certainly would have asked you out if he was interested. However, he just commented that you had courage for asking. He flirts but doesn’t make a move. I’m sure that’s not the response you hoped for. And it’s not the sign of a man who wants to date you.

Then you told him you were done chasing him. Still nothing on his part. Six days have gone by without a peep so what does that tell you? He’s not interested.

Flirting and Texting Mean Nothing

A man’s flirting and texting show you he finds you attractive and may want female attention. But neither one indicates he actually wants to go on dates or is interested in something more. Only one thing lets you know a man is interested – when he consistently asks you out on weekly dates.

Your best bet is to meet men online, the apps or out and about and flirt with them. Then see who asks YOU out. If a man flirts and texts, but doesn’t ask you out within 7-10 days, drop him and stop texting. He’s going to waste your time, string you along, and potentially break your heart.

Flirting and texting are meaningless without him taking steps to see you and ask you out on dates. Check out this post which goes into detail about why men text. or this post on why men are vague about setting up dates.

Men Do Not Suddenly Become Who You Want

These men are not going to suddenly change and ask you out or certainly won’t become serious about you. Stop hoping men will change and stop chasing men thinking you’ll get the ball rolling for them because they are shy or busy. None of that will deliver.

It’s time to let go of thinking you’ll ever date this man and meet some new guys who demonstrate interest. Not by flirting or texting or kissing you, but by asking you out on weekly dates.

How to Know a Man as Serious about You

I suggest you start qualifying men before getting attached to them. The way you qualify a man is by observing him over a number of weeks. You are looking for a man who stays in touch, asks you out consistently at least once a week, and has similar values. You want to enjoy each others company, laugh together, and have good conversations. A man who watches out for you, starts to include you in his life, introduces you to friends and family – these are all indicators that he’s serious about you.

Wishing you love,

why won't he ask me out

 

 

 

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Is He Into Me? His Mixed Signals Are Making Me Crazy!

Are you wondering, “Is he into me?” about the man you’re dating? If his inconsistency is confusing the heck out of you, please read on so you can understand men who behave this way and learn what is going on.

is he into meIs He Into Me or Wasting My Time?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy a year ago in a language course. From our first meeting there was a “spark” between us. During the course, we didn’t have any private interactions. Three weeks after it ended, he started texting and calling and finally we had coffee. He showed up 10 minutes late and told me he had one hour because he had to work.

After, he called and told me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that we should meet again soon but then he disappeared for 2 weeks! When he called again he told me he was super busy at work. I know he’s a workaholic but this is BS, right? Is he into me?

During the next few months we met only twice, both times at my place – he offered help with heavy lifting at my apartment. He didn’t even try to kiss me. He called after, telling me how he missed me already and that I am such a great girl.

We made plans to meet on several occasions but he always canceled. I know for a fact he’s neither married nor in a relationship. He loves to contact me when he’s with his friends so that they can hear him flirting with a girl. When I text or call him, he sometimes he doesn’t respond. But if I treat him the same way he calls me out on that.

To sum things up, he’s been hot and cold and sending mixed signals from the beginning, I know I deserve better but I really like him. I still hope that maybe he just needs more time? I feel like such an idiot.

Please tell me what you think about this guy and what I should do.

Thanks,
Dangling in Denver”

 

Dear Dangling,
So you’ve been communicating with this guy for months but haven’t kissed. His pursuit of you is inconsistent. You also say he likes to show off his flirting with you – Hmmm, could he be gay and keeping you around to look straight to his friends? Just a thought.

You ask, “Is he into me?” I have to say “No” or certainly not enough for true, lasting love.

When a man shows this much inconsistency, he’s letting you know you are not his priority and he is NOT serious about you. This will NEVER change or improve with time. Men are at their very best in the beginning and you are way beyond that point. You are holding out hope for a man that will never come around to be the boyfriend you long for.

Don’t be too hard on yourself about this situation. Plenty of women go on hoping for months and sometimes years that a man will somehow change to fit their vision of a good partner. It just won’t happen.

Your Strong Self-Worth Is Empowering

Here’s the good news! You already know you deserve better treatment. Strong self-worth will keep you from hanging on to this guy who is most definitely Mr. Wrong. You want to date a man who consistently sees you at least weekly and stays in touch as well.

Your Signal to Walk Away or Run!

When a man leaves you danging and wondering, “Is he into me?” that’s like a big fat neon sign blinking NO HE’S NOT. A guy who disappears is telling you he’s no where near thinking about commitment and your signal to walk away. Who needs the emotionally unsatisfying, hot and cold and on and off again man? Not you!

How You Know He’s NOT “The One”

Even though you like him, he has proved over months that he’s not the right man for you. You have to like the man as a whole person. Stop focusing only on the parts you like and see the big picture of who he really is. NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

How to Know He’s a Keeper

There are plenty of men out there and you deserve to be with a man who wants to spend time with you. You want a man who cares how you are and doesn’t evaporate for weeks at time. You seek a guy who includes you in his life and introduces you to family and friends. You’re looking for a supportive fellow who doesn’t think only of himself.

The right man finds time to see you no matter how busy. He cherishes you, feels lucky to have found you and let’s you know how he feels. That’s when you know you found a keeper.

So with compassion and kindness, I encourage you to stop engaging with this guy and move on to find the right man for you. Make a vow to yourself to stay strong and never allow yourself to be dangled on a string like this again.

Wishing you love,

is he into me

 

P.S. Read more about mixed signals here

 

Thanksgiving Gratitude: Be Grateful for Who You Are Right Now

To all the single women out there reading this post:

Thanksgiving GratitudeHas anyone told you lately that you are really wonderful? Do you know that about yourself? It’s completely true. From the top of your head to the tip of your toes. Every single drop of your being is magnificent. Let me say it once more:

You are wonderful!

So, what’s your reaction to that? Did you push the idea away, thinking “That’s not really true”? Or could you soak in the praise, knowing how valid that description of you is?

As your dating coach, I sure hope your reaction was the second one!

Thanksgiving Gratitude – Serve It Up!

This Thanksgiving I am spending time giving serious thought to what I am grateful for in my life. While I do feel gratitude for some things, this year I am making a bigger effort to look at more parts of my life. Last week I focused on the people who surround me. This week, I decided it was time to focus on what I’m grateful about me.

Forget that Humble Pie When it Comes to Thanksgiving Gratitude

Whether you believe it or not, you are special – a unique human being with a personality as individual as a snowflake. You share your presence with those around you, have your own way of looking at things, and make a contribution to the planet. You may be a full time mom, a grandmother, an aunt or sister, a career woman, a volunteer, a good friend, an assistant. Perhaps you are good at math or wonderfully creative.

And you have special gifts to make a man happy too. Maybe it’s the way you whisper a man’s name, text or email, support his vision, remind him of appointments, cook delectable meals, massage his shoulders, laugh at his jokes, help him feel masculine, share your love or make him smile. So whether or not you are in a relationship – you have much to offer.

Appreciate Yourself Just as You Are

Right now, please take just one minute to appreciate the amazing woman you are, just as you are right now. In this moment, celebrate what you have achieved and what you bring to the party of life. Breathe in the glory of your being, humanness and spirit. You are made with God’s thumb print and deserve to love and appreciate yourself like no other.

Self Love is the Basis of All Love

As I often say to my dating coaching clients, self love is the basis for all love. So, this Thanksgiving holiday as you scurry in the kitchen to prepare a big meal, or go to another home and bring a special dish, please take time out to remember to give thanks for who you are today. When you learn how to treat yourself right, others follow in your footsteps.

I Appreciate You!

And I’m sure there are so many others who do as well. But most importantly, take note of yourself. Love yourself. Be grateful for everything you have right now, all that is going right and for all the lessons you’ve learned so far.

When you take the time to appreciate yourself, even if it’s just for a few moments, you allow your energy to shimmer and shine. You start to sparkle with self love and become so much more magnetic. Your power to attract skyrockets. And you’ll feel happier and more optimistic about what is still to come

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving Holiday

Wishing you love,

Thanksgiving Gratitude

 

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Why Do Men Pull Away and What Can I Do?

You want to know why do men pull away? Get empowering insights about understanding men, why he disappeared and what you can do in this Q&A post.

Why Do Men Pull AwayWhy Men Pull Away After Getting Close

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

A man whom I’ve known for 25 years helped me with a work project and I fell for him. We went to lunch and had coffee many times over the past few months (he always paid). Went to a movie and also had dinner a few times.

He told me he liked me and I said the same about him. I see how he looks at me with desire. He even told me I have this sexiness about me! But now he says he’s been alone for too long to get involved again. Then in the next breath he asks me out to see a movie.

Right now he seems to be a ghost in terms of spending time together. So how come, if he sees me, he always stops to chat? What the heck is going on?

We have so much in common and he agrees with that. There is this chemistry we have when we see each other but maybe it’s just not enough. I’m so attracted to him and when we see each other it’s not like we stand 10 feet apart.

I guess it’s not the right timing for him, but I can’t stop thinking about him. What can I do?

Thanks for your advice in advance,
Casandra”
Hi Casandra,

I feel your pain and I know how hard this is for you. So many women ask me, “Why do men pull away?” When a man sends mixed signals like this it’s terribly tormenting. But I’m going to be straight with you so you know the truth.

Why Do Men Pull Away? There Are Many Reasons!

  • He may have been hurt in the past and never recovered
  • He may have other priorities besides dating and love
  • He might not want the responsibility of a relationship
  • He might not be emotionally available due to childhood issues
  • He might realize he can’t give you what you want

Why men pull away when things get serious causes emotional distress for women all over the world. There are countless reasons for why he disappeared or put distance between you. It’s a gigantic red flag because it points to his inner conflicts that are keeping him single. And he is the only one who can resolve them.

Nothing you do can shift his inner conflict for him.

 

In this case, there is another problem getting in the way of you connecting.

He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

When a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship by saying something like, “It’s been too long,” there is absolutely nothing you can do. Any time a man says something to push you away, believe him. Take him for his word when he says:

  • “He’s not looking for a relationship”
  • “He doesn’t want to get serious”
  • “He doesn’t want a relationship but is happy to see what happen as he gets to know you.”

What all of these lines have in common is what MEN DO NOT WANT – which is a serious relationship. Even if he’s willing to get to know you to see where things go, that’s just a DISTRACTION from the first part of the sentence which was HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

See, a man has to want the same thing you want for things to work out. In other words, you both need to have the same agenda. Or at least he can’t be ruling out the relationship agenda.

THIS IS A MAJOR PIECE OF COMPATIBILITY that most WOMEN IGNORE. We do this because we think his obvious interest is enough. Unfortunately…

Attraction, attention and chemistry are NOT ENOUGH to build a lasting relationship.

A man has to WANT a RELATIONSHIP or not be opposed to getting seriously involved for things to work out in the long run. If his desire is not present, then all the flirting, butterflies, and interest will not shift into the romance you want or lasting love.

Should You Wait Hoping He’ll Come Around?

If you decide to hold out hope for this guy, here is what’s going to happen. First you won’t notice other men who are interested because you’ll be wrapped up with this guy. Your heart will not remain open to men who do want a relationship. So you’ll miss out on other prospects. And ultimately staying attached to this guy will keep you stuck in desire for him and …single too.

What Can You Do?

The best thing you can do is steer clear of him for long enough so you can detach. Let your feelings die down. Out-of-sight really can help a lot to get him out of your head and heart. The last thing you want to do is think you are a victim of your feelings and you cannot help it. This is a powerless stance and definitely, 100% NOT TRUE.

It might not be easy but you can let go and move. Especially if you want to find real, lasting love. Hankering after Mr. ItsBeenTooLong will make you miserable and keep you single. Don’t do it. Here are some empowering suggestions to help you let go:

  • Go on vacation
  • Visit a friend for a long weekend
  • Learn positive self talk like, “You deserve a relationship ready man”
  • Start interacting and flirting with other men
  • Start a new project or take a new class
  • Volunteer and do charity work
  • Post a profile online and meet new men

Once you manage to detach and the longing subsides, then you can be friends if you want. I don’t recommend this but with enough time it can be possible.

So Cassandra, that sums up my answer to why do men pull away, Most importantly, they are not relationship ready and the minute you figure this out about any man, the very best thing you can do is move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea and men who would be more compatible partners.

Wishing you love,

why do men pull away

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You Are President of Your Love Life!

Hope to find a great love life? Running for president is something like dating. You are the president, CEO and even dictator of your love life and whether or not you will find the right man.

love lifeYup, YOU ARE IN CHARGE. So what are you going to do now that you realize finding love is up to you? It’s a hard thing to deal with – how you are responsible for meeting men, dating them, weeding them out and finding the right one. But seriously, who else would be responsible for your love life?

The buck stops with you I’m afraid.

What Kind of President Will You Be?


Will You Build a Wall?

How are you running your love life now? Maybe you want to keep men out and make them all pay. If your guard is up and you rather not engage with men, that is your choice for sure. You can live a rich, fulfilling life without love. But if you want love, that wall around your heart will impede your ability to find a heart connection. The wall will likely keep you single.

Will You Be Intolerant?

Trump is intolerant of others and wants to keep people out and everything status quo. Is that how you view your love life as well? Many women tell me that if they can’t find a man who rates a “10” they can’t be bothered with men. He MUST be wealthy,  smart, super successful, close in age, wonderfully charming, fit and healthy and very good looking.

That might be nice. But do you think you are also a 10? Because a man who rates as a 10 will want a 10 for his romantic partner.

Opening up your heart and mind to men, real men, will help you discover who would make a good match at the heart level. Go for a self-sufficient man who is a good person, has accomplishments of course, and will also value you as a woman, not just arm candy. Being open to more types of men gives you better odds of finding a compatible partner and creating the love life you want.

Will You Only Wear Pant Suits?

One trending hashtag for Hillary is #pantsuit which is a funny way to support her if you ask me. Think about this essential question for a moment please… There is nothing wrong with pants, but why limit yourself? Are you at your most attractive and alluring in pants? Are you willing to wear a dress or skirt from time to time? Can you be flexible in how you present yourself a woman with sex appeal?

Showing off your assets and being flexible with your personal presentation is part of your feminine power and charm. Looking ravishing is one way to find a love life. Don’t miss out on attracting the right man into your life by being insistent on one way of doing things and one wardrobe style or preference.

Will You Follow Through to Achieve Your Goal?

Quitting is easy. Seeing things through and sticking to your commitment to find the right man takes stamina. The same kind of stamina that our candidates need to go through our crazy political process. It could take years of campaigning to become president. Hillary’s done this twice! And as we know form this race, there’s no guarantee to win the presidency or find love.

So what is your commitment to find love? Will you quit because some guy was rude, stood you up or never called again? Will you give up because some man disappeared or broke your heart?

Or, will you hold your vision and keep dating until you find him – that right man for you? I’m rooting for you and hoping you follow through.

Is It Time for You to Get a Love Life?

So that’s’ the big questions on the table. Will you vote yourself into office and recognize your presidential responsibility to seek and create the love life you want? I hope your candidate wins today and you decide to make love a top priority.

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Find Love: Spot Good Men Vs. Scary Monsters

You’ll Find Love When You Stop Thinking Every Man Is Frankenstein

I know how hard it can be to find love with a good man. I understand when women complain to me that the men out there are terrible.  They just want one thing. The lie and cheat. They scam. All the good ones are taken and what’s left are scary monsters like Frankenstein (OK, Halloween is on my mind.)

I walked in your shoes being a single woman over 40. But I was lucky. I had access to so methods that helped me open my mind and turn my negative thinking around.

One of the biggest challenges I faced was believing a good man was out there for me and I could find love. Let me tell you I worked at it. I used every exercise and mind trick I knew to shift this pattern that surely would have crippled my search for  love.

AND I DID IT! Not only did I manage to keep an open mind about the men I met and stay positive during the dating journey, but I also met an adorable man and we’ve been happily married to for 16 years.

Yes, it’s worth the effort! I know you can find love to. Heck if I did it, any woman can! Here are three empowering mind exercises to help you find more good men out there and skip over those scary monsters.

1. Practice Looking for the Good in Men

When you notice men walking past you on the street, instead of ignoring them or internally criticizing them, take a moment to wonder to yourself, “Hey, why does that man’s girlfriend/wife love him? What does he have to offer his woman? What does he do to make her feel special?”

This is a very powerful method to shift your thinking and does take some practice. Don’t feel bad if you quickly fall back to thinking he’s not dressed well, or is losing his hair, or whatever you might usually think. It’s normal that making this shift in thought process will take time. So commit to trying this exercise and be gentle with yourself as you start to notice all the negativity that might come up when you try to think positively.

2. Smile at One New Man Every Day

That means you will need to look up, face forward and think about your surroundings to notice a man to smile at. It could be as easy as catching on to who is smiling at you and just returning the favor 🙂

Many women are totally task-focused and in your own world as you hurry to get stuff done. So you don’t even notice a man looking at you or smiling. Or your normal instinct is to look away as fast as possible because you rather not engage. Neither of these instincts will help you connect with good men.

