Dating Over 40: 8 Powerful Ways to Get His Attention Back

If you’ve been dating a guy for a while, and everything was great, but now, for some reason he seems distracted and may be losing interest. What’s a woman to do? Women often don’t know why this happens, but usually blame themselves. You might be thinking – "What did I do wrong?"

There could be a million reasons why your guy is distracted or not showering you with attention. And it’s a good chance you will never know for sure. But here are eight powerful ways you can regain his attention.

1) First, be clear. do you really want him back? If he lost interest, is he the right man for you? It’s worth asking because this will take some effort. so be clear he is a good match for you and worth the effort you are about to undertake.

2) Think about your interactions. Is it possible you have changed? I had a client one time who had a routine with men she dated. She’d start out all sweet as pie, but after a while, she said she couldn’t keep that up, She had to go back to being herself. Yikes! Being yourself, albeit your best self, is crucial to developing a solid relationship. See if you can return to behaving the way you did at the beginning of the relationship when he was paying lots of attention to you.

3) Have you become clingy or demanding? It can happen to the best of us. But this is unattractive behavior. Men like confident women, same as we like confident men. Get a grip on yourself and give him some space. Rely on your friends more, read self-help books, or get professional help. But don’t cling.

4) Have you put your man into communication overload? Sometimes women are so happy to be dating a great guy, they over-communicate. Hold back on multiple calls, texts, emails and give the guy some space. No one likes to feel crowded.

5) Are you trying to take up all of his time? This is another space issue. men need to keep up there friendships too and have some quality guy time. Smile when he wants to go out with the boys – that gives you a night off too. Visit with your friends or get chores done at home. You can entertain yourself one night, even on the weekend.

6) Do you still look your best? It’s easy to slip back into comfy favorites but keeping up your appearance is important for maximizing attraction while still solidifying your relationship. Dont’t back slide into old habits. Put on lipstick and wear his favorite outfit. Looking good is excellent for your own self-esteem and confidence too.

7) Pull back. I know this is the hardest thing to do. Every instinct in your body is screaming to run after him. But don’t do it. That’s the worst strategy for recapturing his attention. Think of this like ballroom dancing. As you take a step back, he has the chance to take a step forward.  Are you starting to get the picture? Don’t be too available because a bit of absence can make the heart grow fonder. Let him chase you again after he realizes you’re not all over him like you used to be.

8) Remember, you are a fabulous woman and this guy is lucky to have shared time with you. If this doesn’t work out, hold your head high and remain confident. You are still a great catch and there are plenty more fish in the sea. Take time to heal, but don’t wait too long to go fishing again. I guarantee, he really wasn’t the only guy for you. Someone else is out there who might be even better, but you won’t know that if you don’t get out there to look.

13 responses on “Dating Over 40: 8 Powerful Ways to Get His Attention Back

  1. Elaine

    I hear you! I have not had a relationship for several years, although I was open to the idea. I moved to a different state and met someone shortly thereafter. This individual recently lost their spouse. I enjoy the company but not much time is devoted to the new relationship as my friend’s spouse died less than a year ago. I know that at times I wonder if I’m crowding a bit but when I ask (I try to be as direct as possible), I’m told all my efforts are appreciated. I wish I had a handbook.

  2. Ronnie Post author

    Hi Elaine,
    Dating a widower can be a touchy thing, especially if the man isn’t over his loss. It’s great that you are direct and ask the question about doing too much.

    If you are worried about crowding him, cut back on how much time you rspend together. Then watch to see if he uses that space for himself or comes forward to spend more time with you. It’s not a manipulative test. The purpose is really to give him the space to do what is best for him without pressure.

    And if he doesn’t come forward to spend more time with you, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy your company. It might just mean he does need more alone time for healing.

    Best of luck with your love!
    Rnonie

  3. Brenda

    I agree with Ronnie’s suggestions – pulling back is especially good. If they are interested, they will step it up and if not, *well, then you know!*

    And when they just maintain that difference, it’s time to go n*e*x*t. Any man truly interested in you would not be moving apart, at least for any length of time.

    Brenda

  4. CMichelle

    Hi, I thought this information is helpful. I’d been thinking I should pull back, only because I felt I was crowding my friend. I will give this a shot, only because it makes sense. He was interested in the beginning because I did not go out of my way to make time for him…perhaps, I need to go back to my original self. Good luck ladies!

