Dating After Divorce: Did I End it Too Soon?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I am 37 with a school-aged child. I’ve been seeing a 37 y/o guy with no kids/never been married who when I first met him said “I love kids” and he wanted children of his own. I said I wanted the same thing.

 He called me every other day and always responded to me if I text/called which was every other day because I felt he needed time and I thought we should and were taking it slow. Anyway, 3 months into the relationship he said he wanted to take me away for my birthday. We went.

Then he went away for one week for business. When he got back and after not calling for a week, he said, ” I had such a good time with you but…I decided that while away, I was going to end it because I found out I could see us becoming closer and it scared me because the last relationship I was in with children was the worst one I had”.

Also, he said, “You deserve better then the way I treated you.”  By the way, the relationship he is talking about was 2 years ago and he has only dated other women for 3 months maximum length of time.

I told him, I’m sorry you feel that way and let’s be friends. Did I end it too soon?

Please let me know what you think and thanks,
Too Soon

Dear Too Soon,

I don’t in any way mean to offend you. The end of any relationship is always hard. But, it sounds to me that he ended it before you did. Of course, there is so much I don’t know about:

-Did the two of you have a good time while away together?
-Did anything happen on the trip that might have turned him off?
-What did he mean that he didn’t treat you well? Did you feel that way?

To me, with the limited information I have, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. If you mirrored his communication style, then you handled things well.  Unfortunately, I don’t have much more to go on.

Sometimes after a trip, a man might decide that his woman companion wasn’t as good a fit as he hoped. Or perhaps he met someone else on the business  trip. Sometimes men say things like – “It’s not you, it’s me,” a line made famous by the Seinfeld character George Kastanza just to get out of a relationship without having to really say why. We could keep guessing for weeks.

Instead, when you feel better, get back out there to find a better man. One who knows what he wants and is ready for a relationship with you.

If this guy did treat you badly, then make a list of the things you don’t want to experience again, and put it somewhere you can easily refer to it after meeting and dating new men. This can be a big help to keep you from the same kind of guy who isn’t into children. I’m wondering – is it possible there were some red flags you didn’t pay attention to?

There are plenty of other men and you do deserve to be treated well. If in fact, he had left the door open, and you did end things by playing the “let’s be friends” card, then you made a wise choice. He was telling you that things weren’t going to work out.

Take his advice and move on to find a new man who will appreciate you and your children and is relationship ready.  And I hope you won’t spend too much time wondering what happened. This is one of those potentially infuriating situations where you will never know what really happened. But in truth, it doesn’t matter because he wasn’t ready for you.

To learn how to handle a variety of dating situations and discover ways to attract love and the right man, register for the Dating for Keeps Expo. It’s a free, week-long teleconference starting 9/20-24 that features 12 top dating experts from around the US.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach

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