You cannot imagine the positive changes that happen when I convince a client to smile at men. Results are consistently remarkable!

3. Notice Happy Couples

You might think this is counterproductive to notice happy couples. They have what you want and that will make you envy them and feel bad. But look at this another way. Once you see there are happy couples in the world you’ll realize if they can find love, you can too! You are no different than other people and you are as worthy as anyone else.

When you spot happy couples, leverage their happy energy by saying to yourself, “Love does exist! I want what they have!” This is not at all like envy or jealousy. It’s a higher level where you lift your own energy to the level of your desire. Your desire is for love and that is a higher vibration. Seeing happy couples can help you lift your energy to be like that right now.

According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. So when you lift your energy to the level of happy couples in love – you are now like the energy you want to attract! Bingo that’s what makes you more magnetic to find love.

Yes, You Can Make This Work for You!

Shift your mind away from negative chatter that men are scary monsters this Halloween or any time. GOOD MEN ARE OUT THERE. When you believe that and start to notice men, your chance to find love skyrockets!

Happy Halloween!

2pumpkins

 

 

Photo Credit: Chop Shop Garage

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Dating After Divorce – Choosing A Life Partner

Are you dating after divorce and ready to learn about choosing the right partner? For newly single women, this can be the hardest thing to figure out – how to qualify the men you date.

dating after divorceDating After Divorce- Smart Strategies

1.Be Open and Picky at the Same Time

OK, you got through your divorce, took time to heal and now you feel ready to date. Yeah! Your first step is to find out what works with modern dating. The last thing you need is to repeat past mistakes or start making new ones.

This time around you want a man who meets your needs. You seek a keeper who will have your back and make life more enjoyable. I’m with you! That’s what any woman wants in a relationship after divorce.

When it comes to choosing a life partner, I recommend taking time to really think about what you want. As you meet men, you’ll discover things you do not want and there are likely qualities from your ex you want to avoid as well. This is good! This is about discernment which is a smart way to be picky or “SELECTIVE”.

On the other hand, meeting new types of men is also a smart strategy. Being open to people who are not your “type” is a great way to find men with qualities you have not encountered before – qualities you WANT in a man but hadn’t found until this point.

Seek a balance between being open and being picky. Too much on either side will not serve you. For example, if you are too picky, you narrow the field and will not meet enough men to find a good match. On the other hand, if you are not selective enough, you’ll be dating men who do not meet your needs or treat you well. This is why STRIKING A BALANCE IS ESSENTIAL FOR YOUR DATING SUCCESS.

2. Stay Objective and Continue Dating Others

If you are new to dating after divorce, think about the qualities you want in a life partner. When a man starts to show interest, that is not enough of a predictor to know he could be “The One”. Does he ask you out consistently and call weekly? Does he make an effort to get to know you or just talk about himself? Is everything on his terms or does he ask your preferences and try to please you?

Often women new to dating want to “See Where Things Go” with this one guy who is texting or calling. Honestly, this is A RECIPE FOR HEARTBREAK AND DISASTER. If you want to see where things will go, that’s fine but keep dating other men until you date him for many weeks and qualify him as a potential life partner. It takes 8 – 10 weeks and sometimes more to know if a man truly has that potential.

To prevent premature attachment which is so common, you need to continue meeting and dating other men. This helps you remain objective and detached so you don’t fall in love before you know a man has the qualities you seek. If you get attached or fall in love after a few phone calls, a week of texting or 1-3 dates, you know I’m talking to you.

Naturally you might get your hopes up, but holding a “wait and see” attitude will protect you from falling in love before you know more. Give yourself this chance to stay objective and really get to know men before you close off other options and get emotionally invested.

3. Understanding Men’s Actions and What They Mean

Whether you are dating after divorce, took a long break to raise kids or focused on your career, learning about understanding men is another essential dating strategy.

Don’t take men at face value or rely solely on what they say to you. Often men say what they know you want to hear, but don’t make time to see you, or only want to text or talk on the phone. If a man doesn’t ask you out on weekly dates, he’s either not genuinely interested,  dating several others, or dating and love are not a priority. Case closed.

There are quite a few men who prefer the fantasy of a virtual relationship than the expectations (and joy) that come with true love and a lasting relationship.

On my blog, women ask me painful questions about situations like these all the time. They want to know what it means when a man wants to puts off meeting, is too busy to see you, won’t take down his profile, or why he seemed so into you and then disappeared quickly. In every one of these situations, the man is letting you know you are not the one or love is not his priority.

This is why Strategy #2 of Remaining Objective as long as possible is vitally important if you are dating after divorce.

There are so many resources including my blog to help you understand how men think. I have created a method of radically simplifying understanding men to help my dating coaching clients and readers. But there are others  who specialize in explaining the ways of men and what they mean.

Your job is to read and educate yourself rather than simply depending on what you and your girlfriends THINK. Learn from those who REALLY KNOW ABOUT MEN. That’s my best piece of dating advice after divorce.

Obviously, there is more to finding a good match and a compatible life partner, but these three fundamental strategies will put you on the path to finding the right man. While you may think you have the skills for dating and finding love, for most women that is not the case. That’s why dating seems too difficult to so many.

Invest in love and yourself to find love faster. No school teaches anything about dating or relationship success. It’s not part of the curriculum or even part of higher learning. So it’s not surprising countless single midlife women you feel confused and frustrated.

I can help. Schedule your Dating Discovery Session – a free 30-minute phone/Skype session to discuss your love life and how dating coaching can help.

 

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Understanding Men: We Text and Talk, But Don’t Go on Dates

When it comes to understanding men, why you text and talk, but don’t go on dates,create a “no Excuses” policy. I explain everything in this post.

understanding men“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I have been talking to a guy I met online for three months now. We Just met a week ago in person. He does call and text me all the time but we have never been out on a date. He hasn’t called me for 2 days now and has sent no text.Please tell me what to do. He made a statement to me on our last phone call saying, “You are very naive sometimes.” What is he telling me? Please help me with understanding men. I really like this man.

Thanks,
Frustrated in Florida”

 

Dear Frustrated,

I know you are confused because you are emotionally invested in this man. You have spent three months talking on the phone and texting with him, so you feel you have developed a deep connection. And from that place you have assumed that he must want what you want – a close, loving relationship.

The trouble is, YOU’RE NOT in a REAL RELATIONSHIP. You cannot be in a relationship with a man if you don’t go on dates. I know this is hard to hear or even think about, but IT’S THE SIMPLE TRUTH.

Perils of the Virtual Relationship

Instead, you have gotten pulled into in a virtual relationship with a man who took three months to finally meet you. (Why don’t you consider that a date?) My blog is filled with questions from hundreds of women with this same problem about understanding men. They have fallen for a man who won’t make time to see them.

3 Reasons Why You Don’t Go On Dates

1.He could be married or already in a relationship. He has time to talk to you and text, but he can’t SEE you on dates. That’s too risky for his current relationship. Probably after you asked him for weeks (or longer), he squeezed in a meeting with you. That doesn’t mean he wants a real relationship or that he loves you.

2. Maybe he wants everything on his terms. To talk and text when he feels like it. He doesn’t want to invest his time in getting together or creating a situation where you have bigger expectations. He doesn’t have time or money to spend going out to dinner or taking weekend trips. Or he’s not interested in physical contact.

3. Some men are emotionally manipulative and controlling. Occasionally a man gets pleasure from being adored and wanted by you, while he dangles love over your head. He enjoys watching a woman suffer as she falls in love, but can’t have him. This mean-spirited scenario is rare but does happen.

Texting and Talking Aren’t Signs of Love

It’s so easy to feel confused when you accept texting and talking on the phone as signs of his genuine interest and feelings for you. But this is not enough to indicate love. When it comes to understanding men in relationships, recognize that he may need your emotional support or want to boost his ego.

But texting and talking are a small part of a loving relationship. Spending time together is a bigger component which is missing from your scenario.

The Plain and Simple Truth about Understanding Men

If he wanted to date you and
build a genuine relationship,
he would find the time.
That’s what quality men do
.

No matter how busy or shy or whatever other excuse he may have, any man who wants love will do what it takes. This is fundamental to understanding men.

Sadly, you have opened your heart to a man who doesn’t want what you hope for – his love and commitment. So naturally you are confused. You wonder why he calls and texts if he doesn’t like you and want more? He likes you enough to do those things – but that is not enough for you.

I realize it’s hard to not know, but you may never know the reason. The fact is, it doesn’t even matter.

What DOES MATTER is that he is not willing to go on weekly dates and build a relationship face-to-face. This automatically disqualifies him as being the right man for you.

While you like parts of his personality that he shares via text and phone, HE DOESN’T WANT TO GO ON DATES and that is a huge part of who he is. Can you see that?

For this particular guy or any man, you can’t do anything to make him date you or want a relationship. Anyone who tells you differently is not being honest or realistic.

How to Qualify the Men You Date

What you can do is GET BETTER AT QUALIFYING THE MEN YOU DATE so you don’t get into this kind of virtual relationship again. This is for women who to date men with the goal of finding a lasting, committed relationship.

It takes a bit of self discipline, but if a man cannot meet you on a real date within 7 days, MOVE ON. I don’t care what his reasons are. He’s busy with work, he’s traveling for business or vacation, his kids are sick, his ex wife is taking him to court, he has to paint his house, etc.

These are all EXCUSES and a man’s way of letting you know that he’s not into you enough to make time to meet you. Or he’s not ready and available to date.

Establish a “No Excuses” Policy for Yourself

Don’t share this policy with men. Just stop texting and communicating with any man who can’t meet you within 7-10 days at the most. Don’t except a man’s excuses thinking you are being flexible. When it comes to decoding men and understanding how men think, it’s best to focus on what works for you instead. Excuses don’t work. Move on to men who are ready to meet you.

The next qualifying hurdle is that you want to date men who will go on dates at least once a week. Yes, there are occasions when someone has go out of town, but if a man is always out of town, that alone makes him unavailable due to his lifestyle.

The Bottom Line about Your Man

My best dating advice for understanding men is to realize this man is NOT into you. He’s told you he thinks you are naive because he knows the game he’s playing. The good news is NOW YOU DO TOO.

Don’t continue to play hoping things will change. HE WON’T CHANGE. Move on to find a better man who wants the loving relationship you want and demonstrates that by making time to see you.

Wishing you love,

understanding men

 

Online Dating Photos – Disasters that Sabotage Your Success

online dating photos

Even though she is squinting, this photo has character – I like it!

Online dating photos really impact your opportunities to meet people. A poor choice of pictures can easily sabotage your results. Even choosing pictures that have small things wrong with them can become glaring issues on dating sites.

Common Errors to Avoid with

Online Dating Photos

  • Pictures with your children (men want to date you, not your kids)
  • Too many pet photos (With one you’ll seem normal – lots of pet photos make people wonder)
  • A big mess in the background (clean up before you take the shot! Neatness counts)
  • Cutting someone out of the photo (that’s tacky so don’t do it!)
  • Distance shots (men want to see what you really look like)
  • Sunglasses hide your eyes which really are the window to your soul (If its just one photo of several, that’s OK)
  • Head shots only (yes, men want to see your body – the whole body please)
  • Group  shots make it hard to figure out which person you are
  • A drink in your hand (You’re a social drinker, but you don’t want to seem like a big drinker right?)
  • Wearing the same outfit for several shots (a clear sign of professional photos taken the same day)
  • Lots of landscape or vacation photos – this is not your private gallery – use Facebook for that

Every Picture Tells a Story

Stop and think for a moment. People read into everything you write and each photo you post. Seriously, as humans we interpret and  literally make up stories all the time about what we see. People add meaning even if their thoughts are totally off base.

This is normal. But knowing this, you want to take precautions so your photos show you at your best, without any distractions or elements that lead to story creation.

Make a Good Impression

I’ve had clients who took selfies that were distorted and looked more than odd. Clients who had laundry hanging behind them on the banister. Clients sitting at a messy dinner table with a wine glass in their hands. At the very least – crop stuff out to clean up the photo. Your priority is to make a good impression!

Tips for Great Online Dating Photos

  • Show a head shot, full body shot and one other photo – 3 is the minimum and 7 is the max if you don’t want to look narcissistic
  • Please smile. If you aren’t smiling, the photo shouldn’t be on the dating site
  • Stand up! You will always look thinner when standing and heavier sitting
  • Wear solid colored clothing or very small patterns that aren’t noticeable to the camera lens
  • Wear something date-worthy so you look attractive to men
  • Show one photo doing an activity or something interesting if possible
  • Take outside and inside shots so the light is varied
  • Get someone to take your photos who makes you laugh and helps you relax so you’ll look good
  • Never stand directly underneath a light source – that will cast ugly shadows on your face

So that’s my quick do’s and don’ts for online dating photos. Follow these tips so your photos show off your assets and present you as the desirable woman you truly are.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Professor Bop

 

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