  5. GIA

    Nearly a year ago, I met a man who has been supportive and always there for me with current personal issues in my life. We share many common interests and values. Although he is more shy than most men, there was an instant connection between us and we became great friends. He began opening up to me and in no time we began finishing eachother’s sentences, laughed at eachother’s jokes, talked on serious levels as well as have fun with one another. Unfortunately, altho we stil talk on a regular basis, he seems to have withdrawn to the way he was before we became better friends. If I think he’s busy I ask if I should leave but his answer is always no and that I need to stop worrying so much. So, he still likes having me around, yet, doesnt talk as much and seems distant in his answers. This made me start doubting him and ask if there was someone else he has more interest in. Again, his answer is no. He’s never made me doubt him and has no reason to lie where as we are not actually in a committed relationship, even tho I would like to be more than “just friends” in the future. However, I’m afraid that this reaction from me has made me appear “clingy” and “needy” and wonder if I’ve lost any chance of that happening now? More recently, I’m trying to be more independent, confident happy around him. I’ve also been giving him alittle more space. He seems happier, but I’m not sure how much time this needs to help win his attention back or has my behavior caused me to remain in the “friends” status forever? Please advise, as any insight would be much useful and appreciated. Thank you.

  6. Kassie

    Sometimes all you have to do is back off and let him do his thing, but never let him to far away because he might just slip away. If you back off he will probably step up and start acting the way you want him to. Also don’t forget communication is so important, my guy tells me all the time ” how are we going to work this out if you don’t talk to me?!” so never forget to communicate and even if you don’t wanna back off a little!
    ~ Kassie ~

  7. jennifer

    honestly,i feel so happy reading all of your suggestions.i am gonna pull back for a while and make my guy chase me again

  8. Narges Mohm

    Four months ago, I met a guy and things were going great, he was soooo interested and invested and now that I have fallen in love with him, he is not showing much interest anymore and I feel like he needs space. I really want him back, what do I do? I am trying to pull back a little bit now but I just can’t help myself texting him first. Any tips ladies?

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Narges,
    Your only hope in this case is to stop saying you can’t help it. Of course you can help it! Stop texting and leave him alone. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give him a chance to miss you. If giving him space doesn’t work, you haven’t lost anything because it shows he’s not interested any more. When a man loses interest, besides pulling back to make room for him to come forward, there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO.

    In the future, give men space. If you overwhelm them with too much communication, I’m so sorry to say there’s just no way to recapture the romance. A man who is turned off is gone.

  10. Kimberly

    He lost interest in me and he admitted it and didn’t even want to see me for 2 weeks ( I bet I was smothering him) But he said he still loves me cares about me. Now I give him space and only reply when he texts/calls. Today he called me and said why I didn’t even text him. Also told me he got sick. Please suggest what should I do? Can I text/call him first tomorrow by asking if he is getting better or just stand my ground and wait for him to contact me first? I love him so much and want to meet him so bad. But I do not want to push him away by caring too much, Please help me.

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Kimberly,
    Wow I’m so confused about your question. You love him but haven’t met him? You just text and call and maybe you over did it. But he told you he didn’t want to see you for two weeks – that’s why I’m confused about if you’ve gone on dates or not. Any way, when a man pushes you away, the only thing to do is NOTHING. So no, do not text him tomorrow asking if he’s better. He can’t have it both ways – push you away and then complain you didn’t even text. Texting and phone calls are not a true relationship. You need to go on dates and spend time with him face-to-face.

    No man likes to be smothered. So in the future I recommend letting the man initiate for at least the first 4-6 dates. Then use a 3 to 1 ratio to hold back and avoid smothering. So he contacts you 3 times for the one time you reach out. And avoid a lot of texting calling before meeting – taht’s a huge waste of time and gets you warpped up with a man you may never meet – happens all the time!

  12. Kimberly

    Sorry for not telling you the whole story first.
    We are in a relationship for 4 months. We meet almost everyday including weekends. and then suddenly he lost interest and cancel plans and he was not willing to meet me for two weeks. But then he had a discussion and he admitted he lost interest but still loves me. He travelled after that and got back in town on Monday haven’t got a chance to meet yet. I let him contact me first all the time these days. Thats why he asked me why I didn’t text him yesterday and told me he is sick. With this background story could you please suggest if i should start to show how much i care about him or still give him more space.